


The lemon tree

by StarsMadeinHeaven



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Basically, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M, Mafia (implied), Mental Breakdown, No Underage Sex, Slavery, alternative universe, so before you ask it's not pro-mafia, this follows the story of South Italy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-04-05 03:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 70,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14034846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarsMadeinHeaven/pseuds/StarsMadeinHeaven
Summary: AU Lovino didn't want to be a slave in that scary mansion. He needed to break free. The fight for independence, however, is a difficult path, and falling in love with the man that destroyed his life doesn't make things any easier.





	1. Chapter 1

###  Chapter One 

Ten years old Lovino Vargas was nauseated. 

It was the first time he got in a four-wheeled carriage as luxurious as that one, and he really couldn't wait to get out of it. The constant joggling of the coach made him sick, made him feel trapped, like a mouse, or a lion in a cage. As comfortable as it could be, that confined space was suffocating. He tried to fix his gaze on the landscape passing by outside the little window and pretend to be simply walking in the countryside. He watched the farmers working their fields; he watched the lemon trees slowly disappearing from his view. He watched, but he didn’t want to see. The sight was just too painful.

Some of the farmers even raised their heads up as the coach rolled by. Lovino recognized some of them, and now he could add a lump in his throat to his list of symptoms. Nauseated, homesick, sad.

He looked up at the clouds, but there weren’t any. The sky was clear and the sun was shining so brightly, Lovino had to raise a hand to shield his eyes from the sun rays. He wondered if he was ever going to see the sun again after this, and suddenly not only he was nauseated, homesick and sad, but he was terrified too. 

The bulky man escorting them huffed and puffed in his sleep. Lovino didn’t know his name; this man, soaked in sweat and reeking hostility, didn’t care to tell them, and Lovino didn’t care to ask. He picked them up that morning –his brother and him- from their little cabin in the woods, demanding they came with him, treating them as if they weren’t children but cows to be taken to the market.

"Lovino?" someone whispered next to him. Lovino took his eyes from the countryside and looked towards his seven years old brother, Feliciano. It pained Lovino to look at him, for he resembled too much to their mother. They had the same auburn hair, the same fair complexion, and what Lovino hated the most was that his brother wasn’t even aware that they looked alike. She died when Feliciano was just one year old, so Lovino couldn’t really blame him. 

He, on the other hand, was more like his father. He was tanner, his hair a darker brown, and even if he hadn’t hit puberty yet, Lovino already had the physique of a farmer. Feliciano could pass for a lord.

“Lovino?” Feliciano tried again.

"Silence" the bulky man coughed, his booming voice making them both cringe. The man opened one eye at them, as if making sure they were still there. With a silent snort, he made himself more comfortable in his seat and returned back to his nap. Feliciano’s eyes were bright with unshed tears, and he scooted closer to Lovino in fear. Only when the man started snoring again, Feliciano worked up courage to speak again.

"Lovino" Feliciano whispered his brother's name once more. Lovino shot a glance at the scary man and, once he realized he wasn’t going to wake up any time soon, focused his gaze on his brother again. "Where are they taking us?"

Lovino kept his mouth shut. Feliciano stared at him, ready to cry, hopeful, terrified, clinging to him like a chick to a hen. Lovino would have loved to see him cry. He wanted to hurt him. What had happened three days before made Lovino burn with anger.

He hated Feliciano for being there when their father died, for being the one to hear their father's last words. Feliciano had always been their father’s favorite. Lovino had not earned his father’s love, his father’s admiration, his father’s encouragement, his father’s trust, but Feliciano had, and now Feliciano had even had the honor to hear his father’s last words, to be by his side when all had come to an end. 

Everything had been perfect a week before: their father was alive, they still had a roof above their heads, Carolina, the cow, provided them with milk every morning, and the chickens scratched about in their backyard. Now there was nothing left. No father, no roof, no Carolina, no chickens. 

Their father fell suddenly ill a week before, and he was so sick, he couldn't stand up from his makeshift bed anymore.

"Oh, don't you worry, my children” he said in between his coughing fits. “I'll be up on my feet in no time. Besides, Carolina misses me, and it’s impolite to leave a lady waiting" 

Liar.

The last thing his father told Lovino was: "Go fetch some wood for the fire, Lovino”

Lovino, not Feliciano. Lovino. Go get the wood, Lovino. Please, Lovino. Leave your brother here and go, Lovino. 

Lovino did. He usually didn't like to take orders, but Lovino indulged his father without complaining for once. He left Feliciano behind and when he returned back with the wood his father asked for, his father no longer needed it.

"Lovino?"

Feliciano touched his hand, and Lovino pulled abruptly away. Tears started streaming down his younger brother’s cheeks, unaware that Lovino was at war with himself. He bit his lower lip and pushed himself to take Feliciano's hand. Feliciano sniffed, dried his tears with the back of his free hand, and Lovino’s stomach turned into a knot. It wasn't Feliciano's fault for being there when their father died. Feliciano was only seven. It must have been a traumatizing experience for him.

"Where are they taking us, Lovino?" Feliciano whispered again. Lovino simply shrugged. They needed to stay together now. They had to, if they wanted to remain sane.

"I don't know" Lovino admitted out loud, and Feliciano started crying silently again. Lovino pulled him in his embrace and went back to the landscape passing by. They remained silent for the rest of the ride, and Feliciano fell asleep in his arms.

Lovino couldn't stop thinking. Even when the scary man's snoring could be described as deafening, his thoughts felt much louder. He wondered who told those scary men that there were two orphans living together in a little cabin in the woods. Who was the bastard, who snitched on them? What were his father's last words? What was inside Feliciano's mind? And, most importantly, where were they going? Were they taking them to the orphanage? Marco, the neighbor's adopted son, told him it was an awful place. No food, no clothes, but they could keep the fleas as pets if they must. It was quite mandatory, actually. Lovino didn't want to go in such a place. He wanted to return back to his father. Were they together now? His mum and dad? What were they thinking, leaving them like this? 

Lovino closed his eyes. He wished he could stop thinking, stop feeling, stop being himself for just one second, stop feeling nauseous, terrified, and melancholic at the same time. Feliciano kept sleeping peacefully in his arms, and Lovino decided to do the same. 

He didn't know how much time elapsed from the time he felt asleep until they finally reached their destination, but the sun was already setting when the carriage pulled suddenly to a stop, abruptly waking them both up. Lovino looked outside to the aristocratic mansion towering above them. He wondered if that was the orphanage Marco had told him about, but it didn't look as menacing as his friend had described it. Right in front of the mansion stood a large marble fountain, the kind Lovino had only heard stories about. 

The scary man yawned and stretched before getting off the coach. Lovino and Feliciano remained alone for a moment, before the man returned back, grabbed them by the collar of their shirts and unceremoniously pulled them out of the coach. Feliciano yelped, and Lovino bit his lip hard to prevent himself from crying. His heart started galloping in his chest, but as much as he wanted to run and escape, he couldn’t do anything else but let the scary man push them forcefully towards the mansion. Two straight flights of stairs connected at a right angle landing led up to a huge pair of imposing wooden doors, before which stood a busty, ugly woman in her fifties. 

The woman looked down on them and her lips quivered in a disgusted frown as soon as she spotted the filth on their hair and clothes.

"These are the kids?" the woman asked, her voice hoarse. 

"Yes, miss" the scary man said, almost too gently. "They are the Vargas' boys” 

"Very well" she said and opened the door to let them in. 

Lovino didn’t have the time to admire the fancy paintings on the walls, or the red carpet under his feet, as the ugly woman pulled him viciously away from the man's hold and forced his mouth open to check his teeth. Lovino immediately tried to bit her fingers off. He screamed and tried to kick her in the shin, but the woman was far too strong and put him back in his place by slapping him hard on the face. When she was done checking him as if he were an animal, she reached a hand to yank Feliciano closer to her. Lovino stepped up to put himself between the woman and his brother, but the scary man just put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him away. 

"Good" the woman laconically said, letting Feliciano go. Lovino’s brother was crying openly now, but when he tried to run back in Lovino’s arms, the woman grabbed his hand and silently ordered him to stay put. 

"They are healthy alright. I wouldn’t have dared to bring them here, otherwise" the man said with a grin. The woman made a strange, strangled sound and momentarily let go of Feliciano’s hand to take a little purse out her apron’s front pocket. The man greedily reached out for it, and opened it up to count the money rattling inside it. The man’s face fell and took out a golden coin with a displeasured frown on his lips. 

"This is not what we agreed on, woman" he spat angrily. 

"It is more than enough for these scrawny kids" the woman haughtily replied. “Off you go” she added then and grabbed Feliciano’s hand once again. The man growled, but pushed Lovino in the woman’s embrace and turned on his heels without another word. When the wooden doors slammed closed, she pulled Lovino by the nape of his head and led both of them to another flight of stairs. 

"Where are you taking us, you ugly bitch?" Lovino exclaimed, trying to free himself from the woman’s strong hold. 

"Watch your tongue, boy" the woman hissed at him, digging her sharp nails into his flesh. Lovino yelped in pain, but instead of being intimidated by her attitude, he tried to kick her once more. "Feisty one, aren't you?" the woman asked and yanked him. 

"Let go, bitch!" Lovino screamed, feeling the blood dripping on the back of his shirt. Feliciano started crying again, but the woman just slapped him slightly on the head and kept walking. A moment later they were in front of another pair of wooden doors, and the woman let them go again to open them. 

"Here are the boys" the woman announced and unceremoniously pushed the two inside the big room. Lovino looked around him in awe, putting a hand on his aching neck. 

The room was huge and it looked much wider than their little cabin in the woods. Different paintings decorated the white walls, and a golden chandelier hanged over a mahogany table in the middle of the room. On one end of the oval table, a couple sat side by side, while a slightly tanned man with messy brown hair stood all on his own at the other end. Lovino’s eyes immediately focused on the woman: she was very beautiful, with long, wavy hair and big, green eyes. She shot a glance at the man next to her, and he pushed his rectangular glasses up his nose with a delicate finger. 

“Hello” the tanned man said, and Lovino snapped back to attention. Feliciano sniffed nosily and grabbed his brother by the arm. “They are really cute, aren’t they, Roderich?” the man asked turning to look at the aristocrat in front of him. 

“Cuteness makes no difference” Roderich said, standing up. He slowly walked around the table to stand in front of them. 

“Don’t you come any closer, you piece of shit!” Lovino barked and pushed Feliciano behind him. The tanned man laughed nervously, while Roderich looked down on Lovino, peeved. 

“I believe I get to choose first, Antonio” Roderich said turning towards the tanned man. “You said you need someone to work in the fields, isn’t that right?” he asked. The man named Antonio stopped laughing, and his face turned suddenly serious. He narrowed his eyes at Roderich, but remained otherwise perfectly still in his place. 

Roderich beckoned Feliciano to come closer, and the younger boy shot a worried look Lovino’s way before doing as told. 

"What’s your name?” Roderich asked, gentle, bending slightly to be closer to Feliciano’s eye level. 

"F-Feliciano Vargas, sir." Feliciano said, shaking in fear. 

"And how old are you?" Roderich asked. 

"He is seven, asshole." Lovino answered for him and pulled Feliciano abruptly away. "Let us go, you bitch!" he shouted then turning to look at the bulky woman still standing by the door. "We have no business here!"

The bulky woman remained silent. Roderich sighed and straightened back up. 

"Elizabeta?" Roderich asked turning to look at the beautiful woman still sitting at the table. Her eyes lingered on the younger of the two boys for a moment longer than necessary. She nodded, and Roderich smiled imperceptibly at her. 

"From now on you are going to live with us, Feliciano" Roderich said and softly pulled him away from Lovino's hold. At the sudden loss of touch, Feliciano's eyes filled with tears again. He tried to take Lovino's hand once more, but Roderich pulled him out of Lovino's reach. Lovino stayed crippled in fear as Elizabeta stood up from her place and walked slowly over to them. 

"Lovino! Lovino, help me!" Feliciano screamed while Roderich dragged him away. Lovino made to run after them, but a pair of strong arms held him back. He tried to free himself, cursed out loud, extended his fingers to reach for his brother, but it was in vain. Feliciano also extended his fingers, tried to shake Roderich away, but he was too weak and too small. 

"Let me go, you bastard!" Lovino shouted, and smacked the hands that were holding him back with vigor. Someone suddenly hauled him up, and Lovino turned his head to look at Antonio smiling reassuringly at him. Not knowing what else to do, Lovino spat on the other’s face and cried when the man suddenly dropped him on the floor in surprise. 

"Lovino!" Feliciano screamed. Elizabeta opened the door. Roderich pulled Feliciano out of the room. The ugly woman slammed the door closed behind them. 

"I WANT TO STAY WITH MY BROTHER!" Lovino heard Feliciano screaming, and that was the last thing he heard from his brother. Suddenly, everything turned silent again. 

Lovino stared petrified at the closed doors. The bulky woman was looking at him, amused, and Lovino started cursing. 

"Stop it" Antonio ordered behind him, and Lovino crawled away from him. "I'm not going to hurt you" he assured him. "My name is Antonio Fernández Carriedo. Your master, if you will" 

"I'm no one's slave!" Lovino shouted, stood abruptly up and attacked him. Before Lovino could strike a blow in the other’s face, the ugly woman ran to Carriedo’s rescue and yanked Lovino by the back of his shirt. Carriedo stood in his place, seemingly unfazed by it all, and kept smiling at him, as if Lovino’s attics were amusing him greatly. 

"Well. It's such a pity Roderich got to choose first" Carriedo said looking up at the woman still holding Lovino tightly against her hips. "That Feliciano was much cuter"

"Sir, taming a dark horse is much more satisfying" the woman said. 

"I am no fucking animal, bitch!" Lovino shouted and punched the woman in the chest. The woman winced in pain, but before she could raise her hand and slap him, Carried talked again: 

"What's your name, kid?" 

Lovino stopped struggling against the woman’s hold and turned to look at Carried, his eyes widening in fear and desperation. He hoped Carriedo didn’t notice. He didn't like the way the man was looking at him. 

"L-Lovino" he replied. Carriedo seemed satisfied with Lovino's sudden change in attitude and smiled widely at him, making Lovino feel suddenly very self-conscious. 

"Take him to Bella, please. She will tell him what to do" Carriedo ordered and turned his back to them. The woman nodded, grabbed Lovino by the arm and left the room at once. Lovino stopped fighting and followed her down a flight of stairs with his head bowed low. 

The woman didn’t talk to him as she brought him down to where the kitchens were, and Lovino didn’t look up from his feet until they suddenly came to a stop. He raised his eyes to a young girl standing in the middle of a steamy room, brandishing a wooden spoon around. She was beautiful, with her blond hair held by a red hair-band, and she turned to greet him with a big smile on her face. 

“Who are you, little boy?” she asked putting down the wooden spoon on a table. The ugly woman let him go and pushed him further into the kitchen. 

“The new maid, Bella” the woman said. “She is the cook” she added then directed at Lovino. “Follow all her orders and don’t make a fuss”

“What’s your name, little boy?” Bella asked, kindly, kneeling down to his eyes level. The woman rolled her eyes to the ceiling, and without another word left them alone. 

"L-Lovino" he said, feeling much more comfortable now that the ugly woman was gone. "I'm not supposed to be here"

Bella smiled sadly at him and caressed his face in a motherly manner. 

"Oh, honey, no one is" she said, "but don't you worry. I'm going to take care of you” 

"I don't need to be taken care of" Lovino spat, trying to sound brave, although he was still shaking in fear. He felt like crying, but he didn't want to cry before this kind and beautiful girl. 

"How old are you, Lovino?"

"T-ten"

"You'll help me out in the kitchen from now on. Is that fine with you, Lovino?" Bella asked, and Lovino shook his head no. Of course he was not fine with it! He needed to find his brother! Oh, God. He wasn't going to see him ever again, was he?

"Please don't cry" Bella suddenly exclaimed. Lovino looked up at her, confused, and touched his cheeks, surprised to feel them wet. 

"Damn it" he swore. "Damn it" 

He dropped on the floor and punched the tiles in anger. Bella kneeled down next to him and hugged him tight. Lovino was too exhausted to shove her away. He let her put her hands around his shoulders and broke down in tears. 


	2. Chapter 2

###  Chapter Two

Lovino decided he would count the days of his imprisonment. 

***

Although Lovino primarily lived in the kitchens and hardly ever talked to the other inhabitants of that scary mansion, it immediately became clear to him that there were too many servants and too few masters coexisting in such a vast place. It was odd to have so many people under the orders of just one man, but Bella immediately informed him that it wasn’t such a rare occurrence after all. Actually, all aristocratic families in the country had innumerable slaves and servants at their disposal. It was a ratio of three to one, Bella said, whatever she meant by that. The man who had the money just lived better off. 

Carriedo was unquestionably the owner of the house, but his property was much vaster than that. After his parents died, Carriedo not only had inherited the mansion, but all the fields surrounding it as well. Literally millions of acres of lemon trees, pistachio trees and vineyards. Bella had told him that Carriedo’s cousin used to live in the mansion, but since the he had been in constant conflict with the legitimate owner, he decided to move to the other side of the country for good. 

At this point, Lovino was certain that Carriedo was a very bad man, if he had managed to piss off his own relatives. 

Ten years old Lovino had looked at Carried through the eyes of a child and he was shocked when Bella told him that the man was much younger than he first supposed him to be. He believed him to be an awfully naïve thirty years old man, but in reality he was still a seventeen years old boy. His age, however, didn’t justify his gullibility. In fact, Lovino believed to be much more mature than Carriedo, despite their age difference. 

The few times Lovino had met Carriedo in person, the man gave him the creeps. Carriedo laughed, winked at him and acted absolutely foolishly, and it was impossible to think that such a weirdo could have so much power over Lovino. To cut a long story short, Lovino hated his guts. 

His revulsion, however, was nothing compared to the absolute hatred Lovino felt for the busty woman that practically kept a tight rein on the house. He hated her from the moment she had grabbed him and forced him to open his mouth as if he were a horse in some fair, and Lovino would bet his own life that he will keep loathing her as long as he lived. 

No one had any idea of her real name or of her origins, so everyone just called her the Matron. What was known about her was the fact she had been serving the Carriedo family since she was a little girl and that she was in control of everything that went on in the mansion and in the fields surrounding it. She was the true owner of the Carriedo legacy and she would keep being it until Carriedo finally decided to take matters into his own hands. 

The Matron was a nasty woman, and it was better to stay in her good graces. According to Bella, it was the Matron who decided the fate of each servant. She was the one who checked people’s schedules; she was the one to decide when to dine and when to sleep. Her word was the servant’s will, period. Lovino met many other orphans like him, who had been serving the Carriedos since they were little boys, and they all loathed the Matron without exception. These slaves, however, had to abide to the Matron’s rules, for they had no one else in the world waiting for them outside the mansions’ walls. 

Lovino was glad to have a brother, but the mere thought of Feliciano put him into such unbearable grief he sometimes wished he had none. Every night Lovino would fall asleep wondering where Feliciano was and if he was doing well. For the time being Lovino had Bella by his side, a reassuring presence. Who knew if Feliciano shared his same luck, or was rotting in some closet, waiting in terror for the next pervert to put his hands on him? 

Lovino had heard enough from the other slaves to bless his good fortune. He wasn’t sure Carriedo had _that_ in store for him, but days passed and the Matron never came to take him away from the kitchens. His destiny, he was now sure, was being the cook’s assistant. He had no intention to be one, though.

On day seven of his imprisonment, Lovino started planning his escape. 

Bella’s supervision was easy to elude, and as long as the Matron ignored his existence, Lovino was sure he was easily going to find a way out of this situation. There was no way he was going to rot in that place. He was going to get out of there, may it be the last thing he do. 

The problem was he wasn’t allowed to leave the kitchens unescorted, and even if he managed to step out of the mansion through the front door, Lovino knew the guards standing there would immediately take him back in. Bella confirmed his fears when asked. 

“If the guards catch you, you’re screwed, trust me on this” Bella said while she was cutting the onions for the stew she was making for dinner. She wiped her teary eyes with the back of her hands and started peeling some potatoes. “They have all the rights to beat you to death. I don’t think Carriedo will allow it, though. They need workforce” 

On day thirty-three, Lovino fully acknowledged the fact that his one and only role in that fucked up play was that of being Bella’s little helper. The realization lulled him into a false sense of security. Bella liked him, and as long as Lovino wasn’t in the Matron’s way, she didn’t complaint much about the way he worked. On day thirty-four, Lovino was permitted to follow Bella to the back garden: a little spot of land enclosed by a high perimeter wall –five times Lovino’s height- situated in the south wing of the mansion. It was there where Bella mostly picked all the vegetables and the fruits she used for cooking. 

Bella’s best friend, Nathan, looked after the trees and the adjoining little orchard. He was a tall, blond man with piercing, icy blue eyes. He was a defiant man, who smoked even when he wasn’t allowed to, and always had a cig dangling from his lips. He didn't speak much, and Lovino was terrified of him. 

Nevertheless, it was easy to ignore Nathan’s presence, when Lovino accompanied Bella to the back garden. He loved it there. It was a slice of heaven, filled with vegetables Lovino had never seen in his whole life. What really fascinated Lovino, however, was the lonely lemon tree standing right in the middle of it. He couldn’t understand why they decided to plant just one of those trees in the back garden, when Bella used its fruits on a daily basis. Nevertheless, Carriedo had many lemon trees at his disposal out in the fields, so the fact they always had lemons in the kitchen shouldn’t come as a surprise. That lemon tree, in fact, was quite redundant. 

In the far end of the back garden there was a log cabin, where Nathan kept all his gardening tools. Lovino had looked inside it once, just out of curiosity, and he was shocked to see it was quite empty. He could stand inside it comfortably and Lovino could even lie down and take a nap undisturbed. Nathan and Bella knew he was hiding there, but never took the trouble to yank him out of it. The little cabin soon became Lovino’s favorite place in the whole mansion. 

For Lovino, being able to go out of the kitchens and into the back garden was a huge success. As a newly brought slave, many, if not all of the palace’s rooms were still off limits to him. Despite being Bella’s little helper, following her to town for grocery shopping was out of the question as well. Lovino knew that escaping through the town’s busy streets would be much easier, but he had to make do. 

Lovino had thought it over very carefully. He could either try escaping by climbing over the back garden’s protective wall, or wait for Carriedo to put him to work in the fields. The second option, however, might take years and Lovino didn’t like hard work. 

Many other slaves like him already worked there. They woke up at four o’clock in the morning and didn’t return to the mansion until very late in the evening, when the sun had already set and everybody was already fast asleep. They just went back to the mansion to debrief to the Matron and to get some hours of sleep, but otherwise lived and ate out in the fields. Lovino had briefly seen their exhausted faces, filled with dirt and unshed tears, and instantly knew there was no way he could make it out of it alive. They were under constant supervision, and Lovino would be probably shot to death if he tried something funny. 

The back garden was all in all his safer bet. On day forty-two, much to Bella’s dismay, Lovino decided to start eating just enough to survive. He lost pounds and muscle, and soon enough the Matron declared he was too weak to even pick up a hoe. Lovino thus remained by Bella’s side and avoided the danger of being sent to work in the fields. 

“No one is going to send you to work in the fields. Please, eat something” Bella had pleaded him. “You are going to starve to death”

“I don’t mind” Lovino told her, but soon regretted his choice of words when Bella’s eyes filled with tears. 

“What are you trying to do, Lovino?” Bella asked, but Lovino couldn’t reply to that. Bella was a wonderful lady, but he tried to keep her at a distance. Lovino didn’t want to grow attached, or else he would never manage to escape with a light heart. 

On day sixty-one, the Matron suddenly decided to pay him a visit. Lovino was suddenly allowed to leave the kitchen without supervision, if Bella needed something from the back garden and couldn’t go there herself. Lovino was thrilled. 

On day sixty-two, Bella told him to fetch some cucumbers. Lovino bolted out of the kitchen in an instant, but instead of going left through the hall that led to the back garden, he turned right towards the main hall. The servants cleaning around him didn’t pay him any attention, but Lovino remained on his guard until he finally reached the main hall. When he finally arrived, he let out a yelp of joy in finding the room completely empty. 

It was now or never, Lovino thought, as he started running to the front doors without a second thought. He lifted his scrawny arms and grabbed the knobs. The heavy wooden door screeched open, and Lovino stepped outside, lifting his chin to bask in the morning sun. He heard the roar of the fountain’s water and took a daring step forwards. 

Lovino was suddenly heaved up and he screamed in surprise. He punched the air to free himself and turned to glare at the guard holding him, an unimpressed look on his dirty face. 

“What are you doing outside, lad?” the guard asked, his breath reeking of alcohol. 

“I think he was trying to escape” said his partner stepping closer. Lovino insulted them and tried to punch the guard on the nose, but he was weak and all his attempts just looked plainly ridiculous. The guards, however, didn’t seem amused. 

“You know what happens to the slaves who try to escape, lad?” the first guard asked, and, suddenly feeling helpless, Lovino burst into tears. He cried for Bella’s name as the guards dragged him to the little cabin they used to beat the slaves, undisturbed. 

“Just let him go” a voice suddenly interrupted them. The guards immediately let Lovino go, and the boy fell down on his butt. Lovino sniffed, and his eyes became as wide as saucers when he saw Carriedo slowly walking towards them. He was still wearing his travelling clothes, and Lovino finally noticed the muddy coach standing by the gate.

“He is just a scrawny kid” Carriedo said with a smile, sounding more worried than angry. He flinched when Carried softly took him in his arms and helped him on his feet. 

“He tried to escape” the guard said, matter-of-factly. “We are ordered to whip whoever-!” 

“It’s fine” Carriedo interrupted him, “he learnt his lesson” 

“As you order, sir” the guard said, and didn’t move from his place as Carriedo shoved Lovino back inside. As soon as the doors were closed behind them, though, Lovino ran immediately away, back to the kitchen’s safety. He said nothing to Bella, and she was too busy with her chores to ask if something was wrong. 

His escaping attempt, however, couldn’t remain a secret for long. Later that evening, just half an hour before dinner, the Matron stormed into the kitchen and demanded that Lovino followed her outside. 

“He tried to escape today” the Matron stated, putting her hands on her waist. “The guards told me so right now, and I can’t believe he went unpunished!” 

Bella tried to reason with her, but the Matron was very adamant. Lovino realized from the way Bella’s eyes opened wide that he was in big trouble. He immediately tried to hide in one of the cupboards, but the Matron was stronger and faster than he will ever be and she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt with much more force than was strictly necessary. Bella started to cry, and Lovino’s insults died in his throat at the sight. 

Nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. The Matron just dragged him away towards the main hall, where one of the guards was waiting for them, whip in hand. 

Lovino returned back to Bella’s arms half an hour later, bloody, a quivering mass of regret and fear. Lovino promised himself not to cry, and managed to remain stoic even when Bella softly tore his clothes away from his damaged skin and mended his wounds. The scars would remain on his skin forever. 

Lovino didn’t try to escape from the front door ever again. Even if the whipping had been the Matron’s way of teaching him a lesson, Lovino became even more determined to leave. The Matron, however, started keeping a closer eye on him, and only a month later was he allowed to leave the kitchen unsupervised again.

On day one hundred and three, the wounds on his back stopped itching. It became easier to fall asleep, and every night Lovino dreamt of the conversation he would have with his brother when they would finally reunite. 

On day one hundred twenty-one, the opportunity he had so much longed for suddenly presented itself. By then Lovino knew the back garden like the back of his hand and he could orient himself through it with his eyes closed. That was why, when he accompanied Bella outside to help Nathan with the gardening, he immediately noticed the old, wooden ladder lying half hidden behind some bushes against the wall. 

Lovino's heart started beating really fast in his chest. The ladder was as high as the wall, and although it seemed a little bit old, it was sturdy enough to support his weight, especially now that he was so skinny. If he managed to climb that ladder unnoticed, he would reach the top in no time and jump to the other side without problems. He could escape by night, when no one could see him. Moreover, Nathan never stayed in the garden after dinner, which made things extremely easier. Speaking of him, Lovino shot a glance towards the gardener and caught him staring while he was pulling weeds from the garden bed. Lovino immediately averted his attention, his heart galloping in his chest. He sometimes believed Nathan had the ability to read minds.

For the rest of the day, Lovino followed Bella’s orders absentmindedly. He was so lost in thought, he even cut his fingers while chopping the onions they needed for dinner. The hours passed painfully slow, and Lovino let out a growl of frustration when he went to bed and realized Bella had still chores to do before she could lie down as well. 

It was past midnight when Lovino finally decided he could leave Bella’s side without waking her up. He made the slightest noise possible and tiptoed outside. Lovino made a bee line to the back garden, checking the presence of servants or guards at every turn. Everything was clear, and the moon was so bright, no one could lurk in a dark corner without him noticing. 

The ladder was right where Nathan had left it, lying against the wall. Adrenaline surged through his veins. He was going to see his brother soon, he was sure of it. He touched the ladder and made to climb the first rung, when a voice suddenly startled him, making him almost fall on his butt.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you” 

Lovino turned abruptly around and swore under his breath when he saw Carriedo leaning serenely against the opposite wall. Carriedo was gazing up at the stars above them, as if he hadn’t just caught Lovino red handed.

Lovino shoot a longing look at the ladder behind him and thought that he could still make it. He grabbed the side rails and put his right foot on the first rung again, but stopped when Carriedo suddenly walked over to him. Lovino looked at him in fear, but he was shocked to see that Carriedo was smiling kindly at him. 

"The mansion is in the middle of the woods" Carriedo said when he came face to face with Lovino. He leaned down so they could make eye contact, and Lovino took a startled step backwards and slammed his back against the wall, almost kicking the ladder on the ground in the process. 

"I don't care, bastard!" Lovino spat. Carriedo cocked his head to one side, clearly amused, and didn’t step back from Lovino’s personal bubble.

"So you are not afraid of wolves, are you?" Carriedo asked. 

"W-wolves?" Lovino repeated, a lump in his throat, and Carriedo suddenly turned serious.

"Yes, wolves" Carriedo said. "They hunt little scrawny kids like you, especially in nights like this, when the moon shines bright and it’s difficult to hide" 

"I-I don’t care!" Lovino exclaimed, glancing around for a way out. Carriedo smiled brightly at him and took a step backwards. 

“I suppose then that you have a way to fight them off” Carriedo said. 

“I-I-!” Lovino stuttered, he didn’t know how to reply to that. 

“I am curious, little guy” Carriedo said, “how are you going to run away from them when you are so weak and pale? You would have been stronger if you had eaten something, but-!” 

“Mind you own fucking business!” Lovino interrupted him all of a sudden. He blushed in anger and wondered if Carriedo was going to mock him for a while longer before he actually told the guards on him. Carriedo, however, didn’t seem to harbor any malicious intent. 

"I am just telling you this for your own wellbeing" Carriedo said with a laugh. He smiled brightly again, patted Lovino on the head, and didn’t comment when the latter slapped his hand away. "It was a pleasure meeting you!" he declared and unexpectedly turned his back to the younger man, making his way back to the mansion nonchalantly. When Carriedo finally left him alone, Lovino shot a mournful look at the ladder besides him before he ran back inside. 

Bella found him the next morning sound asleep by her side, tossing and turning. She touched him softly on the check, and Lovino woke up with a start, panting as if he had been running miles. Bella didn’t ask him what where nightmares were about, but she felt something was wrong when Lovino clutched her dress and didn’t let her go for the rest of the day. 

When day one hundred twenty-seven was nearing its end, Lovino made up his mind and took a knife with him before he tiptoed out of the kitchens. The ladder was still in the back garden, and this time he checked twice for Carriedo or Nathan before he stepped outside. Lovino walked towards the ladder, undisturbed, and stared at the black sky above him. 

"He was just trying to scare me, the bastard" Lovino said out loud. "There are no wolves, and I am strong enough. What a loser" he declared and snickered. He put his right foot on the first rung and gulped, when a wolf suddenly howled in the distance. He ran back inside as swiftly as the wind. 

Maybe escaping by night wasn't such a good plan, after all. He needed an accomplice, but he doubted Bella would blindly follow him into the unknown. Lovino realized he cook had been serving the Carriedos for so long, she had forgotten what freedom really meant. Bella told him that she had nowhere else to go and that she considered the mansion as her home. She felt safer in the kitchens than in any other part of the world. 

***

On day one hundred thirty-five, Lovino realized he was starving. He managed to resist to temptation for a couple of hours, then he devoured a whole loaf of bread. 

On day one hundred forty-one, Lovino forgot it was day one hundred forty-one. 

***

A week later, the Matron surprised them with a visit. It was still early in the morning, and Bella had just started preparing breakfast. Lovino was still too tired to welcome the Matron with due respect, so he just flipped her off when he was sure she wasn’t looking. 

"The master needs someone to clean his room. I need to take it upstairs" the Matron declared with a nasty smirk on her face. Bella almost dropped her wooden spoon at that and turned to look at the Matron, taken aback. 

“Do you really need Lovino for that? I thought Marian was in charge of the master’s chambers” Bella said. 

“Are you questioning me?” the Matron asked, raising an eyebrow, and grabbed Lovino’s arm before Bella could retort. 

“Wait! He is just a child and-!” Bella exclaimed, but the Matron sniffed in disapproval and dragged Lovino away from her stretched arms. 

“I don’t want to clean!” Lovino shouted right then, sensing that something was off. The Matron just pulled him by the arm and kept walking. “Let me go, you bitch!” Lovino screeched. “Bella! Bella, help me!” 

"Shut up!" the Matron ordered. “Do you really think I didn’t see you flip me off a couple of minutes ago? Be glad I am not going to beat you to death for it!” she exclaimed. Lovino struggled against her hold, but otherwise remained completely silent as they climbed up the stairs to Carriedo’s rooms. 

Lovino’s heart was pounding. His hands were sweaty. He had no idea what awaited for him, but he wasn’t going to ask, because he knew the Matron wasn’t going to answer. His vision suddenly became blurry. He wanted Bella to be with him. He wanted a lot of things. 

When they finally reached Carriedo’s personal chambers, the Matron finally let go of him and turned to look at him sternly. Lovino noticed there was a broom lying against the wall behind them and plenty of cleaning supplies besides it. The sight perked him up. 

“Here is Carriedo’s bedroom” the Matron told him pointing at a door on their right. “What you need to do is to dust the bookcase next to the window, wipe the floor and take the curtains down for cleaning” she ordered him. 

Under the Matron’s peeved stare, Lovino reached for the broom and the duster and walked over the door. 

“I want you to come back to me as soon as you finish here, so I can show you where you are going to wash the curtains” the Matron said. Lovino slightly nodded, scowling at her imperial tone of voice. Who did she think she was? Lovino thought, opening the door. Fat old sow. 

The Matron watched him step hesitantly inside, and Lovino yelped when the woman suddenly shoved him inside, threw a rag on his head and silently closed the door behind him. Lovino turned abruptly to curse her and stilled, thinking he heard a man coughing. Nevertheless, when he turned back around to scan the room, Lovino realized there was no one there. 

Carriedo’s bedroom was bigger than the kitchen, bathed in the bright morning sun filtering through a big window on Lovino’s right. As the Matron had told him, there was a wooden bookcase by the window, smartly located so that the sun didn’t come in direct contact with the books lining on the bookshelves. Lovino moved his eyes towards the unmade sleight bed with its footboards made from heavy wood. What caught Lovino’s attention, though, was the petit grand piano located on the farthest end of the room, which clashed greatly with the amount of trash Carriedo had filled his room with. The piano, however, was not Lovino’s first priority. 

"It would take me all day long to clean in here!" he complained out loud and dropped the broom on the floor. He paced around the room and finally decided to sit in front of the piano. Lovino puffed out his cheeks and shot a fiery look at the curtains. 

What if he just took the curtains down and pretended he had cleaned in there? He wondered. The Matron would never know. No one was here to check out on him, after all. 

He sighed loudly and turned to the piano again, wincing when he inadvertently touched one of the keys. He stood straighter and furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed the guitar hidden behind the piano. He jumped down from his seat and walked around the piano to pick the classic guitar up. 

Not only Carriedo played the piano, but he played guitar too? What a loser, Lovino thought, plucking one of the chords. 

“You like guitars?” a voice suddenly said, and Lovino dropped the instrument with a loud shriek. Carriedo laughed behind him, and Lovino suddenly turned to look at him in fear. He hadn’t heard the man opening the door. 

"I-I…!" Lovino stuttered and blushed when Carriedo laughed again. "I need to take the curtains downstairs! The bitch… oh, shit… I mean…!" Lovino exclaimed, not knowing what else to say. 

Carriedo just laughed louder. 

"What are you laughing at, bastard?" Lovino shouted, annoyed, and crossed his arms over his chest. Carriedo wiped a fake tear from his eyes and smiled. 

"Nothing!" Carriedo said. "You are just too cute” 

"W-what?" Lovino shrieked. Carriedo walked towards him and kneeled down to pick his guitar up. 

"I could teach you how to play, if you want" Carriedo proposed, but Lovino shook his head no. 

"I thought you played the piano" Lovino said, furrowing his eyebrows. 

"No, my friend does. This piano was a birthday present from him in hopes I would learn to play it too" Carriedo replied. “I prefer the guitar” 

"I don't really care" Lovino declared, making a bee line to the window. "I'm just here for the curtains" he explained getting a hold of them. He tried to pull the curtains down, but in vain. Carriedo laughed, and Lovino shot him a murderous look. 

"Let me help you!" Carriedo exclaimed. He softly put the guitar down and walked over to where Lovino was standing. 

" _No!_ " Lovino shouted and pulled the curtains even harder. 

“Wait, we have to-!” Carriedo warned him. 

A loud ripping sound made them both still. The drapes in Lovino’s hands suddenly slackened, and Lovino suddenly lost his balance. He slipped and fell on the floor with a loud thud. He stared at Carriedo standing above him with the curtains safe in his arms, staring at him with a worried look on his face. 

"Are you okay?" Carriedo asked, but Lovino bolted up and ran away back to the kitchens without another word. 


	3. Chapter 3

### Chapter Three

To say that the Matron was angry for the ruined curtains would be a huge understatement. As soon as she heard what had happened, she stormed into the kitchen, her eyes shooting flames, and demanded that Lovino followed her outside. There was no way out of this punishment, she declared when Bella had tried to reason with her.

"You worthless piece of shit!"

Lovino tried hard not to scream while the Matron repeatedly hit his open palms with a wet stick. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing his pain and he bit his lips until they bled to stop himself crying out. 

"You are worthless!"

Hit. 

"Useless!"

Hit. 

"I asked you to do one single thing!"

Hit.

"What have you been doing all of this time?"

Hit.

The skin in Lovino’s hands broke, and every time the Matron raised her stick to hit him again, a little drop of blood shot in the air along with it and stained Lovino’s already dirty shirt. The pain was excruciating. He wanted to cry, but he was too proud to. 

"Please, miss. That’s enough!" Bella suddenly exclaimed, her eyes wide as she stared down at Lovino’s open palms. The stick stilled in mid-air, and the Matron snapped her head to Bella. The younger woman took an uncertain step back when the Matron pointed the stick at her in accusation. Lovino seized the opportunity and ran to hide behind Bella’s gown. 

"It's your fault, Miss Bella!” the Matron shouted, livid. "You were in charge of this kid. I bet you made its job easy, and here’s the result! It gone soft and now it can’t do shit! Do you know how much those curtains were worth? And this useless thing ruined them! Do you know what this will cost us? _Do you_?" she asked, screaming at the top of her lungs. Lovino held onto Bella’s dress in fear and heaved out a sigh of relief when he felt Bella’s hand caress reassuringly the top of his head. 

"Discipline!” the Matron continued. “It needs to be disciplined. This kid doesn’t follow orders" 

"I assure you he does everything I tell him to do, miss" Bella stated, but the Matron rolled her eyes to the ceiling. 

“Stop defending this piece of crap” the Matron said. “I’ll teach it discipline. Oh, I sure will, Miss Bella!” 

"I don't understand" Bella said, confused. The Matron looked smugly at her, and then shot a disgusted glance to where Lovino was hiding. 

"The kid is under my command now. I won't let it out of my sight for a second" the Matron declared, and Bella’s face suddenly hardened. 

"I can’t let you do that. I need help in the kitchen! How am I supposed to do everything on my own?" Bella asked, but the Matron raised an amused eyebrow at her. 

"You were doing fine until now” the Matron commented with a smirk, and when Bella shot her a disbelieving look, she added: “Don’t worry, it will work for you too. I won't let it have a moment of rest"

In that moment, Lovino wanted nothing more than scream at her, hurt her, rip her eyes out of her head with his bare hands, but it took him just one look at her blood stained stick to realize that he was still too young, too weak to do anything. He felt overwhelmed by loneliness and he shot a glance at his shaking, wounded hands to calm himself down. 

"Are you listening, useless thing?" the Matron asked, shoving Bella away to get closer to Lovino. The boy immediately hid his hands in his pockets and stared defiantly at the Matron for a long silent moment. When she hit the stick on the ground as a warning, Lovino finally nodded in agreement. 

He had procrastinated long enough. Lovino needed to leave that place and return back to his brother as soon as possible, and if he failed to do so, Lovino would be reunited with his father at least. The Matron smirked at him, content with his silence and abruptly turned her back to him. Lovino’s lips became a thin line. 

He was going to escape that very same night, he decided then. The ladder was still in the back garden, waiting. Being devoured by the wolves was going to hurt less than any punishment the Matron could come up with. He was dead meat anyway.

“Follow me” the Matron ordered in a suspiciously calm voice without looking at him, and Lovino jumped back in fear and grabbed Bella’s dress again. Bella put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly, reassuringly, and Lovino felt warm inside. The Matron hit the stick on the floor again, and Lovino finally let go of Bella’s gown. 

“He is tired, miss!” Bella tried to reason with her. “Let me at least bandage the wounds on his hands” 

“This is part of his punishment” the Matron explained shooting a glance behind her shoulder at them. Lovino let out a strangled sigh and started walking towards her, much to the Matron’s delight. 

“Very good” the Matron stated. She stretched her hand to grab him by the shoulder, but Lovino abruptly pulled away from her grasp. The Matron remained silent and just pushed him slightly towards the stairs that led to the upper floors. Lovino didn’t dare to look back at Bella, for fear he was going to catch her crying, and quickly climbed up the stairs. When they finally reached Carriedo’s quarters, the Matron tossed him a broom and some rugs she had placed next to Carriedo’s bedroom door without a word. Lovino knew what to do. 

Despite his aching and bloody hands, he grabbed the cleaning tools and opened the door to Carriedo’s bedroom. The ripped curtains were no longer there and Carriedo too was nowhere to be seen. Lovino started working, staring numbly at the floor while the Matron controlled his every movement perched on the couch like a starving raptor. She ordered him constantly around, and when Lovino failed to follow her every wish, she threatened to hit him with the stick she still held in her hands. For the first time since Lovino first came to that damned mansion, he genuinely missed Carriedo’s presence. 

Cleaning was much harder than he expected, because the blood kept flowing from his wounds and kept staining everything he touched, so that he had to do it all over again. At some point Lovino tore his shirt in half and bandaged his hands to stop sullying what he had managed to clean, earning a skeptical but amused look from the Matron’s part. By the time he was done, Lovino was ready to pass out from the effort. The crescent moon had already appeared in the sky, casting shadows through the open window, and the Matron stared at it for a while before she decided Lovino had done enough for the day. 

She took the cleaning tools from his hands and ordered him to go back to Bella, and Lovino gladly complied. He quickly walked back to the kitchen, where Bella was already waiting for him. She took care of his wounds and helped him out of his ruined clothes. The kitchens smelled of spices and roasted turkey, but the scent of food only managed to make Lovino nauseous. He asked for Bella’s forgiveness, for making her cry and worry, and the young woman burst out crying, pulled him into her embrace and whispered soothing words in his ear. He passed out not soon after. 

When he woke up again, it was already past midnight, and Bella was sleeping soundly next to him. Lovino’s hands were clean and neatly bandaged, and he had new clothes on. He murmured a word of thanks, even though Bella couldn’t hear him, and sneaked silently out of bed. He put some shoes on and tiptoed out of the kitchen, making a bee line to the back garden. No one followed him or was waiting for him outside. The ladder was right where Nathan had left it the past week, and Lovino headed towards it with his heart galloping in his chest. 

The cool night breeze caressed his cheeks carrying the dazzling scent of blossom from the lemon tree with it. He shot a glance at the tree in question, standing all alone in the middle of the garden, and a sense of pity welled up in him. The garden was silent if not for the sound of the wind passing through the trees’ branches, and Lovino suddenly became conscious of his place in the world. His hands started throbbing again. 

“I can’t do it” he murmured in the night before he put a foot on the first rang. He grabbed the side rails to get on the second rang and hissed when the pain shot through his arms. He looked up towards the dark sky and swore that the ladder was stretching out, getting longer and longer until it disappeared into the clouds. He stepped back on the ground. 

“I can’t do it” he said again, louder this time, and fell on his knees. He screamed into his bandaged hands in anger, shot up again and kicked the ladder down. He cursed his luck and the mansion and everyone living inside it. He looked at the moon and prayed for someone to kill him right then. No one answered his prayers, and he went back inside, back into his makeshift bed. 

The morning after, the Matron came to pick him up very early with a task: Lovino had to clean all the windows in the ballroom and to scrub out every vase decorating the main hall, and Lovino could do nothing but follow the Matron outside. He tried his best, hissing angry words under his breath when the Matron severely scolded him if she thought he missed a spot. She didn't bring her stick with her that time, but Lovino knew better than to defy her. It took him three hours to finish everything, and by that time the Matron had already come up with another task for him to do. 

“The last thing I want you to do,” the Matron said, “is to dust the bookshelves in your master’s studio. When you are done with that, you must go help Miss Bella with lunch”. 

Lovino didn't complaint and followed her upstairs to Carriedo’s studio in silence. Nobody paid attention to them as they passed by, and Lovino was by then so used to be ignored that he was shocked to see a pair of eyes intentionally look up towards him when the Matron opened the door. Lovino stilled by the doorstep, the duster shaking slightly in his hands, as a man with horn rimmed glasses checked him from head to toe, disapprovingly. Carriedo was sitting at a large mahogany desk right next to the stranger, looking bored to death, flipping the pages of a book without much enthusiasm. 

"Miss, we are studying," the strange, boney man said. “I must ask you to leave and leave the cleaning for later”. 

Carriedo finally looked up from his book and smiled kindly at Lovino when their eyes met. 

"I'm afraid I can’t do that, Mr. Cricket" the Matron declared, conceitedly, and pushed Lovino further into the big room. Lovino shot a glance at his dirty clothes and blushed slightly under Carriedo’s scrutinizing stare. The older man’s eyes suddenly fixed on Lovino’s wounded hands, and the boy immediately hid them behind his back, moving around the Matron towards the bookshelves as nonchalantly as possible. Mr. Cricket sniffed in disapproval and slightly patted Carriedo on the shoulder, prompting him back to his book. 

When Carriedo’s back was turned, Lovino dared to look up again and tilted his neck to the side to see what was written on the big chalkboard next to Mr. Cricket’s place. He could just see a bunch of gibberish, white on black, but since he couldn’t make anything out of it, Lovino instantly lost interest. 

"Take all the books out," the Matron whispered, aggressively pushing him further away from the two men, who were supposedly studying, "dust the shelves and put the books exactly where you found them, understood? I want you do be done in an hour at most” 

"Yes, yes" Lovino agreed, annoyed, and climbed up a ladder lying against one of the bookcases to get to the upper shelf. The Matron helped him steady himself and passed him the duster Lovino had left on the floor to step on the ladder. 

"Miss!" Mr. Cricket suddenly exclaimed, startling them both. "Be as quiet as possible!” he admonished, putting a finger on his thin lips. The Matron narrowed her eyes at him, and Lovino felt like snickering at Mr. Cricket’s lack of survival instinct. 

"Mr. Cricket, I assure you that I-!" the Matron started, but she bit her tongue when Carriedo snorted behind his hands. “Mr. Carriedo!” she exclaimed outraged. 

"I don’t think both of you are needed here to dust a couple of books” Mr. Cricket stated. 

“I think, Miss, ” Carriedo said, speaking for the first time since they stepped into the room, “you are more needed downstairs than here”. 

“Yes, surely, ” the Matron said, taken aback, “but I need to check on the kid so that it doesn’t anything stupid” 

“I’m sure he can manage” Carriedo said. 

Lovino stuck his tongue out at the Matron’s back and immediately snapped his attention back to the books when she turned to look at him, as if she had felt his act of insolence on her skin. Carriedo laughed, and Lovino dared to look sideways at him, pouting when Carried winked at him, knowingly.

“Miss, he is already distracted as it is” Mr. Cricket complained, and the Matron finally took a step away from Lovino. 

“Very well” she said, bowed slightly at Carriedo and left the room in a hurry. 

“You wrote that formula completely wrong, Antonio” Mr. Cricket said as soon as the door clicked close, pointing at the chalkboard with a bony finger. “Please, rub that out and do the math problem all over again. You can’t seriously believe you are going to be able to check on your accountants, when you can’t solve a problem as simple as that!” 

Lovino completely forgot about the books he was supposed to be dusting and stretched his neck to better watch what Carriedo was doing. The man looked around the desk where he was sitting and shrugged apologetically at Mr. Cricket. 

“There is no sponge here” Carriedo said with a sheepish smile. 

“It was here a moment ago,” Mr. Cricket said, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. Carriedo shrugged again, and Mr. Cricket let out a sigh. “You could have told me earlier. I would have asked that crazy woman to bring us a new one” 

“Ask the boy to get it” Carriedo said, and Mr. Cricket raised his head to look at Lovino, who immediately started taking books out of the bookshelf again. 

“No, it’s going to take too long” Mr. Cricket said. “I’ll get it” he added and after shooting a long, sad look at the chalkboard, walked away towards the door. Feeling Mr. Cricket’s eyes on his back, Lovino wielded his duster back and forth and only stopped when he heard the door shut close again. Carriedo sighed loudly from his place by the chalkboard, and Lovino looked down at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“Oops!” Carriedo exclaimed, taking the supposedly lost sponge out from under his chair. “It had been here all along,” he said with a laugh, and Lovino almost smiled at him in amusement. Remembering he was supposed to be dusting the shelves, Lovino reverted his attention back to his task in an instant. 

“Your name is Lovino, right?” Carriedo suddenly asked, startling Lovino. “It’s a beautiful name” he complimented him. 

"I hate it" Lovino replied, before he could think his words over. Carriedo looked up at him in confusion, and Lovino hid his sudden blush behind the duster he was holding. 

"Why?" Carriedo asked, honestly surprised, and Lovino stopped what he was doing to look at Carriedo once again. He watched the older man wash the chalkboard with the sponge for a long, calculating moment, before he decided to reply. 

"Because it's fucking stupid" Lovino stated in the end, and Carriedo laughed. 

“I think it’s beautiful” Carriedo said turning to look at him with a bright smile, making Lovino almost drop the duster and a couple of books balancing perilously at the top of the bookcase. 

"That's bullshit!” 

Carriedo laughed once again, and Lovino stared at him in disbelief. Carriedo closed his book shut and stretched his arms over his head. He looked up at Lovino again, and the younger boy stared furiously brandishing his duster over the books again. 

"I'm sorry for your hands" Carriedo apologized, his voice a tiny whisper, making Lovino still. "Bella told me all about it". 

"Well, the curtains…" Lovino trailed off looking down at his bandaged fingers. 

"I hated those curtains" Carriedo interrupted him. Just in that moment the door slammed open and Mr. Cricket stormed inside, carrying a new sponge with him. 

"Oh, I see you found the sponge," Mr. Cricket declared, amused. "I guess you won't mind solving these problems now, do you?" he asked making Carriedo groan in frustration. “Nice try, young man” Mr. Cricket said and opened the book to a random page. 

Lovino glanced at them and cocked his head to the side as Carriedo started writing on the chalkboard again. Lovino really couldn't understand what they were doing. It must have been something stupid, though, if he couldn’t comprehend it, so he stopped thinking about Carriedo and returned back to his dusting instead. 

The Matron returned to fetch him exactly an hour later. Lovino had put everything back into their place by the time she was back, and the Matron seemed extremely satisfied by his work, although she didn’t say a word about it. As soon as she dismissed him, Lovino bolted out of the room and returned back to the kitchens to help Bella with lunch preparations. The blond woman welcomed him back with open arms, checked the wounds in his hands and gave him something to eat to get his strength back. Lovino gladly accepted her caresses, and when Bella told him he didn’t need to do anything for her, he smuggled into his bed and slept like a log for a couple of hours. 

Unfortunately, the Matron returned later in the afternoon with another task for him to do, and Lovino had to leave Bella’s side again to go scrub the main hall’s vast floor. Later that evening, just before dinner was served, Lovino was finally free to go. 

Lovino was so exhausted he didn’t think about his plans until much later, when Bella was snoring lightly next to him. Everything around him was silent, and for the slightest of moments Lovino wondered if escaping was the right thing to do after all. He loved Bella a lot and he didn’t want to abandon her like this, but at the same time he couldn’t stay a day longer in that damned mansion. When the clock struck three, Lovino made up his mind and sneaked out of the kitchen. 

The back garden was as silent and scary as it always was at that time of the night, and Lovino paced around with his heart galloping in his chest in search of the ladder. When he finally spotted it, it took all of his power to lift it up and lay it against the wall. 

This time he was determined to get to the top. 

He started climbing up the ladder and reached the end of the wall in less than a minute, much to his surprise. Lovino let out a gasp when he finally saw what awaited him on the other side. As Carriedo had told him weeks before, the mansion was surrounded by the forest and the little town Bella always went for groceries was nothing but a small light in the distance. It would take him hours to get there on foot, if the wolves didn’t eat him first, that is. 

Lovino looked down at the ground. The wall was too high for him to jump, and if he attempted to do so, he would probably break a leg in the process. What if he managed, though? He could try to lift the heavy ladder up and drag it on the other side. He could still make it. Maybe he would manage to avoid the wolves and the bandits and ignore all the shadows lurking in the darkness. Or maybe not. He was too young. Too weak. Too lonely. 

“Where would I go?” Lovino whispered to himself. “Who is going to take care of me?” 

Lovino shot a longing look at the town, a glimmer in the darkness, and slowly climbed back down. He sighed loudly and walked over to the only lemon tree standing in the middle of the back garden. He looked up at it. Even for that tree, escape was impossible. They had no way out. They were stuck there for the rest of their lives. 

Lovino suddenly felt like crying. He sat down against the tree’s trunk and hid his head in his arms. He couldn't escape. He was too weak. He was too much of a coward. 

"Hey, kid" someone suddenly called for him, and Lovino snapped to attention. He curled into a ball as Nathan suddenly came out of the shadows and walked over to him. Lovino dried his face on his shirt, because he didn't want the gardener to see him crying, and made to stand up. Nathan, however, touched his shoulder in a calming manner and sat down next to him. 

"You care if I smoke?" the gardener asked, taking a cigarette out of his pockets, but Lovino remained silent. The gardener sighed and extended the cigarette to the young boy. "You smoke?" 

Lovino looked at the other's face and cocked his head in confusion. Nathan snickered and brought the cigarette to his lips. He lit a match and lighted his cigarette with it. 

"I guess not" Nathan said, sighing and puffed out some grey smoke. 

"May I?" Lovino suddenly asked, reaching for the cigarette between the other's lips. 

"You are too young, forget I asked you before" Nathan said, matter-of-factly, and Lovino pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. There was a long moment of silence, before Nathan spoke again: 

"I saw what you were trying to do" 

Lovino's breath hitched, and he looked at Nathan in fear. Nathan didn't comment on it, though, and Lovino looked up at the branches moving slightly above their heads. 

"I can't" Lovino said. "I'm useless. I can't do anything"

"And what if you could?" Nathan said, exhaling the smoke out from his nose. "What’s the difference? Where will you go? Who is waiting for you?" 

"I-I don't know. I'll find someone"

"You are too young, kid" Nathan said. "You are a slave here, and no one is waiting for you outside these walls. No one is searching for you. Face it. You are here now. There is much worse in the world, trust me"

Lovino looked up at him, then at the ladder. 

"Where will you go all alone?" Nathan asked again.

"I… I could…"

"There is nothing for you out there, kid. You are alone. Here there's Bella, and if you ever need anything, you can ask me too" 

"I…" Lovino tried to say something, but shook his head instead. "Yeah, probably" he admitted in the end. He stood up and without another glance at Nathan he ran back inside.

Nathan watched the kid go and sighed loudly. He run a hand through his hair and then looked towards his right, where someone had been standing hiding in the darkness throughout his conversation with Lovino.

"I did what you asked me to do" Nathan said, standing up when Carriedo approached him.

"He is not going to escape anymore?" Carriedo asked. 

"I don't think he has the strength to, not anymore" Nathan retorted. 

"Good" Carriedo said and put a bag of money in Nathan's hands. Nathan shot a fleeting glance at the gold inside it and then stared at Carriedo head-on. "Just remember to put your ladder away next time, okay?" Carriedo asked with a bright, innocent smile. 

Nathan nodded, his eyes betraying his sadness.

When Lovino followed Bella to back garden the next day, the ladder was gone forever.


	4. Chapter 4

### Chapter Four 

"So now, listen carefully. This is the C chord," Carriedo said, smiling widely, and carefully guided Lovino's fingers on the guitar’s strings. Lovino shrugged Carriedo’s hands off and stared down at the huge guitar in his arms. He was too tiny for it, and no matter how much he stretched his arms around it, he couldn’t grab the instrument properly. Nevertheless, he tried his best to put his fingers on the right place. "Yes! That's right!", Carriedo exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. 

Pathetic, Lovino thought. Why did his boss gush over something so stupid? He hated Carriedo when he acted like that. He hated the way he beamed at him when Lovino did something right. He wanted to punch that silly smile off of that stupid man’s face, but, at the same time, he couldn’t deny the pride puffing out his chest whenever Carriedo's eyes twinkled with joy. 

Carriedo put his hands over his, and Lovino suddenly felt very self-conscious. Carriedo was sitting behind him to teach him better, but he was too close for comfort, and Lovino suddenly wanted out of this. 

"This is so stupid!" Lovino shouted, pushed the guitar away and hopped down from his seat, while Carriedo blinked at him in confusion. 

"Why?" Carriedo asked. "You were doing so well!" he almost whined. 

The unexpected compliment made Lovino feel even worse, and his face became red with embarrassment. Not knowing how else to cover his discomfiture, Lovino kicked Carriedo’s knee for good measure and marched to the door. He should have known, Lovino thought pushing the door slightly open. He should have known that taking guitar lessons from Carriedo was going to be a very bad idea. 

It had sounded good at first. The Matron always followed him around except for those few hours he spent cleaning Carriedo’s rooms, especially when Carriedo himself was present. He had no idea why she seemed to hesitate by the door when Lovino was occupied with dusting and wiping the Carriedo family supposed trophies, but she did. Maybe Carriedo had ordered her to stay as far away as possible from him, and in all honesty Lovino couldn’t blame his boss for it. His house, his rules, after all, not to mention that the Matron’s ugly face did wonders for someone’s already faulty mood. Whatever the case, Lovino was free from that overgrown condor when Carriedo was around. What’s more, if the door was closed and the Matron couldn’t see them, Lovino didn’t need to do any chores, because Carriedo didn’t care if he spent his time watching him studying instead of dusting books. 

It was nice not having the Matron breathing down on his neck, and just to prolong these few hours of peace, Lovino decided to just take a chance and asked: 

“Teach me how to play guitar, you stupid airhead!” 

Lovino did not remember if he had stuttered. He probably hadn’t insulted Carriedo out loud, but even if he did, Carriedo had seemed too taken aback to react properly. 

“Of course” his boss had said, smiling. 

Carriedo always smiled, even when Lovino made perfectly clear to him how much he hated his guts. Lovino should have known that being the constant receiver of those smiles would make him feel really awkward in the long run. Taking guitar lessons from Carriedo meant of course that Lovino would be out from the Matron’s grasp for a few hours, but it also meant he would be _alone_ with Carriedo during the whole ordeal. 

Lovino felt comfortable only when Carriedo was too busy listening to Mr. Cricket’s rants on mathematics and book keeping. Being alone with him when Carriedo had nothing else to do, however, put Lovino in a very difficult position. Three failed attempts at guitar lessons later and Lovino was already hoping he hadn’t asked for it in the first place. He suddenly preferred the Matron’s barking to the feeling of Carriedo’s hands on his. 

Nevertheless, despite his own feelings, there was one thing that made that torture worth it. Carriedo knew how to play guitar, and then sound of the instrument, when played just right, made Lovino’s heart melt. It was reassuring; it was as if Lovino was standing somewhere else, away from that damned mansion, back to a place he knew and loved. 

All in all, Lovino didn’t want to learn how to play. He preferred if Carriedo did it instead. 

“I guess you must return to your chores” Carriedo said with a sigh, startling Lovino out of his thoughts. He stood up and put the guitar away, back in its lonely corner by the piano. Lovino stopped in his tracks, his hands lingering on the handle, and slowly turned to look at him. 

“I shouldn’t keep you here this long,” Carriedo said and laughed. “After all, the Matron is going to kill us both if you neglect your duty because of me”. 

“Damn right” Lovino said. “And I want to live, thank you very much” he declared, nose up in the air. He hesitated, and after a long moment of thought, closed the door again. “How did you call that chord again?” Lovino asked, turning back to his place by the piano. 

Carriedo laughed and picked the guitar up once more. This time, though, he tried to stay as far away from Lovino as possible, and Lovino finally managed to concentrate and learn the basic chords without feeling bad. 

“I was a difficult child myself, when I was your age” Carriedo confessed, when their time together was up and the Matron started softly knocking at the door every five minutes to remind them both that this has taken long enough. “But I sure didn’t curse as much as you do”. 

“I don’t curse, shithead” Lovino retorted and scoffed when Carriedo snickered. “By the way, I don’t really give a damn about your childhood”, Lovino added then watching as Carriedo put the guitar back in its place. The Matron coughed by the other side of the door, and Lovino made his way towards it, wondering if she had heard him call his boss a shithead despite the sturdy wooden door. 

“I mean”, Lovino said, loud enough, “I don’t really care, Mr. Carriedo”. The Matron coughed again. 

“Please don’t call me Mr. Carriedo”, Carriedo said, and Lovino abruptly snapped his head to him. On the outside the man looked completely calm, but Lovino immediately recognized the little signs of anxiety in Carriedo’s demeanor. “Just call me Antonio”, his boss suggested. 

Lovino furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but Carriedo just stared at him, his lips twitching upwards but not in a sincere smile. 

“I- I think I must go now”, Lovino mumbled in reply, and with his head hung low reached the door once again. Before he could touch the handle, however, the Matron opened the door for him as she finally had enough of waiting. She made a tentative step inside the room, but there was no sign of hesitancy in her voice when she said: 

“I hope this pest had not been slacking off, Mr. Carriedo”. 

“No, don’t you worry about him, madam” Carriedo said. A look of pure disconcert crossed the Matron’s face, and she flickered her gaze to Lovino for a moment before she continued: 

“Very well”. Lovino walked around her to get out of the room, and the Matron softly closed the door behind them. “We have to head to the ballroom now”, she said when they were alone and away from Carriedo’s ears. “The master’s birthday is in a few days, and the ballroom needs to be spotless for the upcoming Saturday”. 

“Alright” Lovino mumbled without looking up at her, and the Matron imperceptibly lost her step. 

“Madam?” Lovino asked when he realized the Matron had not been following him anymore. The busty woman shook her head and softly massaged her temples before she asked: 

“Did something happen with Mr. Carriedo?” 

“No”, Lovino promptly replied, too fast to be considered anything but a lie. 

“Did he touch you?” the Matron asked in a whisper. “Did he say something inappropriate?” 

Lovino shook his head no, and the Matron heaved out a sigh. 

“You look pale”, the Matron said. “I sure hope you are not getting down with the flu, not now when the master’s birthday is approaching”. 

“I’m fine”, Lovino reassured her, but it came out wrong. The Matron didn’t seem to mind his bad mood and started listing out loud all the things they had to do before the birthday party, as if she hadn’t asked him such silly questions. 

Lovino stopped listening to her after chore number three: polish all memorabilia the Carriedo family needed to show off to the guests. He already knew he wasn’t going to get a breath any time sooner than Sunday morning and he really couldn’t wait for the week to end. At chore number sixty-five Lovino was seriously considering cutting his own wrists. 

“Don’t get witty with me, young man”, the Matron scolded him, and Lovino realized that he had said his thoughts out loud. “I have no intention to clean after your dirty blood”. 

Lovino didn’t dignify her with an answer, and as she handed him all the necessary cleaning tools for the first dozen of chores, Lovino started fantasizing about what kind of people were going to attend the party. The news of Carriedo’s birthday came to Lovino as a surprise. Of course, everyone had a birthday to celebrate, but Lovino had never been to a party thrown just for the occasion. Back when his father was still alive, they used to wish happy birthday to Feliciano and seized the opportunity to remember their long lost mother too by going to church. Lovino had never had a birthday party of his own. In fact, he didn’t even know on what day he was born. His father forgot to tell him. 

As expected, the preparations for Carriedo’s birthday party were nothing less than utterly exhausting, but by Saturday morning, the ballroom’s floor was so clean that people could literally reflect themselves in it. The curtains had been changed, the room had been redecorated, the chandeliers sparkled, and freshly polished tables and chairs lined the walls, leaving enough room between them for dancing. Fortunately for him, Lovino hadn’t done everything on his own. Everybody had helped, and Nathan had even bothered to do the hardest chores the Matron had assigned to Lovino just to relieve him of some of the burden. The Matron had no idea just how much Nathan had helped Lovino out. 

Throughout the day the Matron was incredibly giddy and excited and barked out orders over and over again with much more vigor than usual. She reminded all slaves, maids and butlers that they were supposed to stay hidden during dinner. Serving should be done with discretion. Everyone younger than fifteen needed to just disappear from sight and continue helping backstage. This she said looking expectantly at Lovino, who tried hard not to stick his tongue out at her at the accusation. 

Lovino was sure he was going to hate that day as much as he had hated the whole week before it. Baking the cake, however, proved to be extremely fun, and to be able to eat a slice especially made for him was literally just the cherry on top. Lovino was shocked by the amount of wheat, eggs and bananas they used for it. Before he was sold as a slave in that mansion, he had no idea there was so much food in the world, and now it felt like a waste to throw so much of it into a silly cake, no matter how many layers it needed to have. 

“Seriously,” he complained, “who is going to eat all of that?”, to which Bella laughed wholeheartedly. 

“It’s not just for Mr. Carriedo, Lovino” she told him. 

“What about this ugly looking yellow fruit?” Lovino asked. “Are they really going to eat that many?”

“I told you it’s called a banana. Anyway, it’s the master’s favorite. We shouldn’t really shame him for it” Bella said with an amused smile on her face when Lovino reached out and grabbed a banana for himself. His lips were still dirty from the chocolate he had eaten before. 

“This guy is fucking cuckoo” Lovino commented. 

"And yet you like spending your time with him" she teased him. Lovino stilled and stared at her, gaping like a fish run ashore. 

"W-who told you that?" Lovino exclaimed, cheeks burning, and Bella grinned at him. 

"So it's true?" she asked. “You do like his company?” 

"Of course not!" Lovino declared. He violently grabbed the bowl from Bella’s hands and started whisking the eggs with much more vigor than strictly necessary. “I told you! The guy is bonkers! But for whatever reasons that ugly bitch leaves me alone when I’m with him, so I try to make the most of it”. 

“Makes sense” Bella agreed, but then a look of pure worry crossed her face and she touched Lovino’s shoulder, making him stop whatever torture he was subjecting the dough to. 

“Lovino, I want you to promise me something” she said. “If he ever starts acting weirdly with you, you need to report to me or Nathan immediately, alright? Don’t let him do anything to you. It doesn’t matter if he is your master”. 

“Yes, sure” he agreed, although he had no idea what he was agreeing to. Bella looked extremely relieved at this. 

“By the way”, Bella said suddenly cheerful again, “I never asked you when your birthday is”. 

Lovino’s eyes immediately fell on the bowl he was holding and handed it back to Bella without a word. The cook nudged him, and Lovino let out a pained sigh. 

“I don’t really know” he replied. “I must be ten or eleven already, but I don’t really celebrate my birthday. I just know a year has gone by and that’s that”. 

“Oh” Bella whispered putting a hand on Lovino’s shoulder. 

“It’s no big deal” he said pushing her hand away. He started wiping the kitchen counter clean with a cloth and turned his back to Bella’s sad eyes. “I know when my brother’s birthday is” he admitted after a long moment of silence. 

“When’s that?” 

"The 17th March." Lovino answered. 

"We should make that your birthday too!" Bella said, excited. "It's a wonderful idea! This way you can celebrate _and_ remember your brother at the same time! You'll always know that your brother is somewhere in this world, somehow celebrating with you! Isn't that beautiful? It's like you are connected!" 

"R-right… yeah…" Lovino mumbled, but he didn't look as enthusiastic as Bella did. 

All this talking about birthdays and parties had put Lovino in a very bad mood for the rest of the day, and that despite trying cake for the very first time in his life. He suddenly resented Carriedo for being very aware of the exact day he was born, while he was stuck with his brother’s as reference: a reminder he had never truly mattered enough. The resentment and jealousy reached its peak when the first guests arrived. 

It was no fair that he was stuck back in the kitchens while Carriedo and his friends ate and danced like there was no tomorrow in the ballroom above them. Lovino and the rest of the servants and slaves had helped a big deal and they deserved to be present, not be just shadows waiting to be summoned. Fuck them all, Lovino thought. I matter, he told himself. I am going upstairs and if my dirty presence is going to spoil the party, well, so be it.

Sneaking out of the kitchen when Bella was too occupied to pay any attention to him was child play to Lovino. He managed to avoid being seen, and in a matter of minutes he was running up the stairs and mixing in with Carriedo’s guests. 

The bright lights blinded him. Even though he had helped out in making the ballroom almost unrecognizable, Lovino couldn’t believe how different and luxurious it looked when all the tables were stuffed with food and drinks illuminated by the golden chandeliers above them. Women and men of all ages filled the room with pointless chatters, and the sound of forks clinking against porcelain made Lovino’s stomach grumble. The perfume some of the guests had put on was nauseating. People danced all around him, completely unaware of this little boy that looked so out of place, their minds clouded by the alcohol. 

Lovino couldn’t see the Matron anywhere, nor he could spot Carriedo in that mist of oddly dressed people. Somewhere on the farthest corner of the room an orchestra was playing a ballad, and Lovino recognized the man who had stolen his brother from him sitting in front of the piano. The orchestra suddenly hushed, and Roderich started playing a sonnet on his instrument by himself. 

It was then that Lovino saw the beautiful woman, who had accompanied Roderich that faithful day, stand up from her seat by her husband and accept another man’s offer for a dance. Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch in fascination as the two dancers moved in synch with Roderich’s music. 

Lovino stared at them too for a while, before he realized this was a good chance as any to inquire about Feliciano’s whereabouts. Filled with anger, Lovino stepped around the stunned guests and made a bee line to where Roderich was. 

“The fuck!” he screamed, when someone suddenly grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him violently away to the side. 

“Well, look what we have here!” 

Lovino’s heart stopped beating. He slowly turned around to look at his captor directly in the eyes, and gulped when the tall, blond man holding him tight smirked at him. 

“So,” the man started, his accent thick but not unpleasant to the ear, “who invited you here, young boy?” 

Not liking the way the stranger was checking him out, Lovino started struggling to get free and shouted: “Let me go, you bastard! _Carriedo_! Carriedo, save me, you fucking piece of shit!”

“Uh-huh…” the man mumbled, as if Lovino’s cry for Carriedo’s help had answered all of his questions. 

“What’s going on, Francis?” another man asked right then approaching them, and Lovino suddenly stilled in fear. He looked up at the man’s red eyes and white hair, and although the man seemed much more focused on the dance happening some feet away from there than Lovino’s unusual presence, Lovino couldn’t help feeling judged by him. 

“An intruder, Gilbert” Francis said, and finally the man tore his eyes away from the dance to fully concentrate on Lovino’s tiny figure. “It must be the boy Antonio talked to us about” he added, and Gilbert’s white eyebrows shot up. 

“Oh” he whispered, tilting his head to the side. “Oh” he repeated immediately after with a knowing smirk. “Antonio’s new maid?” 

“Fuck you, you monster” Lovino swore shoving Francis’ hands away but getting nowhere. “F-fuck you,” he stuttered, “I am no one’s maid!” 

“Feisty one, isn’t he?” Francis asked, laughing, and Gilbert shrugged. 

“That’s the way Antonio likes them apparently” Gilbert retorted. 

“Let me go!” Lovino shouted, “I- I need to g-go back to the kitchens!” he tried again, almost pleading. Francis, however, just grasped his arm tighter. 

“Don’t be in such a hurry, lad!” Francis exclaimed. “I thought you wanted to join the party”. 

“Let him go, Francis, or Antonio is going to be pissed at you” Gilbert reasoned. “Don’t you see he’s scared shitless?” 

“I- I am not scared of two pussies like you!” Lovino shouted, which made Gilbert gag and Francis’ laugh even louder, getting the attention of two ladies standing a little farther away from them. 

“If you weren’t cute, I would have already cut that dirty tongue of yours” Gilbert said, his lips curling up. Lovino raised his tiny fists at him and narrowed his eyes. 

“I would l-like to see you t-try!” 

Francis suddenly kneeled down to get to Lovino’s eyes level, finally releasing his hold on Lovino’s arm. The young boy almost lost his balance at the sudden movement, and Gilbert laughed derisively besides them. Lovino’s eyes filled with unshed tears, and his heart skipped a beat when he came face to face with Francis’ lecherous smile. 

“Stop it right now, Francis” Carriedo’s voice sounded behind them, and Francis shot up on his feet again. Lovino moved slightly to the side to see Antonio watching the three of them with a contained expression on his face, as if he had just gulped down a whole rotten lemon. Antonio sounded too calm even to Lovino’s ears, but it was apparent that he didn’t like what he had just witnessed. 

Lovino was screwed. If he told the Matron that he had sneaked in into the party, he was going to be whipped to death by her own hands. 

“We were just playing with him” Francis said, hiding his arms behind his back like an innocent child. “No harm in that”. 

Antonio narrowed his eyes at him. 

“Oh, come on, Antonio,” Francis laughed nervously, “you play with him all the time” he added, emphasizing the verb with a wiggle of his eyebrows. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about”. 

“Everybody knows, Antonio, so stop pretending” Gilbert piped in with an irritated sigh. 

“Is he that good?” Francis asked suddenly. 

Antonio remained silent and just stepped around Francis to get closer to Lovino, who flinched at the other’s soft touch on his shoulder. 

“He must dirty talk a lot” Francis said, giggling, while Antonio gently pulled Lovino away from his two friends. “His mouth and his cuteness are a very interesting combination” he commented. 

“Whatever you say, Francis” Gilbert said, his eyes reverting to Roderich, who had just stopped playing and had stood up to take the hand of the beautiful green eyed woman by his side. “The other one is much cuter”. 

“Oh, yes” Francis immediately agreed. “Roderich’s new maid is by far much more lovable” 

Lovino stilled. Roderich’s new maid? Were they talking by any chance of Feliciano?

“Feliciano?” he asked, eyes wide, and shoved Carriedo away to grab Francis’ sleeve. “You know him? Is he doing fine? Did you fucking hurt him, you maniacs?” he shouted at the top of his voice. No one that wasn’t in their immediate proximity heard them, as the orchestra started playing loudly again. Francis clicked his tongue and tore his arm away from Lovino’s hold, while Carriedo took him by the shoulder and firmly pushed him away towards the entrance doors. 

“Anyway, Antonio,” Francis shouted after them, “be sure to lend him to me sometimes! You know I approve your taste in men”. 

Gilbert snickered besides his friend, but Antonio didn’t pay them any attention and kept walking steadily towards the exit. Lovino immediately forgot about his encounter with Carriedo’s friend and started making conjectures on what it was going to happen to him next. 

Don’t tell the Matron, Lovino prayed in his head looking up at Carriedo’s stern face. Don’t even scream at me, I won’t handle it, he thought immediately after. But Carriedo did nothing of the sort. 

As soon as the ballroom’s doors were closed behind them, Carriedo let out a sigh of relief and kneeled down to Lovino’s eye level. 

“That was close, right?” Carriedo asked with a wide smile. “I am happy you wanted to join the party, but you should have informed me first. If the Matron finds out you sneaked in, she is going to be pissed”. 

Lovino pouted his cheeks and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“I didn’t want to fucking sneak in, Mr. Carriedo,” he declared, “I just got lost, that’s all”. 

“I told you to call me Antonio”. 

“I am not going to do that” Lovino said facing Carriedo head on. Carriedo’s smile faltered, but it was back on his face a second later, making Lovino think he had just imagined it. 

“By the way,” Antonio said searching something in his pockets and taking out a small bag a moment later, “this is one of my birthday’s presents. It was meant more as a joke than anything else, but now that I think about it, it’s not that bad. I’m sure you will like it”. 

“What it is?” Lovino asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, when Carriedo handed him the small linen bag. Lovino played it around in his hands and felt some soft seeds prickle at his fingers from under the cloth. 

“These are tomato seeds” Carriedo said. “We don’t grow them here, but I tasted this fruit once and I loved it”. 

“Oh,” Lovino said, “cool”. 

“You have no idea what a tomato is, do you?” 

“Nope” Lovino said popping the last syllable of the word. Carriedo laughed. 

“I know you love staying in the back garden, so these,” Carriedo said putting his hands around Lovino’s closed ones, “will be your good reason why you _need_ to keep staying there without the Matron hovering over you”. 

Lovino immediately took the hint. 

“But this is supposed to be your birthday, not mine” Lovino said, blushing slightly when Carriedo moved his hands away. 

“You say the cutest things, Lovino” Antonio said, chuckling to himself and standing upright. “Now go back to Bella before the Matron sees you here”. 

Lovino shrugged and put the little bag away. 

“Whatever” he mumbled. “T-thank you… I guess… Antonio” he added in a tiny whisper and ran away back to the kitchens with his head hung low. 


	5. Chapter 5

### Chapter Five

At first Lovino thought he could just throw the bag of tomato seeds away and say he didn’t manage to grow the plant at all. Antonio would never know and he might be even happy that Lovino tried to do something for him on his own free will. Ignorance is bliss, as Nathan used to say. On the other hand, the Matron must have been instructed not to bother Lovino while he worked in the back garden and she would therefore notice if the earth had not been ploughed at least once. She wasn’t as stupid as his master was, so Lovino doubted the Matron could be fooled easily. 

Lovino decided to give it a try in the end, and not because he was curious to see what a tomato really was. His father had been a farmer, and to do something his old pa used to love was enough of an incentive. 

Ploughing the earth and taking care of his own crop was no easy task, and Nathan immediately made it his responsibility to help Lovino out. Together they sowed the tomato seeds, and Nathan taught him the names of every gardening tool the boy needed to use when the first sprouts would pop up. Lovino started to distinguish between good soil and bad soil, between the one that had enough proprieties to provide the plants with everything they needed for and the one that did not. In a matter of weeks, Lovino learnt why cucumbers needed a lot of water while myrtles did not, and how to recognize an orange tree from a bitter orange one, the fruits of which were too sour to just be plucked out and eaten. 

No matter how much Lovino tended to his little tomato plants, however, for the first couple of months they just didn’t want to come up from the earth Lovino had prepared for them. As if tomatoes hated the sun, the little sprouts remained close to their Mother Earth and seemed in no haste to grow. 

"It's probably too early," Nathan assured him. "I’ve heard that the tomato is a summer fruit or something, so you’ll just have to be patient”. 

And so Lovino patiently waited. In the meantime Lovino decided to help Nathan with the other plants in the back garden, so he could justify the little time he spared for the housework the Matron expected him to do. Lovino gladly helped Bella in the kitchen, and just to do something that was not work, he continued attending Antonio’s guitar lessons as well. In this way Lovino managed to see the Matron for just an hour every day, which was quite a feat in itself. 

Antonio was on cloud nine was Lovino knocked on his door some days after his birthday party. It was clear that he didn’t expect Lovino to continue with his guitar lessons, and smiled brightly every time Lovino dropped by. During those few hours together, Antonio talked to Lovino about his family, about his cousin that seemed to hate his guts, about his friends and how they ended up being friends. Lovino didn’t really pay any attention to him, but he couldn’t deny how Antonio’s laughter, whenever Lovino commented on something he had said, made him feel weird in the stomach. 

Time flew by, and Lovino’s second summer in the mansion arrived, bringing the first tomato plants with it. At first Lovino took them for weed, but then, just as suddenly as they appeared, the stems grew up tall, big green leaves rolled up and little yellow flowers bloomed all together, impregnating the air with their unusual scent. When that happened, Lovino suddenly realized it had all been his doing. 

He had worked hard for this, and now Lovino could see the fruits of his labor. For the first time in his life, Lovino had actually achieved something. The plants kept growing, and Lovino decided to hold them still in place by plucking some sticks in the earth and carefully tying them up with the stems. Whenever Lovino touched the tomato plant’s leaves, a peculiar smell stuck to his fingers for hours, but he soon grew fond of it. 

One day the little yellow flowers gave way to little green round fruits. Lovino immediately ran to Nathan to inform him about it, too excited to talk properly. He jumped up and down in his spot as he yanked Nathan’s shirt to get his attention. 

"Are they ready?" he asked showing Nathan the little fruits. 

"Tomatoes are red," Nathan said, laconically. 

"Does that mean they are not ready? Fuck”. 

Lovino didn’t need to wait long, however, and when one day he went to check on his little crop, he discovered that all fruits had turned juicy red. Maybe it was still too early to harvest them, but Lovino thought that trying one would not hurt anyway. He plucked one red tomato and bit into it, feeling the juice fall on his hands and shirt. 

It was indescribably delicious. 

It looked completely stupid, sure, not as regal as a huge watermelon, but it was just as tasty, if not more. Lovino grabbed another one and ran to the log house to show it to Nathan. 

“Look! Look!” he shouted. “A tomato! A tomato!” 

Before Nathan could reply, Lovino ran inside the mansion again and stormed into the kitchens. 

“Bella! Look! A tomato!” he shouted and ran away again, up the stairs to Antonio’s study room. Lovino literally slammed the door open, startling Antonio from his seat by the window, and raised the vegetable, fruit, whatever it was up in the air like a trophy. 

“Look! A tomato!” Lovino shouted. His clothes were dirty with mud and tomato juice, and he wasn’t wearing any shoes –which would make the Matron incredibly mad if he saw him- but Lovino didn’t care less. Neither did Antonio: the older man put the book he had been reading down by the windowsill and walked over to Lovino, intrigued. 

“This is a tomato, right?” Lovino asked, suddenly unsure as Antonio kneeled down and gently took the tomato from Lovino’s hands. Antonio smiled and under Lovino’s hopeful gaze bit right into it. 

"Oh, my God!” Antonio exclaimed, closing his eyes in appreciation, and a grin slowly grew on Lovino’s lips. It was official: the tomato was going to be his favorite fruit in the whole world. Antonio could keep his stupid bananas; Lovino would take over the tomato industry. 

In the days that followed, Lovino came up with ideas on how to use it. In the beginning Lovino thought tomatoes could only be eaten raw, with some salt and oil to enhance their flavor. One day, however, he decided to cook it. He fried one, boiled it, mixed it with other herbs, and ended up with the best way to turn the fruit into sauce and use it as a condiment. Pasta and tomatoes were meant for each other, but tomatoes were perfect with bread and fried eggs too. Tomatoes were so versatile Lovino fell in love with cooking. The best of all was that Antonio congratulated him every time Lovino sent something he had cooked upstairs to him. 

The Matron didn’t seem to care much for his recipes, but Lovino was happy as long as Bella, Nathan and Antonio liked what he came up with. Moreover, he now could avoid cleaning, dusting and polishing whenever he wished to. He was in charge of tomatoes. He needed to help Nathan and Bella out, no time for sweeping the floors, at least not as much as the Matron wished him to. 

Soon enough his little tomato field doubled in width and became much bigger. By the end of summer the view to the eastern wall was completely blocked by tomato plants. Downstairs in the cellar, rows and rows of tomato paste and tomato sauce jars awaited for the winter, and Lovino was flattered when one day he overheard the Matron say to one of the servants that it was a good thing Lovino had come up with something constructive to do with his time, something that the whole mansion could benefit from. 

Winter came and left, and one day Bella woke Lovino up and wished him happy birthday. Lovino stared at her as if she had grown a second head, wondering where did she get the idea of him having a birthdate, when he suddenly remembered the conversation he had with Bella a year before. She had taken note of the years going by, and if her calculations were correct, Bella was excited to inform him he was officially thirteen years old. 

“Do you feel any different?” 

Lovino did not. 

“Didn’t you notice how much you’ve grown these past months?” Bella asked him. “You’re getting tall! Look! We are almost the same height. You were much smaller when you first came here”. 

Indeed, Lovino’s old clothes didn’t fit him much anymore, but he blamed the signs of wear and not his height for it. After all, Nathan and Antonio were still taller than him. 

“Lovino, Nathan is giant,” Bella said, shaking her head in amusement and rolling her sleeves to start mixing the ingredients for his birthday present: her very special chocolate waffles. Lovino didn’t comment on the fact she had not said anything about Antonio. Maybe Lovino would never tower over Nathan, but maybe one day he will look down on Antonio, and that thought considerably improved his mood after being woken up so early.

What made him even happier, though, was that the Matron started being less commanding than she used to be. She didn’t raise her voice against him anymore, as if she were afraid of what Lovino would do if she dared. Maybe the Matron had started feeling intimidated by him. After all, Lovino was eating normally again and was not as skinny as he used to be. Months working in his little tomato field and in the back garden had shaped his body nicely too. Plus, he was getting taller. Maybe he _was_ intimidating. 

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Nathan joked. 

“Oh, what do _you_ know?” Lovino spat, crossing his arms over his chest. “You are a giant!” 

“A giant?” Nathan repeated, taken aback, and burst out laughing at the way Lovino pouted. 

The major change in the mansion, however, was not the tomatoes in the back garden or Lovino getting older, but Antonio turning twenty a month before Lovino’s thirteen birthday. Antonio was now an adult and officially held the reins of the mansion. He was now completely in charge of everything that happened in his house and in the fields around it: something the Matron used to do in his place. The Matron was demoted to a simple housekeeper. She had power all over them still but it was Antonio who had the last say in everything she decided. It didn’t matter if the Matron wanted someone out of the house. If Antonio didn’t allow it, whoever had crossed the Matron stayed all the same. The Matron was the eyes and the ears of the mansion, but not the head anymore. 

Mr. Cricket was not needed anymore too. He had taught everything Antonio needed, and with a wave of his hand and a tip of his hat, the strange old man walked out of the mansion, never to be seen again.

Antonio was now accountable of all his formal documents, the records of entry and exits, and the income and outcome assessment forms. Lovino, so used to see Antonio and Mr. Cricket scribbling nonsense on the blackboard every afternoon, suddenly found Antonio alone in his studio, surrounded by stacks of paper and receiving visitors at any hour of the day.

Most of said visitors were people Lovino had already had the displeasure of meeting, like Antonio's friends, Gilbert and Francis, but most often than not they were complete strangers. Whatever the case, due to Antonio’s business meetings, Lovino was not allowed to drop by his master’s studio anymore, and his guitar lessons were abruptly discontinued. The Matron took this opportunity and assigned Lovino with tons of housework, especially when there was no reason for Lovino to hang out with Nathan in the back garden. 

The strangest visitor came into the mansion while Lovino was muttering obscenities at the floor he was supposed to be scrubbing. The man snickered when he saw him on all fours, and Lovino almost had a heart attack when he raised his eyes to meet the visitor’s masked ones. He was a big, tall guy, exotically dressed and with a mask covering half of his face, which gave the stranger quite the scary look. The two of them stared at each other for a long, silent moment, and when the masked man’s lips quivered upwards in a terrifying grin, Lovino dropped brush and soap and ran in the other direction. 

The Matron caught him when he was turning the corner; she grabbed him by the ear and dragged him back to his place. Fortunately, the guy was now safely inside Antonio’s studio, and Lovino could continue his task with no fear. 

"He is Sadik Adnan," Bella informed him later in the evening. "He owns hectares and hectares of land on the other side of the sea and he is one of the most powerful men in the world, just as powerful as Carriedo is actually". 

"What about the mask?" Lovino asked. 

"They say he has some awful scars around his eyes, but I think he is just a good looking guy who puts that thing on to scare people off". 

“Good looking guys don’t do that. Dicks do,” Lovino commented. 

When Lovino caught Sadik sitting outside of Antonio's room without his mask on the following day, he had to hand it to Bella. Sadik’s eyes were perfectly fine and there were no scars whatsoever on his face. However, as soon as Sadik noticed him, his eyes bore into him in a way that was much scarier than when he had stared at him with his mask on. Lovino froze. Sadik leaned on one of his hands and stared at him, cocking his head to the side, curious. 

"You are Antonio's personal little servant, aren’t you?" he asked, but Lovino just stared at him in defiance. Sadik grinned: "Lovino, isn't that right?" he slurred, amused, when Lovino kept silent. 

Lovino’s breath hitched. There was no way Sadik had guessed his name right unless Antonio had talked about Lovino to him. 

“Sadik?” Antonio asked right in that moment, opening the door to his room to let the other in. Sadik stood up from his chair and smiled at Lovino politely, as if Lovino were just another businessman waiting in line. Antonio noticed the exchange of looks, and his lips twitched in displeasure. “Come in,” he ordered icily, and Sadik shrugged nonchalantly, shooting a meaningful look at Lovino standing still in the hallway. The door closed again a moment later, and Lovino let out a sigh of relief when he found himself alone again.

Driven by curiosity, Lovino pressed his ear against the door to hear what the two men behind it were saying. It was an impossible task: the door was sturdy against eavesdroppers and the only thing Lovino managed to catch were just snippets of conversation that made no sense whatsoever. Lovino gave up and decided to return back to the kitchens. He was already climbing down the stairs, when, suddenly, Antonio started shouting, his voice loud and clear despite the soundproof walls. Lovino turned around, startled.

Lovino had never thought Antonio could get angry. Antonio's heated voice was terrifying, and Lovino wondered what exactly had pushed the usually calm Antonio over the edge. Intrigued by the sudden tension in the air, Lovino swiftly returned back the way he came and pressed his ears against the door again. 

"I'll never agree to this!" and "Forget it!" and "Fuck you, I'll never-!"and lastly "I don't need-!"

The sound of glass breaking made Lovino jump back in fear, but before he could make up his mind and decide whether to keep listening or leave, he heard Sadik clearly say: 

"FINE! You are the one losing this battle, Carriedo. Your father would be so proud of you for giving up a fortune and your good name just because you can't let go of something so unimportant".

Angry steps, then someone yanked the handle hard. Lovino took them as his clue to leave. He hid behind the big Chinese vase in the hallway and watched fascinated as Sakid pulled the door open and marched outside. Antonio was right behind him, fuming. Sadik, by contrast, looked perfectly at ease and put his mask on as someone would do with a hat or a coat before taking their leave. 

"Fuck you," Antonio whispered when Sadik disappeared down the hallway. "Fuck everything. I did the right thing," he mumbled. Antonio had tightened his hands into fists, and his face was red with anger. Lovino watched petrified as Antonio stormed back inside his room and slammed the door close. 

Lovino didn’t tell anyone what he had witnessed, and for the rest of the day he helped Bella out with dinner as if nothing was the matter. Nevertheless, it was impossible for him to concentrate on any task. Sadik’s words and Antonio’s anger made Lovino feel dizzy. He wanted to know what exactly had happened. What could have triggered such a reaction from Antonio? The guy was so clueless he didn’t get mad even when Lovino hurled insults at him. 

Antonio was a cheerful man, Lovino couldn’t see him in any other way. But now, now he couldn’t help but think how terrifying Antonio looked when angry. Terrifying and handsome. 

“Lovino Vargas?” he called himself out loud. “You just placed first in the fool’s marathon”. 

*** 

Antonio didn’t leave his room for two days after his fight with Sadik Adnan, and Lovino had never seen the Matron look so worried because of it. He followed her around as she paced back and forth in front of Antonio’s door; he stared at her with eyes wide with shock as she knocked, asked Antonio in a strangely soft voice if he was okay, opened the door, disappeared from Lovino’s view for a couple of minutes and returned back in the hallway, disappointed. Lovino never dared ask her what was wrong. 

“It’s business,” Bella told him. “He is a businessman, son of businessmen, and all they think about since they are born are money and power. Sometimes they lose and sometimes they win, and sometimes even the most incredible offers turn out to be unacceptable for them. Mr. Adnan must have proposed something of that kind, and the master just flipped”. 

“Do people like Carriedo just flip?” Lovino asked, unconvinced. 

“Sane people do, Lovino,” Bella said. “Not many people can be happy all the time”. 

“But he was mad!” Lovino reasoned. “And he doesn’t want to leave his room”. 

“Give him time,” Bella said. “Maybe he just needs someone to cheer him up. He doesn’t have a lot of friends after all”.

Lovino wanted to tell her he actually did, and they were all weirdos. Nevertheless, Bella's words had struck a chord and Lovino wondered if the only thing that Antonio really needed was someone to cheer him up indeed. Lovino knew that the only thing that made the idiot happy was playing his guitar, so he decided to sneak into Antonio's studio, secretly take the instrument and leave it in front of his room’s door as a gift. Antonio would find it in the morning and he would be happy again. Simply as that. 

Lovino supposed it would be better for everyone if Antonio stopped sulking as soon as possible and decided to act on his plan that very same evening. When he opened the door to the studio, though, Lovino realized he had come too late. 

Antonio was inside, gulping something down from a bottle. He looked a mess: it was clear that something was eating him up from the inside, and the room just reflected Antonio’s state of mind. There was broken glass all over the floor and everything reeked of alcohol. 

It would be better if Lovino just left, but when he took a step backwards, the wooden floor creaked, alerting Antonio of his presence. Lovino squeaked when Antonio suddenly turned to look at him, his eyes glazed over, head wobbling. 

"Oh, Lovino," he greeting, slurring his words. "Come on in!”

The tone was commanding, desperate even. Lovino glanced over his shoulder into the hall to see if the Matron was lurking there somewhere, but he was completely alone. Alone with Antonio. Lovino hoped for the better and stepped into the room, his heart racing as he did so. Antonio waited for him and put the bottle away. It fell on the floor with an empty clang.

"Antonio?" Lovino asked unsure. Antonio stood up and walked unsteadily over to him. 

"S-Sadik is a bastard," Lovino said, making up his mind. "You… well… you… shouldn't…" 

"You care," Antonio said, grinning, fell on his knees and pressed Lovino to his chest. Lovino tried to break free but it was futile: Antonio was much stronger. The smell of alcohol made Lovino gag, and he tried to push his master away from him. 

"I don't fucking care," Lovino declared. "Come on, you are drunk. Get off me. I just wanted to take something from here and-!"

"Do you know what Sadik wanted?" Antonio interrupted him, whispering the words directly into his ear. Lovino felt a shiver ran down his spine. "I bought something from him, but he didn’t want money for it. No, he wanted you".

"M-me?" Lovino stuttered. He suddenly felt very sick. Antonio pulled him even closer; his hands darted down along Lovino's backbone.

"Yes…" Antonio slurred. Lovino wanted to run away. He didn't recognize this Antonio and it was starting to frighten him. "You,” he repeated, angry.

Lovino’s eyes widened when Antonio suddenly pulled his shirt up and massaged the skin on Lovino’s lower back. Lovino abruptly shoved Antonio away, but the older man just grabbed him by the arm and held him in place. 

"But you are mine," Antonio declared. 

"L-let me go…" Lovino whimpered and tried to break free. He was petrified. He knew where this was going. Antonio's hand sneaked under his shirt again. Lovino wanted to scream, but no sound came out.

"You're mine," Antonio repeated.

"L-let me go!" Lovino screamed, and punched Antonio directly on the face with his free hand. The punch wasn't strong, but it was hard enough to bring Antonio out of his alcohol induced haze. Lovino’s ears were buzzing, his heart was galloping against his ribs, and he wanted nothing more than fall on his knees and puke. The Matron's words suddenly made sense. All the looks, Bella’s warning, Sadik's fascination with him, Francis and Gilbert teasing him... 

He had been so stupid.

"Go away," Antonio suddenly whispered shooting up and taking a big step backwards. Lovino turned to look at him in shock and watched Antonio pick up the empty bottle he had previously dropped on the floor.

"I-I…" Lovino tried to say.

"Go away!" Antonio shouted, and Lovino ran away as fast as his legs could carry him.


	6. Chapter 6

###  Chapter Six 

"What is going on, Lovino?" Bella asked and pulled the covers away for Lovino’s face, again. The boy’s fingers clutched the fabric so tightly Bella swore she heard something rip. 

“No!” Lovino shouted, pulled the covers back up, buried his face in his hard pillow and swatted Bella’s hands away. This had been going on since sunrise, and Bella was starting to get really worried. Maybe it was her fault; after all, she had indulged him and had fulfilled Lovino’s every wish despite the Matron’s orders. 

That morning Bella had woken up at the same time as always. She had heard Lovino stir besides her and was surprised when he did not get up from bed as he usually did. Bella had let him be. She dressed, put her apron on and stepped into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Lovino had not followed her outside. In fact, when Bella came back to check on him, he had fallen asleep again. 

She shook him awake. Lovino groaned. She let him sleep ten minutes more. Lovino didn’t want to leave the bed. Bella shook him awake again. Lovino started swearing as the morning light flooded their tiny room. Ten minutes later, Lovino was still in bed, and Bella heard the tell-tale sound of footsteps marching above her head. The Matron was up, and breakfast was not ready yet.

“Wake up,” Bella had gently said. In the following hour, Bella repeated the same sentence at least fifteen times. 

“No!” Lovino shouted again. 

"You have to come down to the kitchen! _Right now_! Now that the master is finally out of his room, you can't stay in bed all day long!" Bella exclaimed, trying to sound more commanding. 

"Why not?" Lovino spat, bitter, and pulled the covers up over his head once again. 

"Get up. Right now, Lovino," Nathan ordered, and Lovino peeked from under the covers at the older man. Seeing no other choice, Bella had resorted to asking Nathan for help, and it was clear Lovino was not happy about it. 

"I don’t want to get the fuck up," Lovino said, inflexible. "As long as that bastard lives, I'm going to stay here!" 

Nathan and Bella exchanged worried looks. Bella crossed her arms over her chest, unsure of what to do, and Nathan put a reassuring hand on her shoulder before crouching down to Lovino’s eye level. 

"Did something happen yesterday?" he whispered, but Lovino remained silent, hiding his face from Nathan’s prying eyes. He bit his lips hard to stop himself from crying and breathed in softly and deeply through his nose. When Lovino felt his bed creak under Bella’s weight, he shook his head no to reassure her that indeed, everything was fine. 

"If something happened, you can tell us," Bella said, caressing Lovino’s head from above the sheets. 

"Nothing fucking happened," Lovino declared. "N-nothing! I _just_ want to stay here. Forever. End of story". 

Nathan sighed, and Lovino felt Bella stand up from his bed. She shot him another worried look and then walked away, back to the kitchen, where the tea kettle was angrily whistling. Nathan remained standing where he was, and Lovino finally uncovered his head. They looked at each other in silence while Nathan reached for the inside pocket of his gilet and took a cigarette and a matchbox out. Lovino watched fascinated the stick dangle from the man’s lips as he lit it. 

"Bella is worried sick about you," Nathan said, taking a drag. 

"I-I don't care," Lovino stated, unconvincing. Nathan sighed. The smell of smoke filled the room, and Lovino coughed slightly. 

"I am too," Nathan said, waving his hand about, as if to disperse the smoke. He took another drag and exhaled the smoke directly out of the small window. 

"I…" Lovino trailed off, bit his lips, and slowly dragged himself up in a sitting position. "Just for the record. Nothing fucking happened," he whispered, eyes fixed on the floor. 

"I believe you," Nathan said, although it was clear he did not. 

"Nothing at all," Lovino whispered back, noticing how pale his knuckles were. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. It was difficult. Antonio walking drunkenly towards him, Antonio’s fingers on his body, the anger in those green eyes… Lovino couldn’t stop thinking about it. The images replayed in his head over and over again, and Lovino shuddered against his will. He didn't know what was worse: the fact Antonio had tried to touch him, the fact that Antonio had smiled to him when he did so, or the fact Antonio ordered him to go away when he realized what he was doing. Lovino was sure of just one thing: he didn't want to experience that ever again. He wanted to stay by Bella’s side and not leave the kitchen until Antonio was declared dead. 

But Lovino couldn’t do that, could he? 

Sooner or later, the Matron would order him to go upstairs and Lovino would be forced to see his master. He was just a slave, after all. No better off than a simple servant. Lovino could not escape. Antonio had every right to ask for him, and if he wanted something from Lovino, Lovino _had_ to oblige him. 

Lovino chocked back the tears. Was Feliciano doing better than him? Did he find himself in a similar situation as Lovino did? Lovino wished Feliciano did. But then again he hoped not. He prayed for Feliciano to be well. Feliciano wasn't the strongest one of the two; there was no way Feliciano would survive the pressure, the humiliation, the abuse... no, please God. Feliciano needs to remain sane for both of them. 

"The Matron had been asking for you since morning," Nathan said, pushing Lovino out of his thoughts. Lovino dried his wet cheeks with the back of his hands and turned to look at Nathan with disgust. 

"I don't give a damn," Lovino said, his voice breaking just the slightest. Nathan shook his head and then stomped on his unfinished cigarette. 

"You are going to get in serious trouble, you know that, right?" 

Yes, he knew. Lovino actually wanted to. If the Matron scolded him and whipped him to unconsciousness for his disobedience, he would have a whole day to himself in bed, away from Antonio. He would be hurting all over, he would bleed, cough his intestines out, but it was going to be worth it. 

"She is going to come down any minute now," Nathan added. “You better be ready”. 

"I don't fucking care. Let that bitch come!" Lovino suddenly exclaimed. As if the Matron had been waiting for him to say just that, Lovino and Nathan heard the sound of her heels climbing down the stairs. 

"Where is that boy?" the Matron shouted. "I’ve been calling for him all morning! Where is he?" she pried. 

"He’s in our room," Nathan and Lovino heard Bella say. "He is going to be with you in a moment. You don’t need to-!” 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” the Matron exclaimed and suddenly appeared in the doorway. 

When the Matron saw Nathan standing in the middle of the room, her eyes flashed with indignation. 

"You are not supposed to be here!" the Matron exclaimed. "Go back to work. Chop-chop!" she ordered clapping her hands and stepping farther in. 

"Yes, miss," Nathan conceded but stood still in his place, probably trying to hide the cigarette under his shoe. The Matron gave an exasperated sigh and turned her attention to Lovino. 

"You lazy little tyke!" she cried, grabbed his arms and yanked him out of bed. Lovino shouted out in protest and tried to shake her off, but her response was to just dig her nails deeper into Lovino’s skin. "Up! Up!" she ordered, totally ignoring Lovino’s pain. The boy yelled, tried to bit her hands, scratched her and kicked her but the Matron was unmovable. Finally, Lovino stopped struggling, and the Matron dragged him away across the kitchen and up the stairs without difficulty. 

"You must clean the master’s studio today!" the Matron commanded, unaffected by Lovino’s unusual silence. "There was an accident yesterday, and most things in the room are…” she hesitated, “… well, they are broken. I want everything back as it used to be, and you have been in the master’s studio so many times that I’m sure you won’t have any trouble putting everything back in its right place”. 

"I don't want, you bitch! Leave me the fuck alone!" Lovino suddenly shouted. The Matron’s breath hitched, but she continued walking as if she hadn't heard him. When Lovino spit in her face, however, the Matron finally reacted and whacked him upside the head with her free hand. 

“You’ll do as I say. Is that clear?” the Matron shouted in anger. Lovino hung his head low. He kept walking, feeling like a puppet following the puppeteer, and when they stopped in front of Antonio’s study room, Lovino’s strings were cut off and he abruptly fell on his knees. The Matron yanked him back up. 

Lovino wanted to fall on the floor again, as if something was indeed holding him down. He could hear the blood passing through his ears. The Matron said something but he couldn’t hear it. He was drowning. His vision narrowed. Breath in. Out.

The Matron opened the door, and Lovino peeked inside, gasping at the sight that waited for him. A hurricane had torn through Antonio’s room: there was broken glass all over the floor, the shelves were empty, the books lied ripped off next to half empty bottles of alcohol, and there, right next to the old chalkboard, Lovino spotted Antonio cradling half of his treasured guitar. 

Lovino’s eyes focused on the man sitting quietly in the corner, his face unreadable. When the floor creaked as the Matron stepped inside the room, Antonio’s snapped immediately to attention, and Lovino involuntarily took a step back. He pictured Antonio making some kind of remark about what had happened yesterday. Maybe he would even comment on how unfortunate it was that they haven’t finished what they had started. Lovino waited. Antonio just stared at him. 

Suddenly, Antonio smiled shyly, and Lovino’s ears popped. 

“I don’t know what happened yesterday,” Antonio explained, laughing to cover his embarrassment. “I must have left the window open and the strong wing turned the room upside down. Funny, right?” 

Lovino blinked at him and then looked up at the Matron, who didn't look all that surprised. It was in that moment that Lovino realized that she had finally let him go. 

“The sad thing is,” Antonio was saying, “that my guitar is now broken too. Maybe I stepped on it by mistake. I loved that instrument…” 

Was Antonio mad? Had he really forgotten what Lovino had to go through the evening before? 

"I already called the best luthier in town to bring you a new one," the Matron said. "Now, if you excuse us, the boy needs to clean the mess". 

“Oh, yes. Of course,” Antonio said, putting his broken guitar down on the couch. “You don’t mind to be left alone, don’t you?” he asked talking to Lovino and flashed him a bright smile. 

Lovino stared at him, disbelieving, and Antonio’s smile faltered. 

Understanding hit Lovino with a jolt: Antonio had not forgotten at all. He just decided to pretend that nothing had happened. It was just a feeling, but Lovino knew it to be true. Antonio’s eyes stirred a mix of conflicting emotions within him. Confusion, relief, sadness, embarrassment, but most of all, anger. Lovino was furious. Was this how Antonio wanted to play this game? Just who did he think he was? Lovino had feelings too! He wasn’t a picture on the wall. He couldn’t laugh it off. Antonio could almost molest him and get away with this, he could pretend that nothing happened, but Lovino could not. Why was Antonio so sure that Lovino would remain silent? Did he expect Lovino to take things as they came and go back to his life? The bastard. The fucking bastard. 

"No, I don't," Lovino replied through gritted teeth. Antonio walked towards him and when he raised his hand to touch his head, Lovino moved abruptly aside. Without another word, he grabbed the cleaning tools the Matron had set for him and waited for the adults to leave. When the doors closed, Lovino made sure to break everything that had remained standing after Antonio’s rampage. 

When the Matron came back to check on him an hour later, she almost fainted from shock. Lovino welcomed the beating with open arms. His blood stained the white walls of the room, and Lovino smirked at the red spots when the Matron was done with him. 

On the following day the Matron ordered him to clean the main hall. Lovino crashed all of Carriedo’s precious vases instead. The Matron beat him up again. 

The next the Matron ordered him to clean the windows. He intentionally shattered one right in front of the Matron’s eyes, and she grabbed his wrist so forcefully it sprained. 

Whenever he encountered Antonio smiling naively at him, Lovino’s determination grew just a little bit stronger. He cleaned and broke. Cleaned and broke, and was beaten for it time and time again. Lovino wanted to raze the mansion. If he could, he would even set fire on it. Burn it down. 

One day the Matron ordered to lock Lovino up in an empty pantry. He remained alone in that cold, asphyxiating place without anything to drink or eat for three days. When the Matron finally let him out and ordered him to go dust the ballroom’s chandeliers, Lovino managed to tear off the crystal beads in bunches. 

It was the day the Matron gave up. 

Lovino was finally left alone to help Bella out in the kitchen, and Lovino neither heard nor saw the Matron or Antonio for a whole week. It was the most amazing week in his life since the day he first stepped inside Carriedo’s mansion, especially because his sleep was never disturbed by bad dreams. But all good things must come to an end, and one morning, Lovino was woken up by the sound of Bella crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, worried. Bella dried the tears on her face with a dirty handkerchief and asked him to dress, because the Matron was waiting outside for him. Lovino was confused, but when the Matron stormed into their room with a satisfied grin on her ugly face, Lovino realized that things didn’t look that well for him. 

Bella was ordered to stay behind, and Lovino could do nothing but follow the Matron away to the main hall. The Matron didn’t give him the chance to talk with Bella or ask for any explanation. She just pushed him in front of her and prodded him to walk faster. 

“Where the fuck are we going?” Lovino asked, heart beating fast. 

“Well, _I_ am not going anywhere,” the Matron cheerfully replied. Lovino missed a step at that, and the Matron rose her hand to wave at a man waiting for them by the main entrance’s doors. Sadik greeted back and even bowed slightly at the Matron, who held the boy’s shoulders with both hands to keep him from escaping. 

“Here’s the boy,” the Matron said, and the man smiled. “He’s not easy to handle, so be careful with him”. 

“I love a good challenge, woman. I’m not a wussy like your master is,” Sadik said and reached down for Lovino’s arm. “We are going to have fun, aren’t we, kid?” he asked merrily. 

Lovino stared at him with eyes as wide as saucers. He was so shocked that he let Sadik manhandle him outside without complaining and shot an incredulous look at the Matron waving at them goodbye. Had she actually sold him to Sadik Adnan? For real? Lovino was too dazed to think clearly. The two guards standing outside opened the doors for them and even accompanied Sadik and Lovino to a coach waiting by the fountain. 

Lovino let his eyes wander around the front yard but there was no one there besides the four of them. Antonio was nowhere in sight. Did he know about this? He supposed not, because Antonio would have been present to wave him goodbye. But maybe Antonio did know. Maybe he wanted to get rid of him so badly that he had decided to toast to his departure with a bottle of wine alone in his study room. 

Lovino started shaking. His ears were screaming, the constant ring covered the sound of the cicadas hidden in the trees. Here it was again: the feeling of someone seizing him by the throat and dragging him down in the earth. Sadik helped him on the carriage. Antonio was not there. The guards didn’t stop them. Something was pulling Lovino away from reality, and as long as the buzzing continued, Lovino could not for the love of him concentrate on what was going on. 

"Don't look so scared, kid," Sadik said, grinning at him. Despite his scary mask and the terrifying smirk, Sadik was trying hard to look like a nice man, but Lovino doubted he was going to treat him kindly in the future. "Everything is going to be alright," Sadik added, and the carriage jolted forwards. The big gates were open, and Lovino glanced behind his back at the mansion slowly getting smaller. Sadik laughed and ruffled his hair, sitting close to him, almost invading his personal space, as if he was afraid Lovino was going to try and jump down from the coach at any minute. 

Lovino stared at the back of the lackey in front of him. He was going to die. He was going to die. He was going to die. 

* * *

In the meantime, Antonio sat on his old couch in his studio, trying to put his guitar together. He ran a finger along the wooden case. A splinter almost pricked his thumb, and Antonio immediately put the guitar back down. He sighed and softly massaged the corner of his eyes in disappointment. 

The past week had been a nightmare, but now, as he looked up around his spotless room, there was no sign of just how bad that week had really been. Everything was back in its place. The books had been replaced, new vases had been bought and the empty bottles had been disposed of. His servants had done a really good job in replicating the room’s old decoration, but Antonio couldn’t feel at ease in that suffocating place. On the wall, right next to the door, some red spots reminded him of what an ass he had been. No one had managed to wash the walls clean. The Matron suggested putting new tapestries on it, but Antonio had refused. 

Antonio should have handled Lovino better. Maybe he should have even asked for forgiveness. But why should Antonio ask for forgiveness when he was the master? Masters shouldn’t justify themselves, and servants should not wait for them to say sorry. 

“May I come in?” the Matron asked knocking on the door and stepping triumphantly inside. Antonio watched her pride puff out her already incredibly big chest as she told him the news. 

"You did what?" Antonio exclaimed, incredulous. 

“Lovino Vargas is now propriety of Mr. Adnan, sir,” she said. “I took the liberty to sell the boy to him, as he was causing too much trouble to your household. I strongly believe you should have sold him to Mr. Adnan sooner, Mr. Carriedo. Our incomes couldn’t cover the expenses this boy brought with him”. 

“You know you had to ask me first,” Antonio stated, but the Matron stared defiantly at him. Antonio groaned in frustration, shot up from his seat and made a bee line to the door, completely ignoring the Matron’s cries of protest. 

* * *

Lovino stared absentmindedly out of the window at the landscape slowly passing by. The mansion was nothing but a spot in the distance, and Lovino could already make out the town lurking in the woods. He could feel Sadik’s leg pressed against him, a reminder that the older man was much stronger than him and could perfectly catch him in mid-air if he tried to jump out of the carriage. It didn’t mean Lovino could not try. Maybe he could even survive a night or two alone in the woods and make his way up North in search of his brother as soon as he felt safe. He wasn’t scared of hunger and thirst anymore. The Matron had taught him well. 

But then again, why should he? 

"Can you tell me at least where the fuck are we going?” Lovino asked. 

"To my beautiful country," Sadik cut short. "Don't worry, kid. You'll like it". 

Lovino doubted it. His heart was overwhelmed with sorrow and self-pity. He was going to die a slave, there was no denying it. Judging by Antonio’s real intentions with him, Lovino knew what waited for him under Sadik’s rule. He should have known. Lovino was a useless servant after all: he didn’t take orders well. He wasn’t good enough to be a cook, a maid or even a gardener. But he was good enough to be a… no, he didn’t want to think about it. Hopefully, Sadik wasn’t into little boys and just wanted a new domestic, but Lovino doubted it. 

Lovino wasn’t worth so much. 

Lovino Vargas was nothing but a whore to Antonio and Sadik’s eyes. 

"LOVINO!" 

Lovino snapped to attention and pressed his nose against the window. Sadik mumbled a swearword under his breath and barked an order at the lackey, who shouted something back in an exotic language in turn. 

“Stop the carriage!” someone shouted, and finally Lovino spotted Antonio riding a horse, running as fast as the carriage did. His heart started beating madly against his chest as Antonio bypassed them and stopped right in front of Sadik’s coach. The horses neighed in fear in front of them and reared up making the box they were sitting in jolt violently backwards. Lovino almost crashed back into Sadik’s lap. 

“The madman!” Sadik swore and violently pushed Lovino away from him while the lackey calmed the horses down and brought the carriage to a stop. “Don’t you move!” Sadik ordered him, pushing the door open and stepping outside. Lovino pressed his face against the window again and managed to take a glimpse of Antonio hopping down from his horse and slowly walking towards Sadik. 

"What the hell are you doing, bastard of Spaniard? You—!" Sadik shouted raising an accusing finger at Antonio. Antonio’s face was completely devoid of emotion, and before Sadik could end his sentence, he took a gun out and pointed it straight between Sadik’s furrowed eyebrows. The Turk stilled in shock and stared right into Antonio’s green eyes. 

“Give me Lovino back, Sadik,” Antonio said, calm but commanding. Lovino glanced back at Sadik, wondering what his next step was going to be. Antonio looked unstoppable; a word and he would not hesitate to pull the trigger. Lovino’s stomach dropped, and he fought with the handle with shaking fingers, trying to get out of the carriage and stand between the two men before either of them did something stupid. 

"I bought him fair and square, lad!" Sadik exclaimed staring down the barrel of the gun. "If you pull that trigger, you are going regret this very much. Your whole fortune is on the line. Mark my words". 

Antonio remained completely indifferent to Sadik’s pleas. 

"I'm not going to kill you," Antonio said after a long moment of pause. "Just give me Lovino back, and I'll pretend nothing happened". 

Sadik burst out laughing. 

"Well, you might be good at it, but I am not. If I get out of this alive, I’ll make sure to halt any commercial ties with you, and Mr. Carriedo,” he slurred, ironic, “you know how much you need me right now. If you let me keep the kid, on the other hand…”

"Whatever, Sadik,” Antonio snapped, his finger dangerously close to the trigger. "Do whatever you wish, drag my name through the mud if you must, but just so you know, no one won a war against me. Mark my words," Antonio added, icy cold, imitating Sadik's tone of voice. Lovino finally managed to open the door and fell on the ground with a dull thud, but neither Sadik nor Antonio paid any attention to him. 

"I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again: this boy isn't worth it, lad," Sadik said. "Listen to reason here. Go back to your wine and guitar playing, while I handle our business like a man. You’ll be rich for a long, long time, if you just do as I say”. 

"If he wasn't worth it, I wouldn't be here," Antonio declared, and Sadik's face dropped. "Right now, Mr. Adnan, you need me as much as I need you. We’ve already discussed this. There are going to be repercussions, if you don’t give me the boy right now”. 

Sadik stared at Antonio for what felt like hours, but he finally took a step back. Antonio immediately dropped the gun to the side and swiftly moved to Lovino sitting on the ground, indecisive. 

“Are you hurt?” Antonio asked cupping Lovino’s face to check for injures. 

“I’m fine,” Lovino reassured him and slapped the other’s hands away. Sadik snorted behind them and hopped back on his carriage. 

“Have fun with your toyboy,” Sadik wished. “You can even keep the money, if you want. You’ll pay me back with interests, anyway,” he said and laughed. He barked something to the lackey as he closed the door behind him. The horses neighed in protest before they finally trotted away, dragging the coach with them. 

Antonio remained kneeled next to Lovino until the carriage disappeared from sight and then turned to face Lovino again. Lovino slowly stood back up, wiping the dust from his shirt and pants with his hands. It was only when he was done that he realized Antonio had not moved an inch from his spot and that he was staring up at Lovino with devotion in his green eyes. Antonio was staring at him so intensively that Lovino’s throat went dry. 

"I'm sorry, Lovino. I'm really sorry. Please, forgive me," Antonio whispered, and Lovino took a step back, as if Antonio had slapped him across the face. 

Lovino opened his mouth to retort, but no word came out, and they ended up staring at each other for a couple of minutes completely in silence. At that point Antonio slowly moved in a standing position again, secured the gun to the waist and walked over to his horse. Lovino noticed that Antonio was shaking. 

Antonio hopped on the horse and stretched a hand toward him, and Lovino suddenly realized that if he wanted, Lovino could refuse Antonio’s offer and run in the direction of the town, never to be seen again. Lovino’s eyes flickered from Antonio’s hand to the spot Sadik’s carriage had disappeared to and back again. 

Not once did Antonio smile at him or tell him something reassuring. Lovino took a step back, but right when Antonio made to drop his hand by his side, Lovino grabbed it and pulled himself up on the horse. 

"Hold on me tight," Antonio softly said, and Lovino did without complaining. He wondered if he had made the right choice, but feeling too tired to make up his mind, he pressed his cheek against Antonio's shoulder blades and closed his eyes. At least he would see Bella and Nathan again. 

Antonio had definitely not forgotten what had happened between them and to make it even worse he had even asked for forgiveness on his knees. 

Lovino had granted it.

God, he hated himself. He hated Antonio for putting him in such a difficult position. 

When they finally returned to the mansion and hopped off the horse together under the guard’s disbelieving eyes, Lovino ran back inside without looking at Antonio once. 

The next day, Lovino woke up earlier than he used to. Bella was still asleep in her bed, and Lovino tiptoed outside as silently as he could. He climbed the stairs up to Antonio’s room, noticing the light filtering through the slightly open door. Lovino pushed the door open and noticed with satisfaction Antonio shooting up from his chair in surprise. 

"Lovino! Is there something wrong?" Antonio asked. Lovino stared at him, his heart filled with sadness. He couldn't look at Antonio anymore. Being with him made Lovino do stupid things. It made his heart ache with longing when it shouldn’t. It made him weak, a pathetic excuse for a man. Lovino needed to get away from him. 

“I want to ask you something,” Lovino said, determined. He forced himself to look at Antonio straight in the eyes, but when he saw Antonio flash him a hopeful smile, he immediately looked down again. 

“What is it?” Antonio asked, taking a step forwards, but Lovino raised his hand to halt him before he could get any closer. 

"I-I know why you w-want me here. I know why you are acting so fucking good to me. I know, damn it," Lovino stated. He tried to pull himself together and continued: "You revealed your true self the other day. You showed me why you wanted me here, and… well,” Lovino gulped, “maybe I knew but I didn’t want to see. I accept the fact you are the master and you have all the rights to do anything you wish with me, but…. I can't say… yeah… I can't say I don't hate you for it". 

Antonio remained silent.

"I know I don't have a choice. I'm nothing here. I'm just a slave, one among many. I can't fucking say no. I must work here… but… but… at least… at least, let me tell you how the fuck I want to work," Lovino finally managed to say. 

Antonio looked down. 

"I want to work in the fields," Lovino declared, more sure of himself. "I am going to work in those damned fields along with the other farmers. I'll wake up at four o'clock in the morning and I’ll come back late in the evening to sleep. It will be stressing, difficult, tiring, but…" 

Antonio remained still. 

"But at least I won't have to see your face again," Lovino concluded, raising his head to look at Antonio. A look of hurt crossed Antonio’s face, and Lovino immediately looked back down again. 

"I understand," Antonio said and smiled softly at him. "Yeah… okay, why not…" 

Lovino doubted Antonio meant it, but at least he had given him permission to do as he wished. Lovino wanted Antonio to pay. He wanted to hurt him, but he didn't know how. At the same time, though, he really didn't want to leave Antonio’s side and that made him even angrier. Without another word Lovino turned on his heels and slammed the door shut behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

###  Chapter Seven 

When Lovino informed Bella that he was going to work in the fields, the blonde’s shoulders became suddenly stiff. She immediately casted her eyes down, and although her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, she otherwise remained completely silent. By simply looking at her, Lovino’s sense of awareness suddenly heightened, making him feel extremely conscious of the position he was putting both of them into. It was suffocating, to put it briefly, to see Bella being so against Lovino’s decision without outright saying it. 

Lovino wanted to defend himself; in that moment, he wanted to come clean and tell her everything that had happened with Antonio, to reassure her that it would be better if he just stayed away from Carriedo, to make her _understand_ it was his choice and not just his master’s orders. He did nothing of the sort, and Bella lifted her head, told him to be careful and didn’t bring the matter up anymore. 

Nathan, on the other hand, listened to Lovino with his face completely devoid of emotion. He kept his back turned to the boy and continued tending to the orange trees as if Lovino’s decision was not that big of a deal after all. Against all expectations, Nathan’s coolness made Lovino feel better with himself. 

“Take care of my tomatoes,” Lovino said, and Nathan grunted, cigarette dangling perilously between his lips. Lovino shoved his hands in his pockets, kicked a pebble with the tip of his shoes and shot a glance at the lonely lemon tree in the middle of the back garden. “Well, that’s all,” he whispered then. Who cared about that tree anyway, it was just another tree amongst many. 

It wasn’t like Lovino wasn’t going to see Nathan and Bella anymore, and it wasn’t like Lovino wasn’t going to be there at the end of the day to check on his plants. He was just changing job, that’s all. He was still a slave there. He always had to come back. 

***

The next morning Lovino woke up very early for his first day as a field worker. He took his sweet time getting ready and watched Bella’s chest softly rise and fall while she was sleeping before he finally decided to join the rest of the men in front of the main gates. 

The guards didn’t even deem him worthy of their attention as Lovino pushed the front doors open and stepped outside in the cold morning breeze. The workers all stood in reverent silence in groups of three and four, smoking and looking at each other without something to say. All of them were much older than Lovino was, skin tanned and wrinkled from all the hours spent under the scorching summer sun, and they didn’t even raise their heads to look at him when he marched over to them. 

A young man joined the group a minute after Lovino’s appearance, coming directly from the town. He was a couple of years older than Lovino with short, raven black hair and the skin the color of dark sienna. As soon as he arrived, the field workers stood up straighter, put out their cigarettes and marched all together towards the woods surrounding Carriedo’s mansion. The gates screeched close behind them. 

“You must be Lovino!” the raven haired boy said unexpectedly, smiling widely at him and stretching his hand to shake his. “I’m Roberto. We never met in person, but I had the honor to eat one of your tomatoes. I was hungry and Nathan gave one to me… well, I hope you don’t mind”. 

“Oh,” Lovino was at a loss for words. “No, not at all,” he mumbled quite harshly, not sure if he should trust a guy that seemed to know him already. Lovino studied the other face, but when Roberto just smiled back, he suddenly realized he had no reason to be so paranoid. 

“Did you know that tomatoes actually come from my country?” Roberto asked. “Eating one of yours was like going back home. It was amazing!” 

Lovino didn’t know how to respond to that so he said nothing, but Roberto didn’t seem like the kind of guy who felt intimidated by long awkward silences. Soon enough Roberto started talking again, filling Lovino in on what they were supposed to do in the fields and the hierarchy that reined outside of the mansion. 

“To be a farmer under Carriedo’s rule is hard work, but you’ll get by. Time goes fast when we work together, and if you ever need help, just whistle to me and I’ll be by your side in a sec,” Roberto said. 

“Hey, Roberto!” another guy exclaimed speeding up his walking pace to be by their side. Lovino turned around to look at the teenage boy holding a long, sturdy stick on his right shoulder. “This is the new kid, right? I’m Carlos,” he introduced himself, shaking Lovino’s hand. “I heard you tried to escape Carriedo’s mansion more than once. That’s impressive, kiddo,” Carlos congratulated him with a big smile. Without waiting for Lovino’s reply, Carlos started describing them all the escaping plans he had come up with when he first arrived to the mansion but that he had never had the guts to actually put into action. Apparently, he came from a place called Argentina, so it was hard for him to actually cross the border without getting caught on his way to the port. Lovino nodded, pretending to understand what Carlos was talking about, although he had no idea where Argentina actually was. 

“By the way, grab some sticks too,” Carlos said moving his chin to his own. “We need to harvest olives today, and the guards like us more when we show up prepared”. 

Roberto yanked Lovino to the side and obtained some sticks for Lovino and him from some older farmers walking slowly at the end of the line, who were carrying large bundles of wood on their backs. 

“What are we supposed to do with this?” Lovino asked, holding the heavy stick in his arms and looking up at Carlos and Roberto in question. 

“I’ll show you soon enough,” Carlos said. 

They kept walking for a couple of minutes more with Roberto breaking the silence with his unnecessary comments on the weather. When they reached the northern borders of the olive fields, the group finally stopped and split up. Carlos motioned Lovino to stay close to him, and Lovino did so without protesting. 

The fields were fenced in, and two imposing men stood by either side of the entrance, their hands on their waist and a suspicious bulge distorting their perfectly ironed gilets. They handed sticks to all the farmers who had none and motioned them inside with a bored wave of their hand. Lovino shot them an intimidated glance and hurried inside after his newly made friends before the guards could take a good look at him.

Once they were inside, the workers –now split in groups of six and seven- moved all together as one. They put their sticks on the side and started laying down long white sheets under each and every olive tree, picking their sticks up again only when the ground was completely covered in white. 

“You have to hit the trees first,” Roberto instructed him and moved to show him with his own stick. He gently hit the branches and some ripped olives fell down onto the white sheets. “This part is not very hard. Don’t break the branches, though, or you’ll get in trouble”.

“After that a man climbs up on the trees and picks singlehandedly the rest of the olives, but that’s only if it’s absolutely necessary,” Carlos added picking up his own stick and moving around the tree to reach the highest branches. 

Lovino carefully watched the two teenagers for a while before he decided that it wasn’t such a difficult job after all. After an hour of hitting and picking, however, Lovino had to think again. His arms were aching. Holding the wood for so many hours caused lesions and blisters to his hands, and that made it increasingly difficult to keep up with the rest of the group. Lovino glanced around him to see how the other field workers were doing, but none of them looked as tired as Lovino was. It took him a second to realize that their persistence was just an act: whenever the two men patrolling them turned their backs, the farmers heaved a sigh of relief and took a small break before they started harvesting again. 

The two men looked menacing indeed, but Lovino couldn’t really understand their exact role in this whole ordeal. All in all, they did nothing but walk around supervising, and Lovino doubted they had the power to hit them if they slacked off. Neither Bella nor Nathan had talked about guards, although it was obvious Carriedo couldn’t have the field workers slaving for him without someone controlling their every movement, but those men sure looked out of place there, as if they just volunteered to go on a patrol. 

“If looks could kill…” Lovino muttered. One of the two guards lifted his head as if he had heard Lovino’s comment and stared at him, scrutinizing him from head to toe. Lovino immediately shifted his attention back to his olive tree. The sun was already high in the sky, and despite being still morning, the air was so dry and hot, Lovino thought he was going to die from just sweating. 

Knowing he was being watched, Lovino bit his lips and kept working, but after a couple of hours he was too exhausted to keep the stick firmly in his hands anymore. At some point it slipped from his hold, hitting his foot and making him yelp in pain. When that happened, Carlos and Roberto immediately jumped to his side to see what was wrong. 

“Hey, no slacking off!” one of the guards shouted, disapprovingly. Lovino kneeled down to pick the stick up, but he was sweating so much it just slipped away from his grasp again. Carlos picked it up for him, and Lovino was reaching out to take it back when he saw the guard’s shadow take shape on the ground in front of him.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed. Some farmers turned to look at him in amusement, and Lovino was so embarrassed from all the sudden attention, he tripped and almost fell on the harvested olives lying on the sheet behind him. Carlos tried to grab him by the shirt before the worst happened, but it was the guard who caught him in his arms instead. Lovino tried to free himself immediately, but the man kept him firmly in place, forcing him to turn around to properly see his face.

“He’s new!” Carlos immediately exclaimed, but the guard shushed him with just one look. Lovino felt small under the middle-aged man penetrating stare and closed his eyes shut when the guard raised his hand in the air, as if he was going to hit him. The blow, though, never came, and Lovino opened an eye again only to see that all farmers, Carlos and Roberto included, had gone back to work and were not paying any attention to the two of them anymore. 

“Are you related to Romano Vargas, kiddo?” the guard asked, almost a whisper, and Lovino’s eyes widened in shock at the unexpected question. The guard seemed completely fascinated with him and just studied his face in wonder like it didn’t matter if Lovino answered his question or not. When the guard smiled, Lovino realized there was nothing to fear about this man. 

“H-he was my father,” Lovino admitted in the end. 

“Oh, so I was right,” the guard said, immensely pleased with himself. “You look just like your dad when he was younger. I knew Romano, son. Great man, kid. Great man,” he complimented him and patted Lovino’s shoulder in a friendly manner. 

Lovino scratched his head in confusion, not really knowing what to make of it. The guard picked up the stick Carlos had dropped on the ground mere seconds before and handed it to him. 

“So you work for Carriedo now, right?” the guard asked. “Are you, by any chance, the very same boy that tried to escape from Carriedo’s mansion more than once? You fit my friend’s description perfectly, that’s why I’m asking”.

“T-that was a long time ago,” Lovino muttered, pressing the stick on his chest and moving his eyes right and left for a way out. 

“I know that, and, to be honest with you, kiddo, that was really stupid,” the guard said standing straighter. “Look, there is no way you can escape slavery like that. Either Carriedo willingly sets you free or you die. Those are your two only options”. The man smirked at him, putting his hands on his waist, and Lovino focused his gaze on the gun he knew was hidden inside the man’s waistcoat. 

“What about killing Carriedo?” Lovino asked before he could think it over better. The man’s eyes immediately fixed on him, and Lovino realized he should have kept his mouth shut. The guard might have known his father, maybe they had even been friends, but he was working for Carriedo, and Lovino couldn’t just confess wanting to kill Antonio to someone who was following his master’s direct orders. 

The guard’s lips slowly twitched upwards in an amused smirk, but Lovino was unable to interpret the other’s sudden change in mood. He glanced behind to where Carlos and Roberto were still working, but neither of them was paying attention to him. 

“As expected from a Vargas,” the guard said, nodding his head in appreciation. “I like you, kiddo,” the guard added and patted his back once more. “My name is Pasquale, by the way,” he introduced himself, grabbed Lovino’s hand and shook it firmly. 

In that moment Lovino knew he had to introduce himself too, but the words simply stuck in his throat, as if telling his name to this strange man was going to change his destiny forever. What if he lied? Lovino wondered what would happen if he did. Maybe the man already knew his name and he would be displeased, which would lead to dire consequences, or maybe he did not and Lovino could start anew with him. In fact, Lovino wouldn’t mind to lie. He hated his name so much. It was a silly, unmanly name; no one would be proud to be called Lovino, after all. Moreover, it just reminded him of Antonio, of the way Antonio pronounced it, as if it was the most beautiful sound in the whole world. It disgusted him. 

“I’m Romano Vargas Jr.” Lovino finally decided. “And I am no fucking kiddo. I’m thirteen”.

“Oh, you are the oldest son, aren’t you?” Pasquale asked, and Lovino’s heart started beating frantically in his chest. 

“The only son,” Lovino said, trying to sound convincing. “I have no brothers or sisters”. 

“Is that so. Better for you, keep that legacy for yourself, lad,” Pasquale said bursting out laughing. The man took a step backwards, as if ready to let him finally work in peace, but when Lovino made to go back to Carlos and Roberto, Pasquale grabbed him by the shoulder again and kneeled down to his eye level. 

“You know, I actually lied to you,” Pasquale whispered. “There is another way to get out of Carriedo’s filthy grasp, but it’s a long way to go and you have to earn it”. 

To say Lovino was intrigued would be an understatement. Pasquale looked around him as if playing the conspirator and leaned down closer to him. 

“Have you ever been to town, Romano?” he asked, to which Lovino shook his head no. “Do you want to?” 

Lovino nodded enthusiastically. 

“I can take you there,” Pasquale confessed, his dark eyes twinkling with mischief. “You’ll be by my side all day long and you won’t need to work with these plebeians ever again,” he continued. Noticing Lovino’s surprised look, Pasquale grinned: “And Antonio Carriedo would never know a thing”. 

Lovino’s noticed the tension he had been carrying in his shoulders only when they loosened up at Pasquale’s words. The man finally let go of him and stood back up, and Lovino furrowed his eyebrows, deep in thought. 

“Are you with me then?” Pasquale asked, stretching his hand to him. Lovino didn’t give it a second thought: he took it in his. 

Without another word Pasquale winked at him and tilted his chin towards the olive trees, and Lovino nodded in understanding. He immediately returned back to work, feeling reinvigorated without knowing exactly why he did. Roberto and Carlos didn’t bring up the conversation Pasquale and Lovino had carried out in private, and Lovino soon realized they were not going to pry, almost as if they hadn’t seen or heard a thing. 

Later that evening Lovino returned back to the mansion completely exhausted. He grabbed something to eat, answered to Bella’s questions with just a yes or a no and dropped on his bed, falling asleep before his head hit the pillow. When he woke up the next morning, Lovino was ready to start the day off right. He had no idea why he got the appetite, but he ate his breakfast eagerly, devouring each bite to get over with it sooner. Bella was still sleeping peacefully when he was out of the door, but this time Lovino didn’t feel bad for leaving her alone in that scary mansion. 

The field workers were in the exact same place as they were the morning before, but Lovino recognized Pasquale’s face among the group. Roberto and Carlos kept their distance from the rest of the farmers, but when Lovino walked over to the front gates, the two teenagers sped up to greet him as if they had been waiting for that exact opportunity to get noticed. Unfortunately for them, it was Pasquale who got to Lovino first.

“So, Romano, are you ready for your first day towards independence?” Pasquale asked, putting a hand on his shoulders and dragging him away from the rest of the field workers, who started walking all together in the direction of the fields. Lovino shot a worried glance behind his shoulder at Carlos and Roberto, who stared back at him with a concerned look on their faces. When Lovino realized that Pasquale and he were heading to the town, though, he immediately forgot all about the two of them.

“Of course!” Lovino exclaimed, flaunting confidence. Pasquale chuckled and raised his arm in the air. On his signal, a coach suddenly appeared from behind some bushes. Pasquale helped him inside, and Lovino watched fascinated the workers walking in the other direction as the horses pulled the coach into the woods. 

For the first time in three years Lovino was finally going to visit the town. The first brownstone houses greeted them an hour after their departure, immediately giving way to small little concrete houses facing each other on either side of a wide dirty road. Every building housed a shop or a tavern, and people sold fruit and vegetables in booths built up on the side of the road. A man even approached the carriage and started praising his own merchandise out loud: fish and seafood he had caught himself that very same morning, but Pasquale dismissed him with a flick of his hand. 

Lovino immediately fell in love with the town’s jolly vibe, but it was only when the passed through the open-air market that he decided his dream was to be one of the town’s residents. There were all kinds of people there: mothers with children, old men selling handmade walking canes, busty women shouting the price of their vegetables every five minutes… all of that and much more gave off a sense of intimacy and freedom that completely lacked in Antonio’s mansion. In a matter of seconds, Lovino was completely drawn into the town’s frenzy life, hook, line and sinker. 

When the coach stopped in front of a tavern, Lovino was practically bouncing with anticipation. He hopped off immediately after Pasquale and he was taken aback when every person they encountered on their way into the building greeted the older man wholeheartedly. Some even bowed their head to him in awe. Pasquale, however, didn’t deem them worthy of his attention and just pushed Lovino inside the tavern, before the latter could start asking question. 

The atmosphere inside the old building, however, was the complete opposite from the cheerfulness that reigned outside in town. Lovino’s legs started shaking when ten pair of eyes turned to look at them. The men playing cards stopped blaming each other for cheating, while the ones drinking carefully put down their empty glasses on the table. The barman, a sulky man cleaning his nails with the point of his knife, looked up from his fingers and raised an eyebrow at Lovino in question. 

“Who’s the boy, Don Pasquale?” he asked. 

Everyone stretched their heads to look at Lovino better, and Pasquale laughed, patting the boy on the back as if he had just turned up with a trophy. 

“This is Romano Vargas Jr., everyone,” Pasquale said turning to look at the rest of the patrons. 

“ _That_ Vargas?” someone exclaimed, and everyone started talking all together, pointing at Lovino as if he were a some kind of great luminary. Lovino couldn’t comprehend a word they said, but he did hear his father’s name enough times to understand that everyone had known a farmer named Romano Vargas. All of a sudden, the whole tavern fell silent again as a bulky man raised from his table and leisurely walked towards Pasquale. 

“That Vargas,” Pasquale said, sounding proud. “And he is one of us now,” he added with a grin. 

“He’s just a scrawny kid,” the man said looking at Lovino from head to toe. “Are you sure he’s Vargas’ son?” 

“The one and only,” Lovino spat, and the man’s eyes immediately fixed on his face. 

“The one and only,” Pasquale repeated, sounding profoundly amused. 

“Y-yeah…” Lovino agreed, gulping down the lump in his throat. The man grunted, reached for the inside of his waistcoat and took a gun out, putting it immediately on the wooden table beside them. 

“You know how to use one, kid?” the man asked. 

“I will if you teach me,” Lovino retorted. Pasquale’s grin widened. 

Lovino looked at the gun laying on the table and imagined himself holding one, shooting someone with it. Feeling suddenly courageous, he grabbed the gun in his hands and gasped when he almost dropped it on the table again. It was much heavier than it looked, but Lovino knew he would manage to hold it still and pull the trigger if he had to. Under Pasquale’s stare, Lovino inspected the barrel and traced a line on the cold metal with his fingers. 

“Are you going to give me one of these?” Lovino asked, his eyes wide as saucers, and Pasquale burst out laughing. The man too scoffed in amusement and shook his head no, carefully taking the gun back from Lovino’s hands. 

“They’re expensive,” the man explained. “You need to pay to have one”. 

“What shall I do?” Lovino asked. When the words left Lovino’s mouth, there was chaos. All the patrons stood up from their tables and approached him, shaking his hand and welcoming him in the club, whatever the hell that meant. Pasquale turned to the barman and ordered three drinks, and the latter pushed a small glass filled with a transparent liquid in front of Lovino’s nose. The pointy smell made Lovino gag. 

Someone started playing a guitar and Lovino snapped immediately to attention, drawn to the sound like a sailor to a mermaid’s song. Everyone started clapping in sync with the music, and Pasquale patted him on the back and ordered him to drink. Lovino did and almost spit the liquid out again, making Pasquale and the barman laugh to tears. 

The bulky man introduced himself as Angelo and pulled him away from Pasquale to meet the rest of the guys. The one playing guitar even lent him his instrument, and Lovino got the chance to show someone what Antonio had taught him in those past months. Everyone started clapping again, complimenting him and making him feel appreciated, loved. He was not alone anymore, he was part of a club now, and who knows, one day Lovino would be able to drink alcohol too and get all the chicks… 

The next day Lovino was introduced to the fine art of pickpocketing. His career started in the open market, where he shook like a leaf in a storm, terrified of getting caught until he realized he was pretty damn good at it. It was easy to underestimate him: he was just a kid playing around, and the money was gone before they even realized who had taken it. By the end of his first day, Romano Vargas Jr.’s pockets were full with gold coins, which he immediately stored in a small nickel bag he had accidentally found in an old woman tattered purse. Later in the evening, when no one could see him, Lovino hid the bag in the earth under the lemon tree in Carriedo’s back garden. 

In the days that followed Romano mastered the art of pickpocketing. He was the perfect thief and a wonderful handyman, ready to run any errand his friend Pasquale requested from him. Romano was a free man; he had friends and plenty to eat. He didn’t need to see the Matron nor Antonio, even if they lived every night in the same mansion. For two years Romano managed to avoid being a slave. 

His life suddenly made sense again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was so difficult to write. I sincerely hope everything is alright!

### Chapter Eight

The moment Lovino suddenly realized that his body was changing didn’t coincide with the night he first dreamed of Antonio. In fact, it was much worse than that. 

Antonio Fernández Carriedo –technically still his master even when Lovino spent the whole day with Pasquale and his gang- had always been a constant in his dreams, a sick reminder than a man, who had pretended to be on his side but was in fact using him due to some sick desire of his, was still alive. His subconscious always served Antonio’s smile on a silver platter, carved his image into his brain’s synapses and dangled it in front of Lovino’s nose like a voodoo doll. Lovino had always been scared of Antonio’s shadow lurking in his deepest fantasies. 

That night, however, Lovino didn’t wake up afraid. On the contrary, he shot up from his bed drenched in sweat and hoping to go back into Morpheus’ embrace as soon as possible. Pleasure made him shiver in pain, and Lovino ran away, hid himself in the pantry so that Bella wouldn’t see the state he was in. He had no idea what was wrong with his body, but he sure as hell didn’t want to ask the blonde for advice. 

The moment Lovino suddenly realized that his body was changing coincided with the day he first noticed girls eying him up while he walked down the street. 

Lovino had never had the chance to confront himself with a mirror, so he seriously worried he had some kind of flaw standing out on his face. Maybe his nose was too big, or his head was too small, and he feared the embarrassment and ridicule that would ensue if one of the girls finally decided to point that flaw out to him. 

He had none. Girls actually giggled and shoved each other out of the way to have a chance to have a one-on-one time with him. Flirting back came natural to him, as if he had always known how to make someone’s legs go weak underneath them with just a few words. He liked it, and despite Pasquale’s disapproval, Lovino started going out with the girls in town. 

At first, Lovino couldn’t really describe it as dating, although Pasquale told him that that was what he was practically doing. Girls were fun to go out with; some were cute, some were tomboys, some blushed easily, others took no shit, and some where a mixture of all the above that made them much more alluring to Lovino’s eyes. One of these girls was Maria. She was three years older than him but looked much younger, with unruly chestnut hair and soft pink lips.

It was Maria, who told him what exactly was wrong with him. It was Maria who took him by the hand and taught him what to expect now that he making his first tentative steps into manhood. She was his first kiss and his first, albeit awkward, caress in the dark. She brought him a razor one day and held his hand while he tried to shave for the first time. 

It was Maria that told him, after three months messing around together: “Be careful who you are befriending”. 

Lovino did not doubt that Maria wanted to warn him about Pasquale and his gang, but he was too invested in his new friendship to actually listen to her. It was true that Pasquale never confessed to the true nature of his business, but Romano wasn’t born yesterday and he was not going to pretend they were working for just the right reasons. Nevertheless, Romano needed them: Pasquale was his ticket to a new, better life. 

After a year working for them, Lovino still didn’t have enough money to buy a gun of his own. Pasquale, however, was convinced that their new handyman could run errands without the use of one and sent Lovino around town to ask people for money. Romano was no gypsy, he told Pasquale, but the latter assured him that this was no gypsy’s job. He just had to check shops and taverns off a list Pasquale would give him every three days and politely say to each and every vendor he met that Romano was there to settle a debt they had with Pasquale himself. 

Two weeks in and Romano finally noticed that the townspeople were now bowing reverently at him in the same way they did with Pasquale or Angelo. The sudden respect, though, made Romano very uneasy. When asked, Pasquale would just shrug all his questions off, and even Maria turned a blind eye to Romano’s confusion. 

Pasquale kept Romano in the dark, and it was only when he brought Romano with him one day to settle some kind of debt with a local bootlegger that Romano realized just how dangerous Pasquale’s business really was. Angelo dragged him away before things turned nasty, but Romano could still hear the gunshots in his dreams for many nights after that. 

Romano had never been a witness to some reckoning, but when he finally managed to raise enough money to buy his gun, Angelo assured him that things were going to be awfully different from then on. Romano didn’t listen. He was fourteen years old and he was old enough to speak for himself. 

That day Romano slammed the bag of money he managed to collect by pickpocketing and doing small favors around town on the table Pasquale and Angelo were sitting at and flashed a big, satisfied grin at them both. The golden coins clanged on the counter, a muffled but foretelling sound, and one even rolled away from the bag to spin around on itself and stop in front of Pasquale’s astounded eyes.

“Now I can have a gun myself”. 

Pasquale slowly pulled the bag closer to him and picked up the golden coin that had fallen out of it, inspecting it with suspicion. 

“How?” 

“That’s for me to know and not for you to find out,” Romano said mischievously, to which Angelo burst out laughing and slammed a hand on the table in delight. Pasquale scoffed, dropped the fallen coin back in with the rest of his siblings and carefully put the bag away into his waistcoat. 

“She’s been waiting for you,” Pasquale drawled. 

Romano, however, had to wait another three months before Angelo gave him his much earned gun. By that time, Romano was tall and muscular enough to hold it in his hands without over-exerting himself. He was not buff as Angelo and he sure wasn’t trained as Pasquale, but Romano could pick the gun up easily, without worrying about its weight and the responsibilities that it carried with it. 

The thought that he might hurt himself by handling one never crossed Romano’s mind. It was not important. Owning a gun officially made him one of the guys, and Angelo promised him he was going to teach him how to fire properly. 

Angelo found an abandoned hut when Romano could practice in peace. They hanged around for hours on end until the moon popped up from behind the mountains, the red rays of the setting sun reflecting on the gun’s barrel like a red string woven into the loom of fate. Romano was supposed to hit a very precise spot in a tree’s trunk or in the hut’s door while Angelo stood right behind him, leading his fingers on the trigger and pushing his shoulders down when they got too tense. The gun made him powerful. He hit all his targets with ease, and despite Angelo’s qualms, Romano didn’t falter once. 

Romano was finally ready to follow the guys everywhere. He wasn’t going to be pushed aside when they had to face a difficult mission. He was not a simple handyman anymore. He was Romano Vargas, Angelo’s favorite and Pasquale’s trusted man. 

The day Romano was caught in a cross fire was they day he seriously thought of death for the first time. One of Pasquale’s loyal procurers sold them out, deciding at the last minute to play for the wrong team. Without a warning, the rival gang showed up to their appointment with the procurer. Conversation was cut to the essentials. Someone fired, and things just took a turn for the worse. 

Angelo took the bullet for him. 

In a desperate attempt to protect him, the bulky man who looked so hard on the outside but loved Lovino like a son, jumped in front of him and welcomed the bullet with open arms. He was the only one to fall, and when things were finally settled and the rival gang taken care of, Pasquale was furious he had sacrificed Angelo for a stupid two-faced procurer. 

Romano couldn’t give two damns about Pasquale’s business, his loyal and untrusty smugglers and his friends. Reality slapped him hard across the face when Angelo dropped down on the ground in front of Lovino’s eyes, knee deep in a puddle of blood. What if Angelo hadn’t liked him? What if Angelo hadn’t been there? It would have been the end of Romano. A single bullet hitting the right spot at the right moment. Guns were no game, and Pasquale was no father figure. 

Nothing was like it seemed: a shocking revelation despite knowing the truth from day one. His instincts had warned him, Maria had too, but the worst part of it was that Lovino didn’t think of escaping until Pasquale pushed the gun in his hands and ordered him to kill one of his old companions, a guy in his twenties that during the crossfire turned out to be a spy for both the procurer and the rival gang. 

With his shirt still stained from Angelo’s blood, Lovino stood petrified in front of the shaking young man. Fear of the unknown had made the tall boy look small; his green eyes were widened in horror, and his lips moved softly as if he was reciting some prayer Lovino couldn’t quite decipher. 

“Get on with it!” Pasquale shouted. The rest of the guys just stared as Lovino slowly raised his gun. If Angelo had been alive, he would have probably killed the man himself. Now it was Lovino’s turn: his punishment for indirectly causing Angelo’s death. Pasquale’s veins pulsed with anger, and Lovino could almost hear the sound of his heartbeat rising. 

“Get on with it, Romano!” Pasquale shouted. “You said you wanted to kill Carriedo! Now prove to me you have the guts to and pull that fucking trigger”. 

And Romano did. 

* * *

Romano Vargas Jr. had no idea how he got into that mess, but Lovino suddenly wanted out of it. Lovino missed the hours spent with Antonio in his study room playing guitar, he missed helping Bella out with breakfast and he even longed for the familiar stench of Nathan’s cigarettes to fill his nostrils once again. Lovino couldn’t say when Antonio’s mansion became his home, and now he wanted to go home bad. Telling Pasquale so was impossible, but Romano tried to anyway. 

He was only fifteen years old, but he had already killed once and knew what kissing a woman tasted like. Therefore, Romano was not going to be afraid of Pasquale, but he waited for the right moment before he tackled the problem with him anyway. 

Romano found Pasquale some months later after Angelo’s funeral, sitting alone in the tavern Lovino had met Angelo for the first time. The only other man in the room was the barman, who cleaned some glasses with the same dirty cloth he had been using for weeks. The barman didn’t raise his eyes to look at him as Romano came in and made a bee line to Pasquale reading some important looking documents. 

“Pasquale?” Romano called sitting down next to him, and Pasquale hummed in acknowledgment. He licked his thumb and flipped the page, his eye skimming swiftly through the numbers. 

“Yes, Romano?” Pasquale asked, strangely tender for a man who usually hated it when people disrupted his time alone. Romano fidgeted in his chair, straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his hair to make himself more presentable.

“I want to go back to the mansion,” Romano said, and Pasquale slowly raised his eyes to face him head on. “I need some time alone”. 

“Is this because of Angelo?” Pasquale asked, but Romano just shrugged in answer. The older man tilted his head in thought. 

“Are you trying to leave me?” he asked then, a teasing smirk stretching on his wrinkled face. Romano chose to stay silent, and Pasquale knitted his eyebrows in disapproval. “You know you can’t leave, right?” 

“I am not trying to leave,” Romano snapped, as if that mere thought disgusted him. “I still need to kill Carriedo, remember?” he added, half-jokingly, half-serious. Pasquale didn’t look convinced and laid farther into his chair, crossing his arms over his chest in a pensive manner. The barman tinged some glasses together as he put them back on the shelves behind the counter, and Lovino snapped his attention to him, feeling as vulnerable as the glasses the barman was skillfully handling. 

“That airhead of Angelo loved you lots, kiddo,” Pasquale said. “I sure hope you are not seriously thinking of letting his sacrifice go to waste,” he added, and Romano fidgeted in his seat once again, feeling shivers ran down his spine at the underlying threat. Under Pasquale’s scrutinizing glare, Romano shook his head no. 

“Did you hear the rumor going around town?” Pasquale asked on a lighter tone. A confused looked crossed Romano’s face, and Pasquale flashed his teeth at him. “They say a war is going to start soon. A revolution, actually,” he spelled the word sarcastically, accentuating every syllable as if it was bad wine. 

“Yeah, I know that much,” Romano said, thinking back on Maria telling something along those lines a month before. People whispered in the streets and in the pubs, but Romano had never paid them a lot of attention, regarding their fascination with the anarchists as nothing more than the latest fad in town. A revolution, how intriguing. Against who? No one could say. 

Pasquale, however, had looked into it much more in detail. 

“A revolution against the current system,” Pasquale said. “The North and South will be finally together as one country, where masters and servants are no more and people can finally live to their rhythm. Isn’t that wonderful, Romano?” he asked, his voice dripping sarcasm, and Romano couldn’t suppress the sudden urge to laugh. 

“Well, that’s bullshit,” Romano said when his laughter subsided. “There’s always someone who orders people around and there’s always someone who suffers the consequences”. 

“Indeed,” Pasquale said. 

“Since when the North cared about us?” Romano prodded then. “Bullshit,” he swore, shaking his head. 

“Bullshit to you, but not to the fucking rich who just want to see the good in people,” Pasquale said. “Idealists, like your master, Mr. Carriedo”. 

Romano’s snapped his head at the mention of Antonio’s name. He tried to keep his face blank, but Pasquale smiled, as if he could read Lovino like an open book. 

“You want to go back, right?” Pasquale asked. “Well, I’m allowing you to. I know just the right person who’ll take you back in without asking too many questions. You don’t even need to worry about being sent working in the fields again”. 

“I don’t want to go back forever,” Romano said. 

“Who said you are?” Pasquale retorted. “I take it for granted that you are going to keep considering me as your master and not Carriedo. Angelo is dead, now you take his place. You are old enough, and despite being a clumsy baby sometimes, you are perfect for the job. You won’t falter, I know you won’t. Carriedo trusts you and you must make the most of it”. 

“W-what am I supposed to do?” Romano asked. He hesitated and gripped the rim of the table until his knuckles turned white. 

“I want information, kiddo,” Pasquale said, leaning closer to him. “Carriedo is a rich landowner. Merging the northern with the southern part of the country won’t benefit him in the least, so he must know something about this. If it’s indeed just a rumor, then Carriedo won’t worry”. 

“And what if it is?” Romano asked. 

“Then Carriedo is doomed,” Pasquale answered. “The mansion will soon have no master, and you are going to be free to take you revenge on him, Romano. I know you hate him. It’s normal that you do; he took advantage of you and your legacy, after all. We can get rich with Carriedo’s heritage, Romano. This revolution might lead us far”. 

“Very well,” Romano agreed. 

In the days that followed, dating girls and kissing Maria turned out to be awfully frustrating. As the date Lovino was going to see Antonio again got closer, Lovino’s dreams on his master got wilder and wilder. Antonio was no more a shadow lurking in his subconscious. No. He was a real person with real hands and real lips, much more satisfying than Maria and her embraces. 

In his dreams, Antonio never apologized for almost taking advantage of Lovino, but Lovino always forgave him after witnessing Antonio riding a horse as fast as he could to save him from Sadik’s grasp. Lovino was angry with himself for being so weak even in his own fantasies. His body disagreed with him. His hormones just laughed in his face. Maria noticed and dumped him. 

Lovino was supposed to enjoy a woman’s affection for him, but he couldn’t actually take that same affection seriously. It left him empty, but, at the same time, Lovino craved for more. He was a child trapped in a growing man’s body. Antonio had messed with his head; there was no way he could turn normal again. Now that Lovino was going to meet Antonio face to face after two years, he was afraid of the consequences. On one hand, he was desperate to see him. On the other hand, Lovino hoped that once he did, he would finally see the man for who he really was and laugh in his face. 

But who was Antonio, really? Lovino had no idea. A grown up with a sick attachment to kids? A rich guy who had a fucked up idea of the world? A man who just wanted a friend, regardless of their age difference? How are you supposed to face your fears, when you don’t even know what you are afraid of? 

***

Bella was so happy that Lovino was finally back for good that she didn’t let go of him for hours. She hugged him, kissed him, stroked his head and bombarded him with questions, which Lovino couldn’t answer in all honesty for fear he was going to slip something inconvenient to her. Nathan, on the other hand, was much more self-possessed than Bella, even though Lovino glimpsed the flicker of relief in the other’s eyes when told that the boy was back to being a simple servant again. 

After Lovino was done checking on his tomato garden and helped Bella out with breakfast and lunch as he used to do before he met Pasquale and his gang, Lovino decided to pay a visit upstairs to his master’s rooms. He met the Matron on the way up while she was climbing the stairs down, and their gazes met briefly over the handrail. She looked incredibly old for her age and she had even lost weight over the years, making her look more like a prune than the majestic lady she used to be. 

As soon as she spotted him, the Matron froze. They stared at each other for what felt like an interminable hour, and Lovino noticed her fingers shake. She immediately wrapped them around the handrail to keep some self-control and slightly nodded at him, before she hung her head low and climbed down the stairs faster. Lovino continued going upwards. When he stepped on the landing, Lovino looked down towards the Matron again, but the woman had her back turned to him, standing tall as she used to do since the first time they met. 

Suddenly, Lovino felt a hand on his shoulder and he almost jumped in surprise at the touch. He spun around and came face to face with no other than Antonio himself. All thoughts of the Matron swiftly vanished from his mind when two green eyes filled with wonder stared down at him. The man of his dreams stood right in front of him, his lips slightly parted as if he wanted to say something, his cheeks red, and so handsome, Lovino felt out of breath. 

He didn’t remember him like this. In his dreams, Antonio had been much uglier, nothing but a monster hiding in the bushes. The Antonio of his dreams had nothing to do with this naïve guy shaking slightly in front of him, who looked as if he had finally found something he had been seeking all his life. 

Lovino stood in front of Antonio, mesmerized. He had no idea what to say and the hands dangling by his side like dead weight felt heavy and unnecessary stiff. He wanted to do something with them, but he didn’t know what. Antonio’s lips stretched into a soft smile, and Lovino’s eyes immediately focused on the corners of said lips. 

“Lovino… you are back?” Antonio asked, a tiny whisper, a long, shuddering breath. Lovino immediately looked down at the floor. 

What could he say to Antonio? How much Lovino hated him? Lovino wanted to remind him how his life changed because of him just to spite him. Antonio, who dragged him away from his brother and forced him to be a slave; Antonio, who confessed to want him as a sex-toy with just a hug and took him back in even when it became obvious to both of them that he should have let him go. What should Lovino say? That Lovino left because Antonio made him feel weird, but came back because without him he felt even weirder? 

“I-!” Lovino started but bit his lips immediately after. Antonio’s look made his heart skip a beat, made his mouth go dry and his mind go blank. 

Lovino’s breath hitched when Antonio suddenly pulled him into a crushing hug. Antonio wrapped his arms around Lovino’s shoulders, pressing him close to him as if he would die, if he let Lovino go. Lovino didn’t want him to let him go, but at the same time Lovino knew it was ridiculous to hope that this hug meant something to Antonio. His eyes fluttered close, and Lovino breathed in Antonio’s scent. It was both awkward and sweet. 

“I missed you so much in these past two years,” Antonio whispered straight in Lovino’s ear. “God, I knew you were here, but-!” 

“Enough nonsense!” Lovino cut him off. “I’m here, damnit. I’m here!” 

Antonio pushed him softly away, his hands gripping his shoulders without hurting him. The older man smiled brightly at him, scanning him from head to toe trying to spot the difference between what Lovino had been and what he had become. Lovino was going to die from embarrassment if Antonio kept looking at him with admiration in his eyes. How could Lovino forgive him? He should hate him. He was just a boy and Antonio was older, richer, more powerful than him. No one in their right mind could forgive someone that wanted nothing more than take advantage of them, who had nothing to lose if he tried. With that thought in mind, Lovino finally found the courage to bat Antonio’s hands away. 

“Err…” Lovino mumbled. “Do you need me to do something?” he blurted out, blushing when Antonio snorted in amusement. “Scrub the fucking floors, dust ridiculously old books? Err…” Lovino trailed off, scratching his head in search of ideas. “Harvest tomatoes?” he suggested, knitting his eyebrows deep in thought, but Antonio shook his head in disbelief and reached out to grab his hand. 

“You have to see something!” Antonio exclaimed pulling him away and leading him towards the main hall and out of the mansion. Lovino tried to free his hand, but Antonio kept a strong hold on him and didn’t let him go until they finally reached the fountain in the front courtyard. The two guards remained still on their posts, watching them with similar bored expressions on their faces. 

“What the fuck is wrong with-!” he exclaimed, but the words died in his throat when he saw the strange looking carriage parked next to the fountain. “What’s that?” Lovino asked, fascinated, walking towards that strange machine in a daze. Antonio followed him, and Lovino shot him a look over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow when he saw the immensely satisfied grin plastered on his master’s face. 

“It’s a car! Or, maybe, the prototype of a car,” Antonio explained coming to stand right next to Lovino. He put a hand on the steel plate where the lackeys usually sat and then leaned over inside the window to press at some kind of small balloon next to what looked like a helm. The sudden piercing sound made Lovino jump back in fear, and Antonio laughed jauntily. “This is a honk… or maybe he called it a car horn? I have no idea,” Antonio declared, flashing his white teeth. 

“Did you buy this crap?” Lovino asked. He hesitated next to the driver’s seat and stretched his head to look at said horn. “What are you supposed to do with it?” 

“Ride around,” Antonio replied, scratching his head. “Mr. Jones said there will be no need for horses and lackeys with this baby, and that it will be much faster to travel long distances with it. I couldn’t resist! He said this was going to be the machine of the future, the greatest invention of our century. Mr. Jones assured me it’s going to be really popular soon, and that I would be crazy if I didn’t get one before everybody else did!” 

Lovino scoffed, although it was impossible not to find Antonio’s enthusiasm for such bullshit kind of adorable. 

“And this is how you dupe people like you…” Lovino muttered. 

“What did you say?” Antonio asked getting on the driver’s seat, right in front of the steering wheel. Lovino shrugged and scrunched his nose, trying to understand how a car worked. He soon had to give up.

“How does it work?” Lovino asked then, and Antonio grinned at him, motioning to hop on the seat next to his. Lovino scratched the back of his neck, unsure, but when he saw Antonio bouncing in his seat like a kid on Christmas, Lovino decided to indulge him for once. He walked around the car and hesitantly put a foot inside the cabin, cursing slightly when Antonio yanked him by the arm and forced him to sit down next to him. 

“So what now?” Lovino asked clutching his seat. Antonio grinned again, pulled something from under the car horn, moved a cane sticking out between the two of them and laughed loudly when the car suddenly became alive. “Oh, no, no, no,” Lovino said shaking his head and almost hopping back on land. 

“Relax! Mr. Jones said is super-easy,” Antonio reassured him, did something with his feet and the car started to puff and waggle. Lovino’s eyes became wide as saucers as the machine suddenly jolted forwards. 

“What the fuck!” 

“Don’t worry. It’s perfectly normal,” Antonio said, and Lovino shot him a disbelieving look. The car stopped, jerked forwards again, and suddenly it was gaining speed, moving straight onwards to the closed front gates. “Okay… now, how do I turn this thing?” Antonio asked himself, and Lovino suddenly grabbed Antonio’s arm in fear. 

“Stop this thing!” Lovino shouted. “We are going to crash!” 

“Was it like this?” Antonio asked, eyes straight ahead, and abruptly stirred the wheel left, almost defenestrating Lovino from his seat. 

“Don’t do that again, you son of a bitch!” Lovino shouted in panic. 

“Maybe I should press this?” Antonio asked, and Lovino almost had a heart attack when the car started going faster. 

“Stop it!” Lovino shouted, and Antonio pressed one of the pedals under his feet with much more vigor than was strictly necessary. The car puffed in frustration and abruptly halted in the middle of the front yard, aggressively pushing them both of them forwards. Lovino and Antonio bumped their heads on the steel plate above them, and the car screeched to a stop. 

“You would have almost crashed us into the fountain,” Lovino said, slowly, staring at the fountain a feet away from the car’s bumper. Antonio stared right ahead too, but instead of looking as scared as Lovino did, he was kind of elated. 

“That was fun!” Antonio stated, and Lovino snapped his head to him. 

“Are you shitting me?” Lovino exclaimed, voice threatening hysteria. “You would have killed us both!” 

“Oh, come on,” Antonio shrugged him off and pointed at the fountain ahead. “We would have just flew out of here from the window and dived into the water. You know how to swim, right?” 

“You dive into the fountain then!” Lovino shouted, his voice escalating as he spoke. “Dive into it and crack your head open for all I care”. 

“You’re right…” Antonio trailed off, sending a worried glance towards the fountain. “It’s not like diving into the sea. It’s just a fountain”. 

“No shit!” Lovino exclaimed, and Antonio glanced at him. The sheepish smile Antonio threw his way was Lovino’s clue. “You are making fun of me, aren’t you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at the older man. When the grin grew wider in reply, Lovino groaned in frustration and punched Antonio on the arm. 

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad!” Antonio exclaimed and laughed. “You look so scared!” 

“I am going to kill you oh-so painfully!” Lovino snapped, abruptly turned and hopped off the car. Antonio followed suit, still laughing his head off. “Shup up!” Lovino shouted but it didn’t come up as harsh as he intended. 

All awkwardness between them suddenly, unexpectedly vanished. 

Lovino had no idea whether Antonio had done it on purpose or not, but realization hit him like a bucket of cold water on his head. Showing him the car and teasing him in that way had made Lovino finally feel at ease in Antonio’s presence and he became very conscious of the fine line between them. 

No servant would have ever dared to speak to his master as Lovino did, and no master would actually let him. Those years away from each other had actually pulled them closer, and a new phase of their relationship was now peeking over the horizon. Lovino didn’t know if he should fear this new dawn or not. The Matron wasn’t going to order him around anymore, that much was certain, but neither was Antonio. What did that made them?

Two years before, Antonio had actually listened to his wishes. 

Lovino was free to be a slave on his own conditions, even when he was technically serving another man living in town. This new role scared Lovino shitless. 

But when Antonio looked at him as if he had just seen a long-lost friend, opened his arms and silently said “welcome back”, Lovino couldn’t hold it against him. With a jolt, Lovino realized that he was too much of a coward to leave the guy again. 


	9. Chapter 9

### Chapter Nine

Arthur Kirkland was not a handsome man, but he could be defined as gorgeous nonetheless. Gorgeous in a very particular way, at least. The horribly big eyebrows made people avert their eyes from his otherwise beautiful green eyes; his lips were thin, his skin was pale, his nose a straight line. The common folk, however, was not remotely impressed by his looks. On the contrary, his wealth preceded his name. He was one of the richest heirs of the world; the typical connected fat cat with friends overseas. 

That was how Lovino saw him. He might have been a nice man in his personal life, funny even, but not at first glance and not in public. Lovino actually thought he looked terrifying, although he was nothing but a snob who was perfectly aware that the whole world was at his feet. 

He arrived to Carriedo’s mansion uninvited. He entered through the front door as if he owned the place, not even dignifying the Matron with a nod of his head. Lovino watched him make his way up the stairs to Carriedo’s room with the confidence of those who knew what they want and how to take it. Everybody was surprised by Kirkland’s sudden appearance, but nothing compared to the look of pure shock gracing Carriedo’s face when the blond man knocked at his door. It was obvious that this wasn’t just a friendly visit. Arthur Kirkland talked business, and he wanted to talk it out with Carriedo at a very inconvenient time. 

Some days before, Lovino had overheard a fight between the Matron and Antonio. Two years in Pasquale’s good graces had taught Lovino enough. In comparison to all that Lovino had to learn in order to survive, eavesdropping without being caught, and despite sturdy doors that worked wonders against spies and thieves, was child’s play. That was why Lovino managed not to miss a word and listened to the whole conversation without much of an effort. It was the Matron who did all the shouting, although she suffered from coughing fits whenever she raised her voice too high. 

“Mr. Adnan is going to take over soon, Mr. Carriedo. Your silly grudge is going to be the end of you heritance and good name. Business is not doing well, and this is not due to your leadership skills. It’s Mr. Adnan”. 

“He started it”. 

“Now, don’t be a baby,” the Matron reproached. “What would your family say? Mr. Adnan is going to win your petty war. Our accounts are drying up and our establishments overseas are closing down one by one,” she stopped to cough. 

Antonio took this opportunity to talk: “I think I will manage”. 

“Your incomes are falling, Mr. Carriedo,” the Matron stated when her coughing fit subsided. “It’s not only Mr. Adnan you have to worry about, but Mr. Kirkland as well and that new lad, Mr. Jones-!” 

“Oh, please. He is not going to achieve anything”. 

“Be that as it may, we need to cut expenses. May I remind you of the upcoming revolution, sir? This double whammy might be mitigated only by our personnel’s management and-!” 

“This revolution means nothing,” Antonio interrupted her. 

“No, sir, this revolution means everything. Empires are built on slavery, Mr. Carriedo, and a free man can take one down with a snap of his fingers”. 

Antonio remained silent, while the Matron started coughing again. Lovino took it as his clue to leave. 

It was impossible to forget Adnan’s threat, but Lovino never thought he would actually go through with it. Hearing the Matron’s words, however, made Lovino realize that things for Carriedo were taking a turn for the worse. Was Arthur Kirkland a new complication in Antonio’s already staggering business? Pasquale would like to know, but Lovino wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. 

While he didn’t know all the facts, he was certain that Kirkland’s unexpected visit was the Matron’s handiwork. Since the day Kirkland put roots in the guestroom, the Matron was eager to please him in any way she could, going as far as to smile politely at him and call him ‘my Lord’. Apparently, Kirkland was going through a very difficult transition in his life, but Lovino couldn’t see anything tragic in the other man’s demeanor. In the end, Lovino understood that the Matron hoped against all logic that Kirkland would help Carriedo out with his financial problems if treated kindly. His tragic backstory was nothing but a children’s fairytale, something she came up with to justify her unanticipated politeness. 

Arthur Kirkland stayed with them for two weeks, but Lovino met him in person only towards the end of his visit. He either spent all day long with Antonio in his study room or left first thing in the morning to go downtown. If the Matron hadn’t sent Lovino to clean up the study room twice a week, Lovino wouldn’t have had the chance to meet Kirkland at all. Every time they crossed paths, however, Arthur would look at him from head to toe, hard and scrutinizing like a lonely old spinster, and Antonio would promptly dismiss him to be alone with the blond Englishman. 

Lovino’s feelings for the guy were kind of contradictory. On the one hand, Kirkland acted as if he were the real owner of the house, pissing both Lovino and Antonio off. On the other hand, he was such a gentleman about it that it was hard to hold it against him. He was pleasurable with all maids and always replied when asked a question; all except for one, at least. 

“No one knows why he’s struggling exactly,” Bella confessed to Lovino one evening, right before they got into bed, “but I believe he has lost someone really important recently. He has the hunted look of a grieving man”. 

“I can’t see it,” Lovino said and he didn’t like it when Bella shot him a pitying look. “Anyway,” he changed subject, “do Antonio and him know each other long?” 

“Since they were kids, actually. They are the same age, but they never got along. It’s the first time I heard them speak politely to each other”. 

To say Lovino hated Antonio and Arthur’s relationship would be a huge understatement. The moment Arthur Kirkland got on stage Antonio stopped paying attention to Lovino, which made him incredibly jealous. Lovino wanted him out of the mansion, and soon, and it was only when Kirkland finally announced his departure that Lovino’s mood improved.

The night before Kirkland left for good, Lovino decided to pay a visit to Antonio’s study room, telling himself that this was his last chance to hear something of importance to communicate to Pasquale. It was quite late and there were no servants loitering in the corridors, so Lovino could stay out in the hall unseen. Much to his surprise, the door to Antonio’s room was slightly opened and a speck of light filtered through the door’s frames. What caught Lovino totally off guard, however, was the strange sound coming from inside the room, like a floorboard creaking under someone’s weight. 

Lovino’s heart started racing inside his chest, and he warily stepped closer to the source of the steady sounds. He peeked inside and almost fell down on his ass when he realized what exactly was taking place. Lovino couldn’t see much and he didn’t dare to push the door a little bit more to facilitate a better view of the room, but it was enough to break his heart into a million of tiny little pieces. He stared at Antonio’s shoulder blades rising and falling while his arms’ muscles tensed to keep a steady rhythm. Arthur tilted his head back, mouth slightly open and eyes tightly shut, sweat running down his forehead. Suddenly, Antonio moved to the side to push a strand of blond hair away from the other’s face, and the unexpected movement made them both moan in pleasure. Arthur slid his fingers down Antonio’s back, pushed him suddenly away and changed position. 

Lovino instantly hid behind the wall, covered in cold sweat. He put a hand on his chest as if forcing himself to slow his own heartbeat down. He didn’t dare to look inside the room again, but every noise, every moan and every muttered word made him sick in the stomach. Lovino wanted to barge into the room and put an end to this, but at the same time he knew he had no right to. 

So was he wrong? Arthur Kirkland was not here for business? Unless screwing each other was another way to reach agreement on a treaty, this was far from what Lovino supposed Kirkland’s real purposes were. Was Bella wrong? She said they didn’t get along, but you don’t go and kiss your worst enemy, do you? Be that as it may, Lovino was tempted to set fire to the mansion. He wanted to go take his gun and force Antonio away from Arthur’s body. What a silly thought. What a tantalizing thought. 

“Fuck, Arthur”. 

Lovino froze. He suddenly realized his cheeks were wet. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and stared at it with eyes wide with wonder. He wanted to scream. Break something. Go in and hit Antonio. He managed to repress his urges, but it didn’t last long. Feeling the sob trying to break free from his throat, Lovino scrammed down the corridor and out in the back garden. As soon the cold breeze hit his face, he burst out crying and he grabbed his hair to remind himself not to shout and to be as silent as possible. He was alone and empty, and he had no clue why. His body was sore, his eyes ached, he was trying hard to stay afloat and not succumb to his own pain but it was useless. For some reason, seeing Antonio and Arthur together had hurt him. 

***

The next morning Lovino was burdened by the appearance of two dark circles under his eyes. Bella didn’t comment on them, and Lovino kept silent as he helped her with breakfast. He didn’t even make a sound of protest when Bella politely asked him to take a tray filled with pastries and hot tea up to the guestroom where Arthur resided. He was almost tempted to spit into the other’s tea and call it a draw, but gulped down his pride and did as told. He was sure that that whore wouldn’t even notice the difference in taste, for his mouth was already sullied, but he couldn’t find in him to do it. 

He wordlessly climbed the stairs and hung his head low when he met the Matron halfway up. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her and he almost tripped on the steps in his haste to get away from her inquiring stare. He was too weak to walk. He was so pathetic that the white cup rattled in the tray when his hands started shaking underneath it. Yearning to get over with this whole ordeal soon, Lovino kept going and barged inside the guestroom without asking for permission. 

Arthur jumped up in surprise and looked up at him in wonder when Lovino unceremoniously put the tray on the round table by the window. Arthur had been checking through his luggage before his long trip back home and was still holding a piece of garment in his hands when Lovino made his appearance. He dropped it back in his open suitcase and turned around to thank Lovino for the tea. 

Lovino stared at him, his nose scrunching up in disgust, and nodded slightly before turning on his heels to leave. Arthur, however, had other plans for him. 

“We never had the chance to talk,” Arthur said, and Lovino stilled mid-way. “You are Romano Vargas’ kid, aren’t you?” 

Lovino glanced at Arthur over his shoulder and was taken aback when he saw that the Englishman was smiling. 

“You look terribly alike,” Arthur said, his strong accent catching Lovino’s interest. “You have the same hair, the same eyes, the same angered expression...” Arthur trailed off sitting comfortably on his sofa. Lovino finally turned around to face him head on and he tilted his neck to the right, raising his eyebrows in question. 

“You knew my father?” Lovino asked and blinked in confusion when a look of disbelief crossed Arthur’s face. 

“Blimey, lad, everyone knew your father!” Arthur exclaimed, chuckling. Lovino’s face dropped, and Arthur’s eyes bugged out in amazement. “Don’t tell me you don’t know that your father was kind of a god to most of us?” 

“A god?” Lovino repeated and snorted. “He was just a farmer”. 

“Just a farmer?” Arthur asked, disbelief written all over his face. Lovino stared at Arthur as if he had sprouted a second head, and Arthur shook his head, obviously disappointed in him. “Your father was a git, but a great man, and a very competitive one at that,” Arthur explained after a moment of silence. “He was the wealthiest businessman our families ever had the displeasure to meet. So powerful, every company and every landowner feared to stand in his way. It was better to be his friend, rather than his enemy”. 

Lovino started breathing rapidly, enraptured by Arthur’s description of his father. He didn’t recognize the man that had raised him in Arthur’s words, but he didn’t doubt for a second that Arthur was indeed telling the truth. 

“Pardon my French, but Romano Vargas was a pain in the ass. He tried to take over my family business more than once. He beat us at our own game at least twice, and of course the Carriedos too had their own deal of problems with him. I was too young to remember the details, but Antonio’s family teetered on the brink of bankruptcy because of him. They still had unfinished business with Vargas when your father suddenly disappeared from the face of Earth”. 

“So Antonio knows him too,” Lovino said, more as a statement than a question, but Arthur nodded regardless. 

“Oh, Antonio hated him with a passion,” Arthur explained. “I did too, of course, and a lot of other people, but I can’t help but admire him all the same. Your father was the kind of man you could love and envy at the same time. Many strive to become like him, including Antonio”. 

Lovino breathed deep. He felt the blood leave his face and he tried his best to keep standing even when he wanted nothing more than sit down and regain composure. Everything suddenly made sense. Everyone knew him -Pasquale, Antonio, Arthur, the Matron, the guards- because he was Romano Vargas’ kid. Lovino was a celebrity. 

“Antonio…” Lovino mumbled. 

“Are you doing well, lad?” Arthur interrupted him, but Lovino waved him off. 

“How much did Antonio know him?” Lovino asked. 

“As much as we all did,” Arthur explained, taken aback by the question. “I was sure you knew, since he bought you and all. Personally, I didn’t think Antonio had the guts to do it. Take Romano Vargas’ kid, I mean, but… here you are”. 

Lovino was suffocating. He needed fresh air. 

“It’s silly to keep a grudge sometimes,” Arthur continued. “It’s something Antonio and I always argued about”. 

Lovino couldn’t breathe. 

“It’s a pity your father lost his fortune and abandoned us all twenty years ago. I suppose he met your mother and decided to turn his life around. I can’t blame him, really”. 

Lovino looked at Arthur straight in the eyes and his stomach made a flip when Arthur smiled at him. When the guy let himself go, he was gorgeous. Lovino had to give him that. It was now clear why Antonio wanted him. 

“Rumor has it that your father lost everything to a landowner from Germany, but we can’t know for sure. Anyway,” he let out a sigh, “I know it’s a bit late, lad, but I’m sincerely sorry for your loss”. 

“Yeah…” Lovino managed to croak. His chest ached. Why didn’t his father say anything? Why did he keep his sons in the dark? Or was it only Lovino? Did Feliciano know? He knew, didn’t he? His dad loved him more. His dad had asked Lovino to fetch the wood, not Feliciano. Feliciano had stayed behind with him until he took his last breath. Not Lovino. Not Lovino. 

“I think I should call someone,” Arthur said standing up. “You don’t look too well”. 

“I’m fine,” Lovino blurted out. The sofa was just a blurry spot in his vision. Antonio knew his father. Antonio knew who Lovino was. It wasn’t a coincidence. Antonio had bought him for a reason.

Antonio didn't care about Lovino. 

All lies.

The pressure of hands squeezing his shoulders shoved him out of his thoughts, and Lovino looked up at Arthur in fear. The Englishman studied his face, and Lovino batted his hands away before he could get too close. Lovino needed to get out of there, before Antonio caught him with Arthur. He needed to run away. 

“I’m fine,” Lovino repeated. “I’m leaving, but-!” he bit his lips. There was something else bothering him, but he wasn’t sure he could ask. Arthur stared at him, expectantly, and Lovino lowered his head. 

“I actually caught you and Antonio…” he started, but right when he gained the courage to continue, he heard the door creak open behind him. 

“Lovino?” 

Antonio was the last person Lovino needed to see right then. The only person who could make him crumble to dust entered the guestroom without a warning, and Lovino noticed Arthur’s eyes shift from him to the man standing right behind them. Lovino didn’t dare to look. He fixed his gaze on his shoes and bit his lips hard to refrain himself from screaming. His eyes stung so bad he wanted to gauge them out. When he heard Antonio take a tentative step forwards, Lovino turned on his heels and bolted out the door without looking back. 

He made a bee line to the main hall and stretched his hands to the front door’s handle when Antonio suddenly called his name again. Lovino didn’t stop; he opened the door and stepped outside, past the guards and the fountain. He picked up his pace when he heard Antonio shout his name again and started fiddling with the gate’s locks. 

“Lovino! Lovino, stop!” Antonio ordered him, and Lovino cursed under his breath. Unexpectedly, the guards didn’t come to drag him back inside. On his second attempt, Lovino finally managed to open the gates and step outside. Nevertheless, he didn’t manage to make more than two steps that Antonio finally caught up with him. 

“For the love of God!” Lovino exclaimed when Antonio grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him to face him. Antonio opened his mouth to say something but jumped back in surprise when he saw the way Lovino’s eyes were throwing daggers at him. 

“Damn it,” Lovino cursed, shoved Antonio away and started walking towards the woods again. “Damn you, damn you, damn you!” 

Antonio’s hand wrapped around Lovino’s right arm again, and Lovino was yanked back into his embrace. Lovino struggled free and clenched his teeth in anger. 

“Lovino-!” Antonio started, and when Lovino took a glimpse of Antonio’s perplexed smile, he felt even worse. 

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Lovino exclaimed pointing an accusing finger at Antonio. Lovino reminded himself that this man was his master, but he couldn’t care less. He might be overreacting like he always did, but he couldn’t deny he was hurting all over. He was full of rage and he needed to take it out on someone before he exploded. “That’s not my name, you bastard!” 

Antonio’s surprise by his reaction was the last thing Lovino needed to see. How could that bastard pretend to like Lovino throughout these years? Why did he look so concerned when all Carriedo had wanted to do from the very beginning was destroy him? 

“What’s wrong?” Antonio asked, voice so soft it made Lovino want to fall on his knees and cry. 

“I saw you what you two did last night!” Lovino exclaimed even when that wasn’t what he really wanted to say. He needed to stall him. He needed to break free, and fast! At his outburst, Antonio's eyes went wide, and he let go of Lovino as if burnt. 

“Lovino, we-!” Antonio tried again, but Lovino violently shook his head no. 

“That’s not the point, damn it!” Lovino shouted, his face heating up. “The worst thing is- is- you knew my father!” he finally blurted out. “Why do you keep hurting me like this?” he asked, voice reaching hysterics. “You knew my father! You had some kind of grunge against him and that’s why you wanted me here! You didn’t want a servant,” he spat the name as if it was poison, “or a sex toy or whatever I was fucking supposed to be. You wanted to take my father over through me! Oh, my God. What if it had been Feliciano? You fucking monster. You wanted to feel powerful by subjugating a child? You’re so fucked up! Did you want to make me your propriety so that you could somehow dominate my father? Or did you want to _be_ my father? Sick. Sick. Sick. Did you want me to look up to you like you were the most important man in the world like my father was?” Lovino burst out in tears. His throat ached from all the yelling, but he felt so lost he had no idea he had been yelling in the first place. “I hate you, you motherfucker! What the fuck do you want to do with me? You already have a whore waiting for you in the guestroom, so what the-!” 

The sudden slap made Lovino abruptly inhale. His heart made a flip in his chest, and he finally came back to his senses. Antonio laid his hands over Lovino’s shoulders, and Lovino looked up at him, lips slightly parted, ready to start shouting again. 

“He means nothing to me, Lovino,” Antonio said with a soft tone of voice. 

“Apparently no one does,” Lovino spat back. A guilty look flashed across Antonio’s face, and Lovino averted his eyes. He might have stepped too far. 

“Lovino,” Antonio whispered. Lovino kept his eyes on the ground, but when Antonio tilted his chin upwards with two fingers, Lovino found the courage to look up at him again. “I want you to remember this,” Antonio said, his green eyes brimming with honesty. “I am not what people say I am. I never thought of children in that way, but- but-!” 

Lovino furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and he touched his sore cheek as if that could somehow remind him he was indeed witnessing this. 

“But it’s true that I…” Antonio trailed off, and Lovino suddenly realized how much it pained Antonio to admit the truth. He had no reason to apologize, being the master and all, but there he was. “It’s true I wanted to- to somehow vindicate my family, but it’s not like that anymore. I don’t want to use you. I don’t want to dominate you. You are not your father. You have nothing to do with him, and yet you are… to me you are much more powerful than him”. 

Lovino stared at Antonio in awe. 

“Your father might be the reason why you are here,” Antonio said, “but he has nothing to do with how I feel about you now. That was- that was unexpected”. 

Lovino gulped down and drifted his gaze towards the tip of his shoes, so close to Antonio’s ones. He didn’t flinch when Antonio softly cupped his face and moved his face upwards. His breath didn’t hitch when Antonio pressed a tentative kiss on Lovino’s bruised cheek. 

“I am so sorry,” Antonio whispered right into his ear, and Lovino closed his eyes. 

“What about…” Lovino tried to ask but he could find the words. Still, Antonio understood, and he pressed another kiss on his cheek, an apology of sorts. 

“Arthur means nothing to me,” Antonio confessed, pulling Lovino closer to him. “We both can’t have what we want, and it’s easier like that”. 

Lovino suddenly jerked his head upwards right when Antonio leaned down to press another kiss on his wet cheek. His lips caught Lovino’s ones and when that happened, Lovino started shaking. Antonio abruptly moved away, but Lovino held him close by grabbing the front of his shirt. He was going to die, he was sure of it. 

And his heart did stop when Antonio kissed his slightly open mouth immediately after. It was different than kissing Maria. It was much more fulfilling, and Lovino yanked Antonio closer and deepened the kiss to forget what exactly he was doing. He hated that Antonio’s body fit perfectly against him. 

It was strange. He was kissing his fucking boss. 

It was awful. He was kissing his captor.

It was wonderful. He was kissing Antonio.

It took Lovino all his self-will to finally push Antonio away, but when Antonio gazed at him under half-lidded eyelids, Lovino didn’t know how long he could go without kissing Antonio again. His lips were tingling. 

He was losing control. Damn his hormones. Damn his age. Damn everything. Lovino moved around Antonio and ran back inside the mansion. He was angry. He was furious. But at the same time his body was longing for Antonio's touch, and why was that? 

Antonio had confessed. Lovino wasn’t a slave by chance. He was forced to be one because his father used to be a wealthy businessman. 

At the same time, Lovino didn’t care. Not now, at least. Now he just wanted more of Antonio. 

Lovino groaned in frustration and hid in the kitchens for the rest of the day. Damn Antonio to hell and back. Damn Lovino for being so weak. Damn Arthur Kirkland for being so brutally honest. 

Damn his heart. 

Damn his heart. 

Damn his heart. 


	10. Chapter 10

###  Chapter Ten

One of his father’s favorite bedtime stories was one about a girl finding a box; Pandora was her name. The plot twist of this story was that once you opened the box there was no going back. Sickness, envy, hate and all type of crimes flew out of the box devastating the world and leaving Pandora behind crying. She tried to find a way to amend but to no avail. 

Lovino always got the moral of the story wrong and told his dad that, if the Gods didn’t want Pandora to find the box, they shouldn’t have left it around unattended in the first place. It was obvious Pandora would look inside –who wouldn’t? - and the girl should have stopped giving a damn the moment she saw the first monster crawl out of it. 

“She should have kept walking,” Lovino reasoned. 

“But could she?” his father asked. 

Now Lovino knew that she couldn’t. He was living Pandora’s drama on his own skin. He realized that the Gods want you to find the box sometimes; if you open it or not it’s not that important. The point is that sometimes it’s not your fault for finding the box. When all this mess started, Lovino had not wanted to find the box. Someone put it on his path: Antonio did, because he was much crueler than he looked on the outside and wanted revenge. His father did, because he had kept a big secret from their own sons and didn’t warn them of the possibilities. Pasquale did, because he knew who Lovino was and probably wanted to exploit his name as well. 

Lovino just happened to stumble on it. His father had tried to warn him with his favorite bedtime story, but Lovino had not understood. Now he was screwed, and there was no going back. He could cry and despair as much as he wanted, but now he was in too deep. He couldn’t swim to safety. He couldn’t stop giving a damn and keep walking. He was as weak as Pandora had been; only she managed to scrape the bottom of the box and find Hope waiting for her. Lovino scrapped too but there was nothing there for him. Just darkness. 

The kiss was the bottom of the box. 

Lovino wanted to call it an accident; Antonio regarded it as a great source of enjoyment and cause for celebration. Lovino wanted to avoid Antonio like the plague, but his master would always be there, tempting him. Antonio didn’t have the decency to make up a good excuse and pretend it had not happened. Lovino tried but came up with nothing. 

All in all, they were both idiots. 

Two days after they kissed, Antonio purposely went to find Lovino in the back garden, while the latter tended to his tomato field all on his own. Nathan wasn’t there, as he had left earlier in the morning to accompany Bella to town. Antonio came up next to him stealthy as a feline and wished him a good day, and Lovino nearly jumped out of his skin, startled. As soon as Lovino realized who it was, his heart dropped. Antonio stood behind him, all smiles, and when he asked Lovino if he wanted some help, Lovino’s eyes became as wide as saucers. 

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Lovino asked. His knuckles paled; he was clasping his pruning shears with much more force than necessary. 

“Why not?” Antonio asked, ignoring the doubtful look that flashed across Lovino’s face. “I’m eating too. Shouldn’t I help?” 

“Then why did you buy slaves and hired simple servants in the first place?” Lovino asked, eyebrow twitching in annoyance. “You should have thought of it earlier. Just admit that you liked the idea of doing absolutely nothing but scratch your head and laugh like an idiot”. 

To say Lovino was surprised when Antonio laughed would be an understatement. 

“That was mean,” Antonio said, without malice in his voice, “but I guess it’s true”. 

“Yeah, well…” Lovino stuttered. Antonio’s presence made him uneasy. “I don’t care if it was mean. Leave me alone,” he barked and turned back to his tomato plant to hide the blush on his cheeks. 

“You are angry about the other day,” Antonio said. A sentence that sounded very much like a question. Lovino’s breath hitched, and he dropped the pruners on the ground in surprise. He tried to pick them up, but Antonio moved faster. Wordlessly, he kneeled next to Lovino and wrapped his fingers around the gardening tool. Lovino stared at him, and Antonio gently put the pruners back in Lovino’s open hand. 

His fingertips softly caressed Lovino’s wrists as he did so, and Lovino’s lips slightly parted at the sudden touch. Did he want to insult him? Lovino had no idea. He remained silent, and when Antonio’s mouth quirked into a soft smile, Lovino casted his eyes down. 

“Are you angry?” Antonio asked again. His hand rose from Lovino’s wrist to Lovino’s cheek, cupping it gently, and Lovino fought hard against the urge to lean into his palm. He stepped abruptly backwards instead. 

“I- I- w-well,” Lovino hated the way he stuttered. “I’m always angry at you”. 

“I know,” Antonio said, and Lovino gulped. He searched for an answer, something that could make Antonio understand that they shouldn’t proceed on that dangerous path, but came up with nothing. He was actually glad when he heard the Matron’s loud coughing approaching them. Lovino dropped the pruners again, instinctively grabbing Antonio’s arm, and pulled him away and into the log cabin. 

“What-!” Antonio protested loudly, but Lovino slammed a hand over the other’s mouth and left the door partially open behind them, closed enough so that he could see what the Matron was going to do without being caught hiding. 

“Shut up for a sec!” Lovino exclaimed in an angry whisper, and Antonio did. Lovino peeked outside: the Matron had already taken her first few steps out the door and into the back garden. She let her eyes wander around her, and put her hands on her thinning waist with a confused look on her pale face. She slowly walked towards the tomato field when she spotted the pruners lying on the ground and shook her head in disappointment. The Matron tried to pick them up, but a violent coughing fic refrained her from bending all the way down. She straightened back up, and Lovino noticed with horror that the Matron had started coughing blood. 

Nevertheless, Lovino didn’t try to move out of his hiding place and stayed completely still until the Matron returned back inside. When she did, Lovino finally let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He suddenly remembered that his hand was still over Antonio’s mouth and he retracted it as if burnt. Finally free to speak again, Antonio peeked out from the slightly open door and grinned widely at Lovino. 

“You really hate her, don’t you?” he asked, clearly amused by Lovino’s antics. 

Lovino shot him a disbelieving look but when he realized just how close the two were standing, he immediately averted his eyes again. The log cabin wasn’t big enough for two grown men and the gardening tools, so Lovino couldn’t move around without crashing onto something. Antonio was practically pressing his chest on Lovino’s side, and Lovino bit his lip hard in his haste to get out of that confined space. Antonio, however, had other plans. 

Lovino arched his eyebrow in question when Antonio softly pulled him by the arm and moved around to face him. It was in that moment that Lovino made a horrible mistake and gazed into Antonio’s green eyes. The urgent need to tilt his head and press his lips against Antonio’s was Lovino’s death sentence. He tried to resist temptation; the butterflies, the knot in his stomach were his warning. Now or never. Leave now or stay and face the consequences. 

“Lovino,” Antonio breathed his name, and Lovino blinked up at him as if hypnotized. The bastard. Manipulating. Cruel. Lying. Sadist. How could someone like him be so gentle? “There is a reason why I came to find you today,” Antonio continued, as if his mere presence had no effect on Lovino. As if he didn’t know how much Lovino wanted him. 

“I thought you just wanted to piss me off,” Lovino spat, quite proud of himself when the words came out as harsh as he wanted them to be. Antonio kept smiling, unaffected. He was used to it. Or maybe, he just knew when to read between the lines. Lovino was afraid to ask. 

“No, not really,” Antonio confessed, and Lovino watched him take the gold cross necklace off and put it around Lovino’s neck. The cross was warm against Lovino’s skin, almost hot. 

“I know it’s your birthday in a week,” Antonio explained following Lovino’s hand with his eyes as the younger man raised it to touch his gift. “I’ve been celebrating it for the past two years, but now I can finally give you a birthday present too”. 

The cross rose and fell, locking rhythm to Lovino’s pulse. His first birthday gift. 

“It’s been mine since I was a little boy,” Antonio continued. “Now it’s yours”. 

“You can’t buy me with this,” Lovino stated. “You know that. I won’t forgive what you did to me just because you gave me this”. 

“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” Antonio said, so brutally honest it made Lovino regret snapping at him. “It’s just a birthday present. I’m giving it to you because I want you to have it. From now on you can’t do whatever you wish with it”. 

And then it all just got fucked up. 

Lovino stopped caring. 

Lovino peeked inside the box and the first monster crawled out. The second monster pushed him into Antonio’s arms, and Lovino gladly complied. 

The third monster whispered into Lovino’s ear and told him to kiss Antonio. Lovino did. 

He shot his arms around the other’s shoulders and pulled him violently to him, slamming their mouths together. Antonio’s hands were suddenly everywhere, in his hair, on his back, just above the tailbone, on his chest, back in his hair. He couldn’t breathe, but at the same time he didn’t want to pull away to take a breath. Antonio’s tongue was in his mouth, exploring. Lovino tasted him back. Lovino wanted to lie down and take things just a little step further. No space. No time to think. Lovino didn’t want to think. Antonio kept devouring his mouth. How did things escalated so quickly? Lovino softly pulled away to breath, and Antonio’s lips followed his. He felt like smirking. He had the upper hand. The cross burnt against his skin. Lovino gave in and kissed Antonio again, properly this time, less messy, more in control. Antonio moaned. 

“You don’t know what you do to me”. 

Who said that? Lovino thought it was Antonio, but at the same time it could have been him. Who knew. Who cared. Lovino sucked Antonio’s bottom lip. 

“Don’t let me change my mind,” Lovino whispered. This time he knew it was him who spoke. Antonio circled his arms around Lovino’s waist. Lovino could reach out for a pair of pruners and stab Antonio’s back. He didn’t. Now, do it now when Antonio is vulnerable. His heart beat fast against his chest. Lovino just wanted to keep kissing him. 

And then suddenly Lovino was kissing air. 

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?” Nathan booming voice shook Lovino out his reverie. He jumped back in fear when Nathan grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the log cabin. Antonio was already outside. His lips were swollen and there was a telltale bruise on his collarbone. 

Nathan’s angered eyes flickered between the two of them, and Lovino felt small and insignificant under Nathan’s stare. He opened his mouth to defend himself, but shut it immediately after when he couldn’t come up with a good excuse for his behavior. 

“What were you doing?” Nathan hissed, directed at Antonio and put himself between the two of them. Lovino bit his lip, utterly embarrassed, but Antonio couldn’t snap out of his lust induced haze to react properly to Nathan’s silent threat. “He is just a kid!” Nathan shouted, and Lovino winced in fear. 

“Sorry,” Antonio muttered. “I’ve got the wrong guy”. 

Lovino snorted into his hand, but Nathan didn’t find it just as funny. 

“Listen,” Nathan growled, pointing an accusing finger at Antonio’s chest. “You can be my master and all, but don’t dare touch Lovino again. Ever,” he threatened him. Antonio nodded. 

“Don’t worry,” he said, although he didn’t look guilty at all. 

“I won’t hesitate,” Nathan continued, and Antonio nodded again, as if he knew what Nathan meant. Lovino did not, but he didn’t dare to oppose Nathan as openly as Antonio did. 

Antonio shot Lovino a meaningful look, and despite everything, Lovino felt the smile softly grow across his face. Nathan took a step closer to the younger boy, and Antonio snapped his attention to Nathan again. Finally, he turned around and left. 

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Nathan whispered angrily when Antonio was out of sight. Lovino looked up at his friend, and his heart skipped a beat when he noticed how upset Nathan actually was. He crossed his arms over his chest in defiance and shrugged. 

“Nothing,” he blurted. Lovino tugged the collar of his shirt and hid the golden cross from Nathan’s enquiring stare. 

“Don’t indulge him anymore,” Nathan ordered. “You don’t know what his real intentions are”. 

Lovino wanted to tell him he knew very well, but kept his mouth shut. When Nathan realized that Lovino wasn’t going to dignify him with an answer, his shoulders slouched with defeat. 

“Anyway,” Nathan said, sounding tired. “The Matron was searching for you to give you this, but she couldn’t find you anywhere”. 

Lovino knitted his eyebrows in confusion when Nathan reached out for his back pocket and handed him an envelope. He inspected it front and back and tore it open. 

"What is it?" Lovino asked, curious, and stared at the letter in his hands as if it were the first time he saw one. The only ones to ever receive letters in the mansion were either Antonio or the Matron. 

Nathan shrugged and frantically patted his chest in search of his cigarettes. He still looked pretty pissed off and his fingers shook when he lit a match. Lovino shifted his attention back to the letter and stared at the nice handwriting more confused than before. 

“I don’t know how to read,” Lovino said looking up at Nathan again. “How do you know it’s for me?” he asked. 

“Your name is on the back,” Nathan pointed out, taking a drag, but when he noticed Lovino’s eyes brimming with tears, his voice softened: “Give it to me, Lovino”. 

Lovino looked at Nathan expectantly as the other started carefully reading Lovino’s letter. Nathan’s eyes scanned the letter twice, so fast Lovino couldn’t keep track of them. He wondered how he could do it. All Lovino could see were strange symbols and stains, black on white paper, chicken scratches that made no sense whatsoever; but if he was jealous of Nathan for being able to read, nothing compared to the envy he felt when the older man said: 

“I didn’t know you had a brother”. 

“Feliciano wrote me?” Lovino asked, astounded, and widened his eyes at the letter. There was nothing in those nicely written symbols that could have unmasked their author. Feliciano could read and write like a gentleman; he couldn’t. He was nothing but a farmer with a handgun hidden under a lemon tree. He didn’t know how to feel about this, and yet, Lovino was glad Feliciano had taken his time and remembered him. Feliciano hadn’t forgotten about him. 

“What does it say?” Lovino asked holding onto Nathan’s arm for support. “Did he really write it?” 

“Apparently yes,” Nathan said and caressed Lovino’s head with his free hand. “He says he misses you a lot and that he is coming to take you back”. 

“What?” Lovino breathed. Nathan patted him on the head like a small child, and Lovino tightened his grip on the older man. “What? Is he free?” he asked again, nothing but a whisper. 

“He is,” Nathan said softly. “He doesn’t work for…” he read the name under his breath once before he recited it out-loud again, “… Mr. Roderich anymore. He is part of the Resistance now”. 

“The Resistance?” Lovino repeated. He couldn’t understand. He grabbed the letter and skipped his eyes over the words, trying to decipher them, but they meant nothing to him. 

“I didn’t know the Resistance was actually a thing,” Nathan said, blowing smoke out of his nose. He dropped the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it with the tip of his shoe. “It’s reckless from your brother’s part to mention it so casually in a letter. He should be more careful”. 

“He’s always been a dummy,” Lovino said and wiped a drop of water from the paper with the back of his hand. Nathan caressed his head, and Lovino wiped a traitorous tear rolling down his right eye with his index. “Once, he almost drowned in a river because he wanted to save a baby bunny. Don’t fucking ask how”. 

“I won’t,” Nathan said. “Anyway, I like bunnies too”. 

“W-well…” Lovino chuckled in embarrassment. "What's the Resistance, anyway?" 

“They are guerilla fighters,” Nathan explained, “people who support equality and freedom, who would stop at nothing to abolish slavery. They are the ones who started to spread the idea that North and South should be one country again”. 

“Bullshit,” Lovino swore, suddenly angry. He kicked a pebble with his right shoe and watched it roll away from them and disappear into the tomato field. “This country has always been divided, and slaves are always going to be slaves,” Lovino argued. “Does he actually have something smart to say in here?” Lovino inquired. 

“Your brother is planning to be here by the end of summer,” Nathan said after shooting a dubious look at Lovino. The younger boy scoffed and crumpled the letter up, shoving it into his back pocket. 

“Burn it,” Nathan advised. “If anyone finds it on you, it can mean serious trouble for both you and your brother,” he warned him. “Especially your brother,” he added after a moment of thought. 

“Whatever,” Lovino said, rolling his eyes to the sky, and went back to his tomatoes. 

He was furious. On the one hand he was going to meet Feliciano again; on the other hand he didn’t want to see him, not now that he knew what kind of man Feliciano had become. He was younger, cultured and a member of a very serious organization. He had managed to break free before his brother did. And Lovino? Lovino, who went by the name of Romano Vargas Jr. whenever he wasn’t messing around in that stupid mansion? 

Romano was a petty thief. A flirt. A slave. A fucking murderer. A cocksucker. Why? Because he was fucking weak, that’s why. And whose fault was that? Antonio’s. Maybe if Feliciano had been in his place… if Lovino had been in Feliciano’s place… 

Lovino absentmindedly started playing with the cross necklace around his neck. It was the first time someone ever gifted him with something. No, that wasn’t true. Bella always baked waffles and cakes for his birthday, but this was different. This was completely unexpected. This was real gold, something he could keep forever. Maybe Antonio had lied again in order to buy Lovino’s affection, and, honestly, Lovino had repaid him well, more than well, in fact. But what if Feliciano had been in his place? Feliciano would have been the one playing with a golden cross instead. Antonio had liked him better, hadn’t he? Feliciano wouldn’t have put up a fight. Feliciano wouldn’t have run away. He wouldn’t have become a murderer. And Lovino would know how to read and how to write. Lovino wouldn’t be part of the Resistance. Lovino would still be serving Mr. Roderich. 

When Lovino raised his head he realized that Nathan was nowhere in sight. The sun was going down, and soon Lovino would have to leave his tomato field to go help Bella with dinner. 

Lovino heaved a sight and reached out for Feliciano’s letter, but then thought better of it. He didn’t want to see it. When Lovino would go back to the kitchen, he would burn it in a stove. Gone, forever. 

He suddenly heard steps approaching and someone said: “Are you alone?” 

“Not anymore,” Lovino spat, but it lacked its usual harshness. He turned around to face Antonio head on and took a step forwards, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Antonio smiled, reached out for his hands and squeezed them in his. Lovino wanted to go away. If only he could. If only. 

“Lovino, I’m sorry about before,” Antonio said. “We really shouldn’t”. 

“I know you want it,” Lovino said. 

“Are you still angry at me?” Antonio asked. 

“Will you do me a favor?” Lovino asked instead, ignoring Antonio’s question. Antonio looked momentarily taken aback, but then smiled brightly at him and encouraged him to continue with a nod of his head. Lovino licked his lips. 

“W-would you…” he stuttered, blushing slightly under Antonio’s loving gaze. “Would you- well”. 

“Whatever you need,” Antonio said and caressed Lovino’s knuckles with his thumb. 

“I want to learn to read,” Lovino finally blurted. “And write, of course”. 

“Certainly,” Antonio conceded. “Up in my old study room I have all the writing tools you might-!”

“Tomorrow,” Lovino interrupted him. “Now, can you write the first letter of the alphabet right now?” he asked, suddenly agitated. He pulled Antonio’s hand and brought him to the lonely lemon tree in the middle of the garden. “Can you write the first letter of the alphabet right here?” he asked, pointing at the trunk of the tree. 

Antonio cocked his head to the side in confusion, but proceeded to do as told. He left Lovino’s hand and kneeled down to pull out a small dagger from a hidden sheath strapped to his calf. Without waiting for Lovino’s orders, he started engraving a small arrow pointing upwards on the tree. 

“This is the capital ‘a’,” Antonio explained tapping at the engraving with the tip of his dagger. Lovino studied it, fascinated, and ran his fingers over it. 

“A, like Antonio,” Lovino whispered. Antonio beamed. 

“That’s right!” 

Lovino didn’t tear his gaze away from that letter. How appropriate, Lovino thought. An A like Antonio carved into the lemon tree’s trunk. An A to remind Lovino of Antonio. An A to remind him he was a slave. To him. 

“But I can’t carve all the letters on this poor tree!” Antonio exclaimed, laughing. “I promise you I will teach you to read and write, but not here. It’s more convenient doing it in the study room”. 

Lovino snorted. 

“I know, I’m not an idiot,” Lovino said. 

“I didn’t say you were,” Antonio retorted, putting his dagger away. 

How appropriate, Lovino thought again. Now even the lemon tree was officially Antonio’s, branded, like Lovino was. Its trunk belonged to Antonio like Lovino’s heart did. 

“You won,” Lovino wanted to tell Antonio when the latter leaned down and pressed a kiss to the nape of Lovino’s head. 

Lovino turned around and leant against the tree, feeling the carving scratch his back. Antonio stepped forwards, and Lovino welcomed the kiss with open arms. 

You won. I opened your fucking Pandora’s box. You won. 


	11. Chapter 11

###  Chapter Eleven 

One of Antonio Fernández Carriedo’s best features was that he always kept his promises. Lovino was extremely skeptical about this and he could scarcely believe his eyes when, the very next morning, Antonio walked all the way down to the kitchen just to remind him of their upcoming reading-and-writing class. In fact, Lovino stopped believing this was a well thought-out prank only when Antonio lined all his writing utensils up on a row on his desk, sat down where Mr. Cricket used to sit and beckoned Lovino over to him. It was Lovino’s cue to get down to business. 

To Carriedo, writing and reading was obviously child’s play, but as soon as Lovino got his hand on a pen, he realized that, to an illiterate, it was much more complicated than it seemed at first glance. The younger boy smudged ink on every page while he tried to copy Antonio’s calligraphy. The ‘a’ was not a problem, but the ‘b’, the ‘h’ and the ‘g’ were, and Lovino was afraid to find out what the rest of the alphabet looked like. By the end of his first lesson, though, Lovino was able to recognize at least three letters out of five, and when he went back to Bella, he sketched what he learnt on the spilled flour on the countertop again and again to commit them all to memory.

It took Lovino a couple of weeks before he could recognize two thirds of the alphabet, and still he couldn’t read as fast as Antonio did. His letters were chicken scratch compared to Feliciano’s delicate calligraphy, but Lovino was not disappointed. Albeit slowly, he was starting to make sense of Feliciano’s letter. Step by step Lovino would be able to even write back. 

Lovino was grateful for Antonio’s unlimited patience. He didn’t raise his voice, he answered all of Lovino’s questions and handled the teen’s constant complaining well. Sometimes Lovino decided out of the blue that writing wasn’t worth the trouble, and Antonio would patiently wait for Lovino to calm down before they started again. There was only one way Antonio could quickly soothe Lovino’s frayed nerves, and it was by playing his guitar. 

Antonio reassured him that slow progress was better than no progress, and Lovino would stare at him in awe, because everyone knew how easily Antonio flied off the handle. He had lost his temper with Adnan and Kirkland and sometimes even with the Matron herself, and yet he managed to keep his calm when dealing with Lovino. If it was another trick to make Lovino like him, Lovino didn’t know. It was kind of paranoid even for him. 

Another thing Lovino was grateful for was that Antonio didn’t try to take advantage of their proximity when Lovino studied. In fact, their relationship hadn’t changed much since they started occasionally kissing. Lovino approached the older man as he always did, and Antonio teased him without any sign of malevolence. But the more the two spent time together, the more Lovino realized there was no way they could keep their hands off each other for long. Lovino would often catch himself smiling when Antonio was around. A compliment and Lovino would get those infamous butterflies in his stomach. He was crazy; Lovino had lost all self-control, but sometimes he wished they could continue like this, forget they were still master and slave and pretend that the world wasn’t changing out of that door, that they could be happy eventually. 

Lovino tried to resist him. Nathan’s worry and Bella’s quizzical looks should have been a good incentive but it was not enough. They were protecting him, but Lovino was still convinced he could protect himself. He would never give his all to Antonio; he didn’t completely trust him. Lovino promised himself he was going to make it on his own, but he was not as good as Antonio in keeping his promises. 

If Antonio leaned down to kiss him, Lovino met him halfway. 

Whenever Lovino finished helping Bella with breakfast preparations, Bella would immediately ask him to complete a task for her in order to keep him away from Antonio. Lovino boiled with anger: he snapped at her and tried his best to annoy her so that he could finally join Antonio in his study room. Bella read right through him. Nathan already knew. 

No matter how many times Lovino told her that Antonio was nothing but his teacher, Bella didn’t believe him. She was older than him, she knew what to look for, and Lovino didn’t know how to hide things from her. He might have been sixteen years old, he might have experienced sexual attraction already, but it was the first time he actually fell in love. He was new at this; she wasn’t. 

When Bella said: “He’s older than you, be careful,” Lovino didn’t listen. It meant nothing to him. 

Copying letter after letter, even when they looked like badly sketched chickens, meant much more to Lovino than any warning sign. Antonio stood by his side, played with his hair and laughed at Lovino’s sarcastic jokes. Nothing else truly mattered. 

One morning, while Lovino was trying hard to make his ‘h’ look like a proper letter than a weird caricature of the Matron, Antonio said: 

“I’m in financial trouble right now”. 

Lovino didn’t know how to respond to that, so Antonio continued: 

“Business is not going well. I’m actually losing a lot of money to…” Antonio trailed off, bit the inside of his cheek before he could say the name, and sighed loudly. “The point is, I need to leave for a while”. 

Lovino looked up from his notebook (Antonio’s gift) and knitted his eyebrows in confusion. 

“Why should I care?” he asked, feigning indifference. Antonio looked away in deep thought, ran a hand through his messy hair, leaned against his chair and then moved towards Lovino once more. 

“Just so you know,” Antonio said, softly. Lovino immediately reverted his attention to his ugly handwriting. 

“Do you think you’re going to be poor eventually?” Lovino asked, trying to keep his voice flat, and his heart made a flip in his chest when Antonio chuckled. 

“Maybe”. 

“And what would you do then?” Lovino asked, blushing slightly when the sound of his voice betrayed his inner worry. Antonio didn’t answer immediately; he slid his hand over the table and intertwined their fingers together. 

“In that case, I will abandon this shitty mansion, find my true love and live happily even after in a small farmhouse,” Antonio announced and laughed when Lovino’s lips quirked in a frown. 

“It’s not a joke,” Lovino spat, fighting against the urge to head-butt Antonio in the chest.

“Well, it’s not a bad idea, is it?” Antonio asked, and Lovino raised his eyes to him. 

“How long are you going to be away?” Lovino asked instead. 

“Three months, maybe four,” Antonio answered. 

“I hope you are not planning to get laid in these three months, are you?” Lovino warned him, and his forehead creased in anger at the mere thought. Antonio’s response was to squeeze his fingers, and he leaned to press a kiss on the corner of Lovino’s mouth when the younger boy opened it to protest. 

“As if I could,” Antonio whispered, and Lovino batted his hand away and started copying letters again. 

Two days later Antonio left the mansion for the first time in years. Lovino didn’t go to tell him goodbye, there was no reason to. Lovino wasn’t going to miss him. In fact, Lovino didn’t even have the time to miss him. 

No less than two hours after Antonio’s departure, one of the guards came in search of Lovino, bringing a cryptic message with him. Lovino was tending to his tomatoes at the time while Nathan was pottering about in the orchard, and they both looked up in surprise when the guard marched into the back garden and beckoned Lovino to follow him back inside the mansion. When they were away from prying ears, the guard finally said: 

“He is waiting for you. Starting tomorrow”.

Lovino didn’t need to ask for clarifications. He knew who the guard was talking about and he wasn’t surprised. He was more concerned with the fact that the guard knew who Lovino was. He wasn’t so naïve as to think he was the only one working for Pasquale in the mansion, but he didn’t expect it to be someone who had witnessed the scene he had made in front of Antonio the day Kirkland left. If Pasquale knew that there was something between Antonio and him… A cold shiver ran down his spine at the thought. 

Bella didn’t take the news he was going to work in the fields for a couple of months very well, but she didn’t make a fuss like Lovino expected. She seemed actually more relieved to have him out of the mansion than inside of it. In that moment Lovino wanted to tell her how wrong she was, but he didn’t dare to drag her into something that might eventually physically hurt her. 

As expected, Pasquale wanted to be informed in detail, and fortunately for him, Lovino didn’t run out of things to say. He started with Kirkland’s visit, leaving out the affair the British had with Antonio, and concluded with the financial problems Antonio was apparently in. Sadik Adnan’s threat earned a chuckle. Pasquale was more interested in the Matron’s fading health, but Lovino didn’t wish to know what Pasquale planned to do with all that info. When Lovino was done, Pasquale tapped his fingers on the table in front of him, deep in though. 

“I guess now that Carriedo is gone, you can come back to me,” Pasquale assumed. 

“Until Carriedo returns, I’ll be here,” Romano reassured him, to which Pasquale raised an eyebrow in surprise. 

“You seem very eager to spend your time with him,” Pasquale mused. Lovino averted his eyes and focused his gaze on Pasquale’s empty glass instead. Shit, he thought, did the guard mention something to him? 

“I’m not,” Romano said, trying to sound self-assured. “But we need more information, and I still didn’t manage to learn a fucking thing about the upcoming revolution”. 

“True,” Pasquale said, laconic, reached out for Romano’s still full glass and downed the alcohol in one gulp. 

Working for Pasquale meant that Lovino would be able to prepare for his brother’s arrival. Summer was coming to an end, and Romano wanted to be in town to make sure Feliciano wouldn’t do anything stupid. Their connection needed to be a secret. As long as Pasquale thought Lovino was an only child, Feliciano Vargas would be safe. Lovino wasn’t sure whether Pasquale was bluffing, but he had no reason to doubt him on this one. 

Romano’s life returned back to the one he had before Angelo died. He spent most of his days wandering around in the streets, pick-pocketing and keeping his ears open. He listened in on every conversation, he followed strangers and paid a couple of gypsy boys to keep an eye on current events and notify him when and if the Resistance was coming. He didn’t expect them to come back with good news, but Lovino hoped they feared him enough to do as told. 

“Stall them,” Romano ordered them. “Make sure none of the Resistance members steps into town. No one must get wind of their arrival, are we clear?” 

“Yes, sir,” one of the kids assured him with a toothy grin. 

The days passed incredibly slowly, and Lovino started missing Antonio to bits. Even when he was surrounded by the rest of the gang, Lovino couldn’t stop thinking about him and absentmindedly traced small ‘a’s in his mind’s eye. One of those days, when Lovino’s heart ached so much from all the memories he had of Antonio, Romano didn’t even look up when a small black boy stepped into the tavern he was spending his afternoon in. The boy scanned the room around him and silently made a bee line to where Romano was sitting on his own. Fortunately, Pasquale was not around and none of the other customers paid any attention to that little beggar. 

“Don Romano,” the boy whispered, tugging him by the sleeve. Romano almost jumped out of his skin in surprise, but he managed to keep his cool and silently followed the boy outside. When they were finally out of earshot, Lovino kneeled down to the boy’s eye level. 

“They’re here, don Romano,” the boy said. “Waiting in the woods. There are three of them, one man, a boy and a woman. They are riding a carriage, sir. No one saw them yet”. 

“Good lad,” Romano said, heartbeat speeding up, and reached into his pocket to pull out a couple of golden coins. The boy grinned widely at him and bowed low before running away. Lovino shot a worried glance behind his shoulder and rushed to catch up with the boy. His breathing quickened when he finally left town and advanced into the woods. The boy had long disappeared from sight, but Lovino knew his surroundings well enough to know where to go. There was only one place in the woods were a carriage could go unnoticed. 

Every step he took, Lovino became more self-conscious of his appearance. His skin was tanned from all the hours spent in the sun, and his hair was unkempt and filthy. There was dirt under his nails, not to mention his tattered clothes and his muddy shoes. He doubted Feliciano would recognize him, and Lovino hopped his brother wasn’t in a much better state than he was. For a moment Lovino considered the idea of turning on his heels and going back to the tavern. When he caught sight of the carriage hidden between the pistachios trees, his urge to flee became stronger.

He suddenly heard a man laughing. Some children were singing a silly song and Lovino waited for the man’s laughter to subside before he stepped into the small clearing. Two little gypsy boys running about abruptly stopped singing and, as if they knew it was their cue to leave, ran into the woods, snickering loudly. Lovino’s sudden appearance had aroused suspicion. The woman standing near the carriage immediately raised a frying pan above her head menacingly, while the man hid behind a tree for coverage, rifle ready to shot in his arms. Lovino reached out for his gun right away, but his hand stopped in mid-air when a boy hopped out of the carriage and stood between Lovino and the man aiming at him. 

Lovino stared at the younger member of the trio with eyes wide in wonder. He was a gorgeous thirteen years old boy dressed like a nobleman’s son, but Lovino was not fooled by his appearance. 

“Lovino?” the boy asked hesitantly. Lovino lowered his hand and the woman did the same. The four of them stared at each other for a while, and finally Feliciano smiled widely at him. 

Lovino couldn’t believe his eyes: his younger brother was taller than him by an inch, his face was clean and without imperfections, and his light brown hair was neatly combed. He was very different from Lovino, but at the same time no one could deny they were related. It took Lovino all his courage not to run away from him. 

“Oh, Lovino!” Feliciano exclaimed, not intimidated in the least, and ran to him. He shot his arms around Lovino’s shoulders and pulled him into a crushing hug. “I’ve missed you so much!” 

Lovino froze. He didn’t know what to do with his hands and he almost shoved Feliciano away, afraid that he was going to get Feliciano’s elegant clothes dirty. He gulped down his emotion when Feliciano turned to look at him, his face beaming with excitement, and Lovino softly pushed his nose into Feliciano’s hair to breath in his brother’s scent. It was still the same, despite all those years apart. 

“Feliciano, how on Earth-?” Lovino asked, but he couldn’t speak. His voice cracked and when Feliciano softly pulled away and grinned at him, Lovino almost burst out crying. He couldn’t believe it, because there she was: their mother smiling at him through Feliciano’s face features. The same delicate and kind smile, the same spark in his eyes. Feliciano was handsome. Much better off than Lovino would ever be. 

“Oh, Lovi, we have so many things to catch up on!” Feliciano said, squeezing Lovino’s shoulders, as if he couldn’t get enough of touching him. Lovino drifted his eyes away from Feliciano and focused his attention on the woman behind them instead. He suddenly recognized her: she was Mr. Roderich’s wife, the man who had chosen his brother over him. 

“Sorry for scaring you,” the woman said smiling kindly at him. “But, you see, you looked so menacing… oh, well. I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Elizabeta, Ro-!” 

“I remember you,” Lovino cut her off, catching her off-guard. 

Elizabeta and Feliciano shared a meaningful look at Lovino’s outburst, but the younger boy’s smile didn’t falter and he shifted his attention back on his brother again. 

"We are part of the Resistance," Feliciano announced. Lovino took an imperceptible step backwards, as if he wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. 

“So I heard,” Lovino said. “You shouldn’t shout something so big from the rooftop, though. You’re going to get in serious trouble, and I-!” 

“Don’t worry,” Feliciano interrupted him. “There is no one here but us. Gianni is keeping watch, and, anyway, you are going to be part of it soon, and I have to talk to you about some things before we leave”. 

“Maybe it would be better if we just talk on the way,” Elizabeta cut in. 

Lovino’s heart clenched in fear. 

“Yes, you’re right,” Feliciano said and grabbed Lovino’s hand. “Let’s just go”. 

Lovino frantically batted his brother’s hand away, and Feliciano’s smile slowly disappeared from his face. Lovino took another step backwards, and Feliciano finally saw the horror written all over his older brother’s face. 

“Didn’t you read my letter?” Feliciano asked, knitting his eyebrows in confusion and stretching his hand towards him, inviting Lovino to take it. 

“Feli,” Lovino whispered, “I’m still a slave”. 

Lovino’s eyes dropped on his muddy shoes. He had no idea why but felt petrified and he stared at his hands shaking in wonder. All excitement was gone. Lovino couldn’t read Feliciano’s face; he just stared back at him, uncomprehending. 

“But you’re here,” Feliciano reasoned. “How can you be here if you are still a slave to Carriedo?” 

“Commissions,” Lovino chocked on his own words. . 

“Fine, it doesn’t matter,” Feliciano said and stretched his hand towards him again. “This is your opportunity to escape. Come on”. 

Lovino unconsciously started shaking his head no, and Feliciano’s eyes became wide with fear. He looked up at Elizabeta for help, but the woman too didn’t know what to do. 

“You can’t possibly want that,” Feliciano said, trying to sound calm and reassuring. “You can possibly want to keep being used by Carriedo and-!” 

“Please, don’t talk about him as if you know him,” Lovino snapped, and Feliciano froze. 

The shock in Feliciano’s face slowly turned into sympathy, and Lovino immediately averted his eyes. Feliciano took a tentative steps forwards, and Lovino didn’t put up any resistance when his brother intertwined their fingers together and softly pulled him closer. Unexpectedly, Feliciano started caressing Lovino’s dirty face, and Lovino forced himself to look at him. 

“Lovino,” Feliciano whispered his name, and Lovino flushed. “I know what it feels like to lose someone important”. 

Lovino’s lips parted, as if he wanted to contradict him, but no words came out. Feliciano could never understand him. There was no way Feliciano knew what it was like to love someone like Antonio. 

“I know it’s hard,” Feliciano said. “But you can’t do this to yourself. Don’t miss this opportunity. If you follow me, we are going to be a family again. We can go back to what we were supposed to be. You are going to be finally free. What’s more important, Lovino? Carriedo or you happiness?” 

Lovino didn’t know how to answer that. His eyes stung, and Lovino let out a shaky breath. He didn’t know what to feel anymore: angry, sad, disappointed? In that moment all he wanted was to be overwhelmed by anger. Feliciano was now the older one of the two, and Lovino was just a baby in comparison to him. Feliciano’s caresses were nothing but soothing. Lovino was suddenly aware of the cross lying gently against his chest.

“A family,” Lovino repeated and looked down at their intertwined hands. If Lovino followed him, he would become Feliciano’s shadow. He could picture it clearly in his head. His brother was stronger than him, but if he continued living with Carriedo, Lovino could be just as strong, only in a different way. If Lovino followed his brother, he would lose Antonio and he would disappoint Pasquale. If Lovino ran away, Antonio and Pasquale would run after him. And maybe dealing with Pasquale would be easier when surrounded by Resistance members, but dealing with Antonio? No. Lovino would immediately run back into his arms. He knew it. Or maybe not. Maybe once he tasted freedom… 

“Lovino, please, come with me,” Feliciano pleaded. 

Oh, if he didn’t love Antonio so much. If Lovino weren’t such an idiot. 

“It’s better if you leave,” Lovino said, harsh, and pulled Feliciano back to where Elizabeta was. Feliciano’s face dropped, but Lovino had made up his mind. “I’m not coming with you”. 

Feliciano let go of his hand as if burnt, but then Lovino saw something in Feliciano’s eyes that he would have never thought his young, whiny brother could ever possess: determination. 

“I’m not giving up on you, Lovino. You heard me?” Feliciano asked. 

“Don’t,” Lovino said. Feliciano’s breath hitched and he suddenly wrapped his arms around Lovino’s shoulders and held him close. Finally, Lovino found the strength to hug him back just as forcefully. 

“We should go,” the man, Gianni, suddenly warned them. 

Lovino pushed Feliciano away and signaled Elizabeta to take his brother away. The brown haired woman did. She pulled Feliciano into the coach and hopped in immediately after. At the same time, Gianni sat down on the lackey’s seat and pulled the horses’ reins. Feliciano leaned out of the window to wave at him, his eyes wet with tears, and Lovino kept waving back until the coach disappeared into the woods. 

Lovino would bet his life that this was going to be the last time that he saw his brother. It didn’t matter what Feliciano wanted, Lovino was meant to stay there. Feliciano’s departure, however, made his heart bleed all the same. His chance to escape ran away along with Feliciano, and Lovino’s hate for Antonio deepened. If only Lovino could let him go. If only Pasquale weren’t involved. If only Lovino had the courage to be a member of the Resistance. But what was the point, anyway? War was not what Lovino wanted. They were fighting for the wrong reasons; they were just idealists who couldn’t see the bigger picture. 

***

Three weeks later, Antonio returned back to the mansion, and Lovino returned back to his life with him. Romano was informed about Antonio’s arrival by the guard himself when he was coming back home from one of Pasquale’s missions. Lovino ran up the stairs two at a time, heart beating fast and breath short. He slammed Antonio’s bedroom’s door open just in time to see Antonio taking his stylish coat off. As soon as Lovino stepped in the room, Antonio dropped the coat on the floor and was by Lovino’s side in two strides. Without thinking Lovino jumped into the other’s arms, and Antonio started kissing his cheeks, his forehead and lastly his lips as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. 

“I missed you, Lovino,” Antonio whispered against his mouth before he kissed Lovino again, harder this time, much more needy. Lovino let his fingers run through Antonio’s hair and pressed his chest against the other. When they finally pulled apart, Lovino looked into Antonio’s eyes and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the adoration in them. Lovino didn’t know how much he would last if Antonio kept gazing at him in that way. 

“So…” he stammered. “How did it go?” Lovino asked. Antonio’s lips thinned, and obvious sign that things hadn’t gone well at all, but he kept his eyes firmly locked into Lovino’s ones. His hands slid down Lovino’s back and rested just above his middle, holding onto him like a hanging man on the rope. 

“Not that well, I guess,” Antonio confessed. Lovino absentmindedly nodded. 

“I’m going to lose everything pretty soon,” Antonio added after a moment of silence, and Lovino felt Antonio shiver against him. Still his voice was calm and composed when he said: “The war already started up north, and soon we are going to get involved in this revolution too”. 

“I see,” Lovino said, although he had no clue if that was the right thing to say. 

Antonio raised a hand and cupped Lovino’s face, and Lovino knitted his eyebrow in question. 

“I can’t afford a lot of things right now,” Antonio whispered, pain leaking into his words. “I have to sell some stuff to get by. I have to dismiss some servants, free some others…” 

“Oh,” Lovino said, suddenly at a loss for words. 

“It was time I realized that I don’t need a lot of stuff to live, anyway,” Antonio continued. He hooked a finger under Lovino’s chin and tilted his head up. “It’s about time I changed my stance on some issues”.

“I-!” 

“Lovino,” Antonio interrupted him. “Nathan and Bella will, no, must leave”. 

Lovino suddenly pushed away. 

“But, but,” Lovino stuttered. “Who’s going to take care of the garden? Who’s going to cook? Have you thought of all the work this mansion needs?” 

“Someone else is going to take care of it,” Antonio replied, calm. Lovino ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. 

“I can’t possibly do everything on my own!” he cried. 

“I didn’t say you had to,” Antonio said, and Lovino stilled as if Antonio had slapped him in the face. 

“Lovino,” Antonio said, standing close to him again and running a thumb on the skin over Lovino’s cheekbone. “I’ll do whatever you want. Just tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you,” Antonio said. 

“What?” Lovino asked, taken aback. 

“If you want to leave,” Antonio said, and his eyes brimmed with tears. “You can go”. 

Lovino’s focused his whole attention on Antonio’s face and when he finally found what he was searching for, his stomach tightened. 

“You’re free to go, if that makes you happy,” Antonio said. “Whatever makes you happy”. 

Lovino looked away. He couldn’t stand to see Antonio’s sad smile. He felt Antonio’s fingers brush a strand of hair away from his forehead, and Lovino shivered. The golden cross against his chest was burning. 

“I’m not going anywhere, you bastard,” Lovino said. 

Antonio’s let out a shaky breath, and Lovino buried his face in the other’s chest. He was an idiot. Antonio kissed his head. Lovino closed his eyes. He was an idiot. 


	12. Chapter 12

###  Chapter Twelve 

Antonio didn’t lie when he said that Bella and Nathan had to leave, but Lovino was incredulous all the same. For a couple of days, Lovino traipsed around the mansion as if someone had sliced his torso and had seized his heart right out of it. He couldn’t even take the Matron’s threats seriously. Lost in thought, he found himself unable to face reality. When Bella finally packed her few possessions in a small bag, wearing a beautiful yellow dress Lovino had never seen on her before, the young boy tried his best to keep a cool head. 

Nathan was already waiting for Bella outside the front gates, along with ten other maids and servants. Lovino walked over to them with Bella’s hand in his, determined not to let his emotions run wild. When they joined the rest of the group, Bella hugged him close and ran her hand through the boy’s hair, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Even Nathan’s usually expressionless face turned soft, and he leaned down to hug Lovino as well, reminding him to be careful and not let his hotheadedness hamper what was really important. Antonio arrived just in that moment to wave his old servants goodbye, but left Nathan and Bella for last. He didn’t dare to disrupt them, and Lovino was grateful Antonio could see right through him and came to his rescue only when Bella took out a handkerchief and started blowing her nose. 

“Take care of yourself, alright, kiddo?” Nathan recommended for the thousandth time. He casted a warning glance at Antonio, who was patting Bella on the back and thanking her greatly for what she had done for him all those years, before he shifted his attention back to Lovino. 

Lovino suddenly remembered how scared he had been of Nathan when he was younger, but now he couldn’t bear the thought of going back to his tomatoes and not seeing the older man taking a drag leaning against the garden’s brick wall. Antonio was by his side in a second, but he didn’t dare to squeeze his shoulder in reassurance and just stretched his hand to Nathan to wish him good luck.

“Will you take care of him?” Bella asked, wiping her wet cheeks with her handkerchief. She looked at Antonio straight in the eyes as she said so, and Antonio beamed so warmly that Bella couldn’t help but return the smile. 

“He can take care of himself, don’t worry,” Antonio reassured them both. 

Bella leaned in to press another kiss on Lovino’s forehead before Nathan took her hand and helped her on the carriage waiting for them. Some servants had already left, while some others lingered by the front gates, unsure of what to do. The guards opened the gates wide to let the carriage out, and Lovino took an imperceptible step forwards when Bella leaned out of the window to wave at him. He bit his bottom lip hard to refrain from crying and when he felt Antonio reassuringly touch his shoulder, Lovino batted him immediately away. 

“Leave me alone, will ya?” he snapped, turned on his heels and ran back into the mansion. Antonio didn’t follow him, but Lovino didn’t want to be followed. His eyes cast down, he climbed down the stairs and walked back to the room Bella and Lovino used to share in those past six years. He dropped down on his unmade bed, buried his face into the pillow, smelt Bella’s faint scent still lingering in the air, turned around to lie on his back and reached out his pocket for the pack of cigarettes he had stolen from Nathan before he left. He took one out and contemplated it, wondering what it would feel like to smoke one. 

The stick smelt slightly of old tobacco, but when Lovino was ready to put it between his lips, a loud sound coming from upstairs made him jump out of his skin. The cigarette flew out of his hands and rolled down on the floor, and Lovino rushed to pick it up and hide it back inside with the rest before the Matron walked in. The moment he glimpsed down under the bed, however, Lovino stilled. He reached out to a red bandana lying in the dust and shook the dirt off of it. Lovino sat down on the floor crossed legged, the bandana in one hand and the pack in the other, his only reminders of Nathan and Bella’s existence. 

The smell of tobacco was nauseating, and Lovino couldn’t help but wonder if that was how loneliness would smell like, if abstract notions had a scent. Did Nathan smoke because he felt lonely? Lovino had never felt like asking, but if Nathan did, then he wouldn’t need cigarettes anymore now that Bella was by his side. 

“What are you doing there on the floor?” the Matron suddenly asked, and Lovino shoved his little treasures under the pillow. 

“Nothing,” Lovino cried. 

“Stand up, you silly boy,” the Matron said, coughing, “and help me out with lunch. Now that Bella’s gone, I’m going to be the new cook”. 

“For real?” Lovino asked, taken aback, and the Matron shot him a murderous look. Lovino shut up and walked back into the kitchen with her in tow. 

At first, Lovino truly believed the Matron was joking, but he quickly changed his mind when he saw how hard the Matron was trying to make herself useful in the kitchen. Nevertheless, she was getting weaker by the day, and Lovino found her sitting down on the floor panting more and more frequently. By the end of her second week as an impromptu cook, Lovino decided to take matters into his hands. 

The day Lovino found the Matron leaning against the counter, clutching the knife tightly in her hand, her dark dress whitened with flour, he thought that enough was enough. Lovino shot her a look, turned on his heels and made his way upstairs to Antonio. The next day the Matron stopped coming down to the kitchen. 

Lovino thought that Antonio and the Matron had finally understood that he was perfectly capable to get by on his own, so he was extremely surprised when another guy was sent down to help him out. It was no other but Roberto himself. 

“Hey!” Roberto exclaimed when he stepped into the kitchen. He smiled widely at Lovino and rolled his sleeves up, ready to help. “Long time, no see!” he added, grasping Lovino’s hands and squeezing them warmly. 

“What-!” Lovino opened his mouth to protest, but Roberto patted him on the back and let his eyes wander over the mess Lovino was making on the kitchen counter. Lovino blushed under the other stare; he had not expected company and he had been murdering tomatoes rather than slicing them for the best part of the morning. 

“I’m your new assistant, and something tells me you’re in serious need of one,” Roberto said, with a teasing tone in his voice. Lovino studied his old partner’s face and was astounded to see how much happier the man looked. It didn’t take a genius to know why: it was much preferable to sweat next to an oven rather than roast under the sun while the guards scrutinized your every move. Did Roberto know that those guards were now Lovino’s partners in crime as well? Lovino didn’t think so, or else Roberto wouldn’t have dared to talk to him so freely. Be that as it may, he was glad for the help, anyway. 

On the other hand, Lovino couldn’t stand the Matron’s unwanted assistance. She didn’t give up easily. Since she was forced out of the kitchen, she decided to be useful in the back garden instead, much to Lovino’s frustration. When Lovino caught her almost cut a healthy tomato plant down, he panicked. The Matron had always been a terrifying figure in his eyes, but that time he gulped down his fear and stood his ground. He snatched the pruners from her hands and forced her on her feet, telling her it was time she retired and making no bones about it. To say she was surprised by the abrupt treatment would be an understatement. She didn’t complain, however, and wordlessly returned to her chambers. 

Her sudden compliance was nothing but reassuring. Lovino was scared that he would soon be punished for his insolence and when the Matron sent for him two days later, Lovino believed he was screwed. 

“The Matron wants you to go to her in her room,” Roberto informed him, his forehead creasing with worry. Although his heart was beating frantically in his chest, Lovino shrugged, flaunting indifference, and slowly made his way upstairs to the Matron’s room. 

Lovino had never been in the Matron’s private apartment, but he sure wasn’t curious to know what it looked like. Feeling as if he was intruding into a wild animal’s cave, Lovino softly knocked on her door. The Matron’s voice was a feeble whisper, and Lovino apprehensively pushed the door open. 

The Matron’s room turned out to be rather barren. Contrary to the rest of the mansion, there were no pictures on the walls or antique furniture taking up a lot of floor place. It was as if the Matron had enough of all the luxury surrounding her and had treated herself with the bare essentials: a chair, a bed and a wardrobe for her few belongings. Surprisingly, Lovino felt sorry for her. 

“Sit down,” the Matron coughed, and Lovino shifted his attention to the small bed, where the woman was lying comfortably on her back. She motioned at the only chair with her bony finger, and Lovino sat down, unsure of what to say or do. The smell of decay was sickening. 

The Matron drew in a shaky breath and let her left arm hang off the side of the bed, almost touching Lovino’s knee with her fingers. 

“You know, boy,” the Matron began, her eyes fixed on the ceiling above her, “I always thought you would be out of here much sooner”. 

Lovino shuffled uneasily in his chair. 

“Do you want something from me?” Lovino asked, his voice coming out harsher than intended. 

“You’re so insolent,” the Matron said, but there was no malice in her voice. “I really hated you in the beginning. You’ve always been so creative with your insults”. 

Lovino didn’t know how to retort to that. 

“You’re an asshole, let me tell you that,” the Matron said and chuckled, much to Lovino’s annoyance. 

“Do you want something from me?” Lovino asked again, ready to stand up, but the Matron’s hand found his knee and squeezed it lightly. 

“Do you know why you were brought here?” the Matron asked, but she didn’t wait for Lovino to answer and continued: “Romano Vargas, your father, was a powerful man. I admired him greatly. I was a young girl when I first met him and I was stunned. He was different from the Carriedos and the Kirklands of this world, and even if he had done some pretty bad things himself, you couldn’t help but look up to him. It’s no wonder many try to follow his steps. They all fail eventually”. 

Lovino remained silent. 

“Our master wanted to be like him too. He was powerful, yes, but not as strong. In the beginning Carriedo truly believed that he could have some of that power by owning you. He was set on controlling you, as if he could somehow avenge his family if he managed to make you his. Do you understand what I’m talking about, son?” 

Lovino closed his eyes. 

“Yes”. 

“I don’t know if Carriedo truly is what people say he is, but I dreaded the idea of leaving you alone with him,” the Matron confessed. “But his orders were clear: I made your life miserable while he would be the nice guy”. 

Lovino bit his lip. 

“Eventually you would hate me, and he would be your lifesaver. Eventually Lovino Vargas would look up to him like the world had looked up to Romano Vargas,” she broke off to cough. Lovino waited. “It was easy. You were a pest. You don’t know how much I hated you-!”

“Why are you telling me this?” Lovino asked, and the Matron slowly turned her head to face him. 

“I can see Romano Vargas in you, but I’m not the only one,” the Matron said. “You might not become like your father, but you are much stronger than people give you credit for. Carriedo saw that fire too, and you shouldn’t trust him. No matter what he says, no matter what he does, he’s just after that blood running through your veins. Everyone has a dark secret, and you know that more than anyone else”. 

Lovino’s breath hitched in his throat. He suddenly felt naked under the Matron’s knowing stare. 

“How?” he asked, voice cracking. 

“I know you never worked in the fields. I know that you work for them,” the Matron said. 

“H-how?” Lovino stuttered, and the Matron fixed her gaze on the ceiling again. Her breathing came short. 

“When you said that you wanted to work in the fields, I immediately knew something was wrong. You’re too lazy and proud to make such a decision without a good reason,” the Matron explained. “I asked Roberto to keep an eye on you, so you wouldn’t do something stupid. Guess I overestimated you. Stupid cannot even describe what you did. Roberto told me you shook hands with _him_ ”. 

“Roberto?” Lovino asked, astounded. He looked about him in confusion before he finally fixed his gaze on his shoes. “Is that why you appointed him to help me out in the kitchen?” 

“He’s a good cook,” the Matron said. Lovino snorted, but the smile slowly disappeared from his face as he processed what the Matron had told him. 

“Why warn me though?” Lovino asked. “You hate me”. 

“I don’t,” the Matron said, and Lovino’s heart skipped a beat in surprise. “I just envy you”. 

“Envy me?” Lovino repeated, snapping his head towards her. The Matron coughed violently into her hands and closed her eyes. 

“I’m a servant’s daughter. I’ve been a servant all of my life. I don’t know what freedom even tastes like. I’ve never caused trouble and I’ve always done as told, but deep down I’ve always wanted to be free, marry the one I love, have kids… have a life outside these four walls. I just didn’t know how,” the Matron confessed, resting her hands on her stomach. “And then there’s you. This arrogant little kid that doesn’t know his place comes into the picture and I realize that this is what being free is all about. I should have been like you, but I’ve never had the courage to. That’s why I never thought you would last this long. You were like a caged animal trying to break free, and it eludes me, how you’ve never managed to escape in the end”. 

Lovino gulped down and rubbed his calloused hands over his eyes. 

“Unlike me,” the Matron continued, “you were born free, so you know what’s slavery is. What holds you here?” she asked, tilting her head to the side to focus on him. 

“Nothing,” Lovino blurted, but the Matron just stared at him, waiting for a real answer. “Nothing holds me here,” Lovino tried again. “I just don’t know where to go”. 

The Matron made a humph sound and faced the ceiling again. 

“You could join the Resistance,” she suggested. “They fight for freedom, like you are”. 

“No, they fight for their own ego,” Lovino retorted, feeling suddenly silly for talking politics with the Matron. “They want this country to be united again, but that’s bullshit. We can stand on our own two feet”. 

“Your pride is going to be the end of you,” the Matron reproached. “It’s understandable, though. You are afraid that the South is going to be under the North’s control”. 

“Yes, just another ruler to add to the list,” Lovino spat. 

“Maybe, maybe not,” the Matron said. 

“And they are just going to look down on us,” Lovino continued, suddenly aware that he wasn’t talking about politics after all. His brother sprang to mind, and Lovino’s hands tightened into fists. “They are going to think they are better than us, they will tell us what to do and how to do it. We might be united and serving under the same flag, but we are never going to be equals”. 

“Then you may fight for your country’s independence,” the Matron said. “That’s a good reason to leave this mansion too”. 

Lovino remained silent. The minutes ticked by, and Lovino shuffled his feet, nervous. The Matron let out a deep breath. She couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore.

“I hope Carriedo hasn’t broken you,” the Matron whispered. Lovino opened his mouth to retort, but he didn’t know if he should tell her the truth or keep this to himself. What was the point anyway? His heart started beating fast when the Matron spoke again: “If he had, all that discipline you don’t have, all that arrogance, all that anger, and that pride would have gone to waste. You’re like your father, Lovino. Maybe you have the potential to be even better than him”. 

Lovino waited for a couple of minutes before he finally stood up from the chair and made a bee line to the door. The Matron was perfectly still in her bed, her face contorted in pain, her lips a thin line. 

Lovino stepped outside the room and glanced at her one last time before he closed the door. It was the first time the Matron had called him by his name. 

The halls were strangely silent as he walked to Antonio’s study room. 

“The Matron is dead,” Lovino announced when Antonio looked up from his bills to him. Antonio shot up from his seat and walked past him into the hall, leaving Lovino alone with his thoughts. He sat down on Antonio’s chair and hid his face in his hands. 

*** 

It was already winter when the news of the successful battles up North finally reached their doorstep. Pasquale had conflicted emotions about it. On the one hand, he dreaded to see what the revolution would bring with it. On the other hand, his plans of expanding his business became suddenly more tangible. By contrast, the locals had their reservations about the revolution and got suddenly nervous whenever a member of the Resistance spent the night in town. Lovino didn’t care about them. In fact, he was more worried about Pasquale’s plans than the obvious preparations for battle carried out by the Resistance. 

Pasquale wanted Carriedo’s possessions and take over his shares in the market, while the mansion was going to be his new headquarters. Being the most important businessman in the region, Carriedo constituted an obstacle to Pasquale’s plans. The times, however, were changing and soon everyone would know that the undisputed landowner of that part of the country was paving the way to the poorhouse. When going through his plan, Pasquale usually ended his speech with a cryptic: “I’m two moves away from checkmate”. Carriedo the King needed to be deleted from the scene. 

“I’m glad to have you, Romano,” Pasquale would say. “You are close to Carriedo. Invading his territory it’s going to be a piece of cake”. 

Romano disagreed. 

It was difficult to pretend Lovino didn’t want to take part in Pasquale’s plans. The Matron’s final words had struck a chord with him, and Lovino longed for the day he would finally wake up and got his mind made up. Shall he pursue happiness by following Pasquale, or shall he betray them all and join the Resistance? Or shall he stop acting like he had the strength to be someone he was not and wait for death by Antonio’s side?

All in all, leaving Antonio was still inconceivable. 

Feliciano had asked him what was more important: Antonio or his happiness. Lovino had no idea. The Matron had wondered what was holding Lovino to that place. Lovino wondered about that himself. 

From the very beginning Lovino had wanted nothing more than be independent. But Lovino could never really be free as long as he loved Carriedo. Just the thought of losing him was unbearable. Did Antonio love him just as much? Lovino doubted it. Considering what the Matron told him, Antonio probably didn’t. 

Lovino was just his father’s child. It could have been Feliciano. What assured him that Antonio wouldn’t have loved Feliciano just the same? No one. What was worse, he would have been a far better choice. Antonio would have liked him better. But what he got was Lovino. Antonio had said that he hadn’t expected to fall in love with him. 

Lovino believed him. 

Antonio probably was just confused. Maybe it would be better for both of them, if Lovino just left. He should have seized his opportunity when Antonio had asked what he wanted. 

His brother wanted a family. The Matron wanted him to follow his father’s steps and become just as strong. Bella and Nathan wanted Lovino by their side. But what did Lovino want? 

There was only one answer: Antonio. Was he worth it, though? Maybe Lovino lusted after him, and lust was a fleeting emotion. He was just a teenager. He had his whole life ahead of him. What if Lovino woke up one day and realized that it was all but a crush? Lovino needed to take a decision, and soon. 

It was midnight when it dawned on him. 

The mansion was as silent as the grave. Cold. Roberto was sleeping in his room with the few servants that had stayed behind. Lovino was alone. No one heard the stairs creaking under his weight. The Matron was dead. Antonio was alone in his room. 

He was still up when Lovino opened the door. 

“What’s wrong?” Antonio asked meeting Lovino half-way. 

“I-I am sleeping here,” Lovino stuttered and made a bee line to Antonio’s bed. He slipped under the covers and turned his back to Antonio. “My room is cold,” he explained, feeling his face turn red with embarrassment. 

“It’s fine, there’s enough space for two,” Antonio said, sitting down on the bed next to him. 

Lovino closed his eyes when Antonio slipped under the covers with him and let out a sigh of relief when Antonio wrapped his arms around him. There was nothing sexual about it, and Lovino scooted closer to the other man for reassurance. He finally didn’t feel alone anymore. Antonio breathing softly next to him was reassuring. 

It was nice to stay like this. The bed was much more comfortable than his. The room was not as cold, and Antonio’s hand holding his kept the nightmares away. 


	13. Chapter 13

###  Chapter Thirteen 

Gradually, Antonio’s room became their room, even if it was only for the night. Lovino moved his few belongings upstairs until the room he had been sharing with Bella through all those years turned into another empty pantry. 

In the beginning, Lovino was always the first one to wake up and he lounged in his new bed watching Antonio sleeping peacefully next to him, amazed by the unexpected turn of events. At first, when Antonio caught him staring, Lovino would try to hide his embarrassment and always fell from the bed in the process. A week later, Antonio has grown used to Lovino’s sleeping patterns, and Lovino started waking up right when Antonio’s eyes fluttered open. Antonio’s smile when he saw him lying next to him never failed to make Lovino’s day a little brighter. 

One morning, Antonio followed him downstairs and started helping Roberto and Lovino with breakfast. Roberto immediately tried to dissuade their master from it, but Antonio was stubborn. He wanted to be of help and said that he was fed up with being called their master. It was hard to believe that Antonio was being serious, but when Lovino found him later in the afternoon in the back garden taking care of the tomato field, Lovino felt utterly lost. 

“He’s not the same guy I met when I came here,” Roberto confessed. “He’s changing. He’s much more open, he laughs oftener and he is nicer to his servants than he used to be. Did you know he helped the maids out with the chandeliers last week? Do you think we should call a doctor or something?” 

“It’s just a phase,” Lovino shrugged him off. 

Antonio, however, was more hard-working than Lovino gave him credit for, and soon enough even Lovino’s presence in the kitchen was superfluous. He was free to go to town whenever he pleased without asking for permission first. Strangely enough, Antonio never asked why. 

Pasquale didn’t notice anything amiss. On the contrary, he thought that Lovino’s unrestricted freedom might eventually come in handy. It was Maria –his first serious relationship- that noticed changes in him. 

“Are you getting more handsome?” Maria asked one day while they were lunching together in what used to be Angelo’s favorite tavern. Lovino was killing time waiting for Pasquale and he was glad when Maria joined him, even though he was too deep in thought to actually hold a conversation with her. 

“What?” Lovino asked, taken aback by the flicker of amusement in Maria’s eyes. 

“Are you in love?” Maria teased him. “Your face is glowing”. 

“It’s because you’re by my side,” Lovino said, making Maria laugh. 

“All jokes aside, I’m glad to see you in a good mood,” Maria said when her laughter subsided. “You’ve been pretty miserable in the past few months”. 

Lovino didn’t know how to retort to that. He didn’t even know Maria could read his face that well. 

It was a good thing she couldn’t see right into his mind’s eye too, because he couldn’t stop replaying that morning’s conversation with Antonio in his head. 

Before they headed to the kitchen, Antonio had kept Lovino in bed a little longer than usual. Lovino hadn’t been aware than cuddling could be his thing until he actually did it. In the beginning it felt awkward to have Antonio’s arms around him and do nothing more than run their fingers up and down each other’s arms. Antonio especially liked to tangle his hands in Lovino’s hair and slightly massage the back of his neck. 

“Maybe in the next life we will have the chance to start this right,” Antonio had suddenly said at one point. Lovino blushed, feeling the other’s gaze on him, and focused his attention on Antonio’s hand in his. 

“What are you talking about, freak?” Lovino asked. 

“I was just thinking that we started off on the wrong foot. We shouldn’t have met like this. I should have wooed you, taken you to the theater or to some country fair to dance…” 

“I am not a girl, you idiot,” Lovino interrupted him before Antonio could complete his list. “I don’t even know if I like theater,” he added under his breath. 

“I should have done something nice for you,” Antonio said. “I should have given you the chance to woo me back”. 

“Oh, right. I see what’s going on,” Lovino said, lips quirking upwards in a teasing smile. “You wanted flowers”. 

Antonio burst out laughing. 

“Maybe. Be sure to remember to bring some in the next life, when we are going to do everything from the very beginning”. 

“Why are you so sure I’m going to fall in love with you in the next life?” Lovino asked. 

“Well, I’m sure I will,” Antonio said. “I’m going to be yours forever. Even if we draw apart from each other, there is not going to be anyone else after you”. 

Lovino remained silent and shivered when Antonio slightly pressed his lips on Lovino’s shoulder. 

“You’re so damn cheesy,” Lovino commented, and Antonio laughed. 

“I love you, Lovino”. 

“Hey, Romano! Romano!” 

Romano abruptly moved his head upwards in shock. Maria was not sitting in front of him anymore, and Romano gulped when he saw Pasquale studying his face with amused eyes. 

“I’ve been calling your name for a while,” Pasquale said with a smirk. Romano averted his gaze and rubbed his tights, unsure of what to do with his hands, while Pasquale tapped his fingers on the table, the smirk still plastered on his face. 

“Our Romano’s in love?” he asked. Romano shot him a warning look, but Pasquale snorted, taking pleasure in Romano’s embarrassment. “Anyway,” Pasquale continued, “stop thinking about her and get down to business. The barber is waiting,” he announced standing up. Romano didn’t need further instructions. 

Pasquale held the door open for him and winked when Romano stepped outside. The teen patted his gun holster safely hidden under his jacket and made his way to the barbershop. Even though Romano knew that Pasquale wasn’t following him, he glanced above his shoulder to make sure, feeling suddenly insecure. As Romano expected, he was alone in this. Once upon a time, Angelo would have accompanied him. He missed the big guy. 

Romano pushed the door to the barbershop open and let his eyes wander over the empty room. The barber, a scrawny man in his fifties with a well-groomed mustache, almost leaped out of his skin at the sight of him. He hid behind a counter and intertwined his hands together as if in prayer. Romano felt his guts clench and dropped his arms to the side. 

“I don’t have the money yet,” the barber stuttered, eyes on the ground. Romano glanced at the door and took a step farther in. “I-I-I swear I’ll pay you tomorrow, don Romano,” the barber continued, pale in the face. “I-I-!” 

“Please, stand up,” Romano said, calm. The barber did. “You said that the last time as well,” Romano continued, sounding frustrated. 

“I have kids!” the barber blurted. 

“I know that,” Romano said with a sigh. 

“My wife-!” 

“I know that too,” Romano cut him. The barber dropped on his knees again, and Romano shook his head in disappointment. He glanced at the door once more and then helped the barber to his feet again. “Listen,” he whispered, squeezing the man’s shoulder in reassurance, “I am not going to hurt you, alright? I’m looking for information about the Resistance, and you know where their headquarters are,” Romano told him. The barber blinked at him, his lips shaking in fear. He was much taller than Romano was, but the boy knew he had the upper hand. With Pasquale as his boss, he always had the upper hand. 

“You’re going to tell me,” Romano said, “and I’ll pay this out of my own pocket”. 

“Oh, thank you,” the barber said, grabbing Romano’s hands and kissing his knuckles. Romano felt suddenly repelled by the gesture and removed his hands from the other’s tight grip. 

“This will be a secret between us,” Romano continued. 

“Yes, yes,” the barber complied. 

“I give you two weeks to pay me back,” Romano said. 

The barber shook his head up and down and almost dropped on his knees again, as if he wanted to kiss Romano’s shoes. Romano took a step away and waited for the information he needed. The barber was quick to comply. 

Less than ten minutes later, Romano was walking down the streets, stopping at every corner to make sure no one was following him. He looked out for red uniforms, but didn’t see any until he found the little abandoned house the barber had told him about. He made a bee line towards it and tried to calm his racing heart. He was stopped before he could find the entrance. 

Romano shot his hands up when a blond man pointed his rifle at him. He didn’t need to turn around to know that he was surrounded by other Resistance members. In fact, one of them approached him from behind and patted down his jacket searching him for weapons. Lovino let him and didn’t put up a fight when the man took hold of his gun and hid it inside his uniform. 

“I just want to talk to you,” Lovino said. 

“I know very well who you are, don Romano,” the blond guy in front of him said, his tone of voice almost mocking. His strong accent surprised Lovino, and he resented the Resistance for hiring people that had nothing to do with his country.

“You know shit,” Lovino said, his eyebrow twitching in annoyance. Someone cocked their gun behind him, but Lovino didn’t bother to glance back to see who did. He had a strange feeling that it was his own gun. 

“You disgust me,” the blond guy said. “If your little gang is planning to threaten us, you can tell your boss to shove it”. 

“I’m here on my own free will,” Lovino said. The blond man knitted his eyebrows in confusion and slightly lowered his weapon. 

“So?” one of the other members prodded him, irritated by Lovino’s prolonged silence. Lovino closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Antonio’s smile sprang to mind, and his muscles suddenly tensed. 

“Do you know Feliciano Vargas?” Lovino finally asked, casting a hopeful look at the blond man in front of him. The guy narrowed his blue eyes, suspicious. 

“What about him?” someone behind him asked. Lovino kept his hands in the air. 

“He knows me,” Lovino said, and the blond man scoffed. 

“Everyone knows you”. 

“He knows me better than anyone of you,” Lovino retorted. “I have a message for him”. 

The blond eyed him, intrigued by Lovino’s cryptic words, and finally lowered his rifle. Lovino knew it was his clue to talk. 

“Tell him I’m coming with him,” Lovino said, “that I made up my mind and I’ll be part of the Resistance”. 

“Why?” the blond asked. 

“We shouldn’t trust him,” one of the members said. “You know what they are capable of”. 

“I’m risking my fucking life here, buddy,” Lovino snapped, finally facing the young man pointing his own gun at his head. “No one knows I’m here. I want to get the fuck out of this town, and Feliciano knows this. He’s your friend, right? You trust him and he trusts me. Tell him Lovino is waiting for him”. 

“Lovino?” the blond man asked, taken aback, and tilted his head, deep in thought. Lovino kept his mouth tightly shut. Finally, the blond man sighed and raised his hand, beckoning the rest of the group to lower their guns as well. He softly massaged his temples, as if he couldn’t believe what he was about to do, and said: 

“Fine, I’ll tell him”. 

Lovino’s heart skipped a beat. The resistance member standing right behind him held out his gun, and Lovino hid it back in his gun holster. The blond man nodded, and Lovino turned on his heels and walked quickly away. 

When Lovino returned back home later in the afternoon, he almost tripped over his feet: Antonio was sweeping the main hall’s floor with one of the maids. She was laughing at Antonio’s jokes and she immediately slammed a hand over her mouth when she saw Lovino stepping inside the mansion. Unaware of the sudden tension in the room, Antonio smiled brightly at him. 

“Are you shitting me?” Lovino asked under his breath. 

“I’ll take it from here,” the maid said, snatching the broom from Antonio’s hands. Antonio thanked her and followed Lovino upstairs in their room. Lovino was glad to have given his gun to the guard standing outside before he returned, because, as soon as he closed the door behind them, Antonio hugged him close and pressed a tender kiss on his head. 

“Roberto said dinner is ready in a few,” Antonio said. Lovino turned around to face him and let his eyes wander over the other’s dirty face. He absentmindedly wiped some dust away from Antonio’s right brow, but immediately removed his hand when he realized what he had done. 

“You know you’re being ridiculous, right?” Lovino asked, gulping down an anxious breath. Antonio leaned in, and Lovino let the other kiss him. He fought hard against the urge to cry and reached out an arm to encircle Antonio’s waist, holding him close. Now that he could. As long as he could. 

***

Exactly a month later after Lovino’s encounter with the Resistance members, Roberto stepped into the kitchen with a letter for him. Lovino snatched it from his hands as soon as he recognized Feliciano’s handwriting. Under Roberto’s worried gaze, Lovino torn the envelope apart and turned his back to his friend to have some privacy. 

He read: _When Ludwig told me the news, I almost cried tears of joy. We are going to be a family again, aren’t you excited?_

Lovino carefully folded the letter in two and looked at Roberto standing awkwardly behind him. 

“Where’s Antonio?” he asked. 

“He’s in the back garden,” Roberto replied. Lovino nodded and left Roberto alone in the kitchen without another word. He made a bee line to Antonio’s study room, where all his writing utensils were scattered all over his desk, and hastily wrote an answer on the back of Feliciano’s letter. When he returned back into the kitchen, Roberto was standing by the oven not knowing what to do. 

“Who gave you this letter?” Lovino asked. 

“A little gypsy boy,” Roberto replied. “He must be still waiting in front of the gates. He looked like he wanted an immediate answer, but I didn’t know what to tell him”. 

Lovino thanked his lucky stars and slipped the letter into Roberto’s hands. 

“Tell him this is my answer,” he said. “Make sure the guards don’t see you giving him the letter. Shoo him, pretend he’s here seeking alms at our door, do whatever the fuck you want, just don’t let them see this letter. Give the boy a couple of golden coins for good measure”. 

Roberto put the folded paper in his back pocket and eyed Lovino apprehensively. 

“Lovino,” Roberto said, feeling small under Lovino’s inquiring stare. “Is there something wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lovino snapped. “Now go”. 

“I’m not stupid, Lovino,” Roberto said, unfazed by Lovino’s sudden bad mood. “I can see there’s something troubling you and I don’t like it”. 

Lovino’s shoulders dropped in defeat. He gazed around the kitchen as if searching for a way out, until he finally gave up and stared at Roberto straight in the eyes. 

“I really like you, Lovino,” Roberto continued. “You’re a good man, and I want to consider you my friend, but-!” 

“Roberto,” Lovino cut him, “I’ll tell you when the time comes”. 

Roberto creased his forehead in worry, but Lovino waved him off, and the older teen finally turned on his heels and left him alone. 

Lovino didn’t return to town until a week later and he was shocked when he realized how much it had changed in a matter of days. Now, the Resistance members walked freely around, proudly flaunting their red uniforms, and carried rifles up their shoulders. The rumors of ongoing battles not so far away suddenly turned out to be true, and many families decided to move out before the war broke out. Pasquale decided it was time they set their plan into motion. 

Lovino listened to Pasquale and agreed with everything he said. Then, when he was finally alone, he headed to the Resistance headquarters unseen to talk to Ludwig, the blond guy that apparently was one of Feliciano’s closest friends. He told him about Pasquale’s plans for the invasion of Carriedo’s mansion. 

“It’s going to happen in two weeks,” Lovino said. “That’s going to be the day I’m going to break free. Act accordingly”. 

“Feliciano told me nothing should happen to you,” Ludwig said. “Are you sure you don’t want us to intervene?” 

“No,” Lovino said. “Just wait for me or something. Try to stay away from the battlefield. This isn’t your fight, potato head. This is something between my boss and Carriedo. Let them handle this by themselves”. 

“Very well,” the blond said. “I’ll tell him”. 

Lovino nodded and walked away. 

*** 

The morning before the attack Lovino found himself unable to tear his eyes off Antonio. He couldn’t get enough of kissing him, touching him, and feeling his arms around him. Antonio had no idea what was going to happen, and Lovino had no intention of telling him. 

Lovino practically took a day off while the rest of the servants did their chores on their own. He rested under the lemon tree for the best part of the afternoon, feeling the freshly-overturn pile of dirt beneath him. There, dug into the roots, there was a small bag with Lovino’s money. His gun was safely away, ready to be used in a few hours. The branches rustled above him, and it was probably the saddest sound Lovino ever heard since his first day there. 

Lovino was going to be seventeen in a month. 

Antonio wanted to organize a birthday party for him –his first- and Lovino couldn’t find the courage to tell him there was no need to. He smiled at him instead, let Antonio ran his fingers through his hair and kept his mouth shut whenever Antonio asked what he wanted as a birthday present. 

Antonio always managed to make Lovino smile, despite everything. Lovino resented him for it. He wanted to tell him how much he was suffering, but as soon as he stepped into Antonio’s personal space, Lovino didn’t want to ruin the picture Antonio had of a future together with him. 

“Lovino?” Roberto asked, and Lovino pushed his thoughts aside to focus on him. The sun had long set and Lovino wondered if Roberto was there to tell him dinner was ready. 

Lovino liked the guy. 

“Roberto,” Lovino said before Roberto could speak. “I really like you, so listen to me, alright? Don’t ask questions”. 

Roberto furrowed his eyebrows and watched as Lovino slowly stood up from the ground and absentmindedly traced his fingers over the lemon tree’s trunk. 

“Take your things and leave,” Lovino said, straight to the point. There was no reason to dance around it.

“What?” Roberto asked, appearing suddenly agitated. 

“You know very well who I am working for,” Lovino said, squaring his shoulders. “So don’t be stupid and do as I tell you”. 

Roberto took a hesitant step backwards. 

“What are you planning to do, Lovino?” Roberto asked. 

“I said no questions”. 

Roberto flinched, and Lovino tried to calm down. He let out a sigh of frustration and ran a hand through his hair. Roberto’s lips hardened. 

“I always knew you were involved with them, but-!” 

The sound of a gun cocking made Roberto freeze. Lovino aimed his gun at him and beckoned him to stand back. 

“No buts,” Lovino said. “I’ve already killed once and I’m not scared to do it again. If you stay, you die, do you understand, Roberto? You have to leave right now. Take the ladder and jump over the wall. Don’t look back. Don’t tell anyone anything. Just keep walking and forget that you once were a slave in this mansion”. 

“You said you were going to tell me what’s really going on when the time came,” Roberto said, eyeing the gun with apprehension. 

“The time is now,” Lovino said. “Don’t ask for more information. The less you know, the higher the chances are that no one is going to come after you”. 

Roberto gulped and took a step towards the cabin house, where the ladder was hidden. Lovino held him at gunpoint. He felt his eyes brim with tears, but tried his best to look menacing. Roberto’s face, however, suddenly softened. 

“I hope we are going to meet each other again one day,” Roberto said. 

Lovino knew he was never going to see him again, he was sure of it. He stared as Roberto leaned the ladder against the wall and climbed up. 

“You’re a good man, Lovino,” Roberto said stopping half-way to the top. “It’s a pity you ended up working for don Pasquale”. 

“It’s not my fault,” Lovino whispered, but Roberto didn’t hear him. 

As soon as Roberto was gone, Lovino put his gun away and made his way into the mansion. He dined with Antonio for the last time, telling him that Roberto wouldn’t join them because he didn’t feel well and went to sleep early. They climbed up to their room and slid under the covers together. A couples of hours more and Lovino would not be Antonio’s anymore. 

He was going to be finally free. 


	14. Chapter 14

###  Chapter Fourteen 

The moon was descending into the sea when Lovino got up. Antonio was sleeping soundly on his side of the bed, his chest rising and falling at regular intervals. He was gorgeous, and Lovino tried hard not to lean in and kiss him tenderly on the lips for one last time. He hoped that Antonio was just pretending to be asleep and would finally ask him where he was going. Antonio didn’t, and Lovino got dressed as silently as he could. 

Lovino wished Antonio wasn’t such a clueless idiot. He wished that Antonio had figured out that something was up days before. Lovino wanted to wake him up, but decided against it. He tiptoed towards the door instead and threw a furtive glance over his shoulder before he walked out. Antonio was still sleeping. Lovino didn’t bother to close the door behind him. 

The mansion was as silent as a mausoleum. No one was out of their room, and only the guards were keeping watch outside the main doors. As soon as Lovino stepped outside the two imposing men turned around to face him. One seemed startled by Lovino’s sudden appearance; the other looked almost grateful for the distraction.

A gun went off, and Lovino stared unsympathetic at the man dropping down at his feet. The blood ran copiously from the gunshot wound to his head, and Lovino stepped over the dead body so he could stop looking at him. 

“I really hated him,” the second guard said and lowered his gun. “May he rest in peace”. 

“May he rest in peace,” Lovino repeated and made a bee line towards the gates. 

Together they unlocked the gates and pushed them wide open. The iron bars made a creepy screeching sound, alerting Pasquale’s gang that it was time to step out of the darkness. Suddenly, twenty armed men barged into the front yard, standing side by side and staring at the mansion in awe. Lovino knew that most of them had never even dreamed that such a house could exist. A light seeped through one of the windows: someone was up. 

“It’s time for us to take over,” Pasquale said walking over to Lovino, who took his gun out its holster. Lovino’s lips formed a thin line and his eyes were so cold that even Pasquale stared at him in wonder. The men broke into the house, and Lovino kept a cool head when he heard the first gunshots. 

“What do you need this mansion, anyway?” Lovino asked, turning his attention to Pasquale. 

“A tavern is not good place to talk business,” Pasquale said. “Moreover, Carriedo’s files and personal belongings are hidden here. It’s a good place as any to start expanding our business”. 

“What about Carriedo?” Lovino asked. 

“With or without me, Carriedo is a dead man,” Pasquale said. “This revolution won’t let pigs like him get away with it so easily”. 

“Are you going to kill him?” 

“I guess I am,” Pasquale said stepping up to the front door. A woman screamed. Lovino picked up his pace and yanked Pasquale by the back of his shirt. 

“I won’t let you do that,” Lovino announced. Pasquale arched an eyebrow in question, but Lovino didn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing him hesitate. “Don’t you remember what I told you when we first met?” he asked instead. Pasquale regarded him with a faint smirk.

“Yes, I do”. 

“I have to kill him,” Lovino said. “Don’t take this pleasure away from me, damn it”. 

“Then off you go,” Pasquale said and motioned him to the door. Lovino loaded his gun and went back in. He didn’t look down at the dead bodies lying on his way and he quickly climbed up the stairs, up to Antonio’s room. The door was wide open. 

He stepped cautiously inside, gun raised, and his heart started beating fast against his chest when he realized that the bed was empty. He let his eyes wander around him until he finally found Antonio standing by the window, looking down at the front yard. 

“I didn’t want to believe it,” Antonio said, turning to face him. Lovino aimed his gun at him, pointing straight to Antonio’s forehead. He was an easy target; Antonio didn’t even move or grab his gun to defend himself. 

“I knew you were involved with them, but I didn’t want to believe it,” Antonio said. 

“Who told you?” Lovino asked, harsh. His stomach churned; he wanted to drop his gun and puke his guts out. He did nothing of the sort. Antonio stared at him. The loving look in the other’s eyes exasperated him. 

“Carlos did”. 

“The fuck”. 

“When you said you wanted to work in the fields, I assigned him to help you out,” Antonio explained. “But he never got the chance, did he?” he asked, a bittersweet smile gracing his features. 

Lovino gulped. He couldn’t believe it. Was he so fragile that he needed someone on his tail all the livelong day? The Matron had asked Roberto to keep an eye on him, and now, apparently, Antonio had asked Carlos to do the same thing. It wasn’t a coincidence that they were the only ones to talk to him on his first day of field work. Good friends, indeed. Was that the reason why Antonio hadn’t protested against his decision? Was it his decision at all? At this point, Lovino doubted there was anything he had done on his own free will. Everyone had paved the road for him, and he had blindly followed the path. 

“Fuck,” Lovino swore, boiling with anger. “Fuck, bastard. Fuck!” 

“Are you going to kill me?” Antonio asked in a sweet voice. Lovino stared at him, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, his hand firmly wrapped around the gun. Only the rest of his body betrayed his real emotions; he was shaking. 

“You pushed me into this mess,” Lovino said, frustrated that Antonio managed to stay calm, despite being held at gunpoint, despite everything. “You don’t know how much I hate you for this”. 

“Yes, I know,” Antonio whispered. 

“You know shit!” Lovino exclaimed, losing his temper. “You practically destroyed my life and for what? To be my dad? To be my master? My lover? What? I don’t even know anymore! Whatever it was, it was fucking selfish. I was whipped and tortured and I almost starved to death. You made me believe I couldn’t jump over a fucking wall to escape. I just saw Roberto do it and it was so damn easy! You set the Matron against me so that you could be the good guy. But, truth is, you are a sicko. You almost molested me and pretended nothing was wrong the very next day! And I was so fucking scared of you. I wanted to get rid of you and joined Pasquale’s gang because no one had the decency to warn me first! You kept things from me”. 

“Lovino, I-!” Antonio started but froze when Lovino lowered his gun and pointed it straight to Antonio’s heart. 

“No, Antonio, fuck you!” Lovino cut. “I sacrificed my happiness for you! I killed a man because of you! I gave up on my free will for you, a fucking pedophile, who planned to mess with my head before he even met me! And maybe you are not a pedophile, maybe you are just a sadistic bastard, but who the fuck cares at this point! Truth is, only a cruel man could do the things that you did. I don’t deserve this. You took my life away, my dignity away, my will to fight away and then decided that it would be lots of fun to take my heart away too-!” 

Lovino’s breath hitched. He had been planning this for a long time, and now that the words were out, Lovino felt as if what had remained of him were nothing but a shadow of his former self. He felt empty. Talking made no sense at this point. Antonio said that in the next life they would do everything from the very beginning. Lovino wondered what kind of life that would be. 

“Lovino, I am sorry for what I’ve done to you,” Antonio said. 

“I was supposed to be normal…” Lovino muttered. This was it, he though. He tried to focus his eyes on Antonio’s face, but everything was just a blur. The only thing keeping him on Earth was that fucking gun in his hands.

“Lovino, listen,” Antonio tried. “I wish I could turn back time and unmake everything I did to you, but I can’t. If you think that taking my life is a good punishment for what I did, then take it. It’s yours. I love you, Lovino”. 

Lovino let out a shaky breath and ran a hand over his face, trying to regain some composure. He violently shook his head no. 

“No, killing you is not what I want,” Lovino said, a nervous laugh bubbling out of his throat. “I just want to make you feel as desperate and helpless as I did trough all these years,” he continued. Antonio stared at him and casted him a pitying look. Lovino wanted to wipe it off the other’s face. “I want to take away from you the more valuable thing you own, like my sanity was to me”. 

“I own nothing,” Antonio said, voice soft. “You know that”. 

“Oh, I know you do,” Lovino said. His finger started shaking slightly above the trigger. “You have me,” he announced and suddenly pointed the gun to his head. This was it. Closure.

Antonio’s eyes became wide with terror. He took an imperceptible step forwards, but froze when Lovino’s finger came dangerously close to the trigger. Lovino felt the cold steel hovering next to his temple and shivers ran down his spine. In the next life, he repeated to himself. If there were a next life. He knew he was going to hell if he pulled the trigger. Another sinner to add to the list. 

The gold cross necklace felt heavy around his neck. 

But death and hell were nothing compared to a life without Antonio. He had thought about it hard. He had tried to picture living happily with his brother but there was nothing that could make him as happy as being with Antonio. Death. To be dead meant to be free. He was going to get away from Pasquale and Antonio with just a flick of his finger. Feliciano would live with the knowledge that Lovino had done what he could to reunite with him, but got killed in the process. Feliciano would not blame himself, because Lovino made sure his brother wasn’t going to be the one responsible for his death. Feliciano could live. Lovino needed to die. 

What’s more, to be dead meant that Lovino didn’t have to choose. There wasn’t going to be a life without Antonio, and Antonio could move on. 

“How can you be sure that I’m not going to kill myself after you?” Antonio asked, pushing Lovino out of his thoughts. Bright green eyes stared at him, brimming with determination and confidence, and Lovino’s breathing quickened. 

“Then all your plans would be in vain, wouldn’t they?” Antonio asked, taking a hesitant step forwards. “Because that’s what I’m going to do if you pull the trigger, Lovino,” Antonio declared. “You make me want to be a better man. I want to repent for my sins, and if you are going to kill yourself, I am just going to follow you”. 

“I-I-!” Lovino stuttered and didn’t put up a fight when Antonio calmly took the hand holding the gun and pushed it softly towards the floor. 

“Do you know what it’s going to hurt me?” Antonio asked. His smile was soft, rueful. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, and Lovino stared, because he didn’t know what else to do. “I’m going to feel like dying, if you just walk out of that door and forget about me. You are young, you can do that, even if it seems impossible right now. No man is worth your life, Lovino. But for me it would be madness. I will suffer, knowing you are not going to be by my side anymore, that I’m banned from holding you close and hearing your voice”. 

Lovino closed his eyes and felt Antonio’s thumb wipe a tear from his cheek. He had no idea he had been crying. 

“You are right. I am a horrible man,” Antonio said. “You didn’t deserve this. I didn’t know I could love someone as much as I love you and it was selfish to keep you here against your will”. 

Lovino opened his eyes again. 

“Against all expectations, I did fall in love with you when you were just a kid,” Antonio continued. “But I never wanted to hurt you. Never”. 

“But you did,” Lovino whispered, and Antonio heaved a sigh. A guilty look flashed across Antonio’s face, and Lovino suddenly felt a wave of love wash over him. He didn’t lean in and kiss him. On the contrary, he put as much distance as possible between the two of them and carefully leaned his gun on the floor. Antonio watched him. 

Lovino didn’t protest when Antonio gently took him by the arm and pushed him out of the door. Wordlessly, Lovino climbed the stairs down. Pasquale’s men were raiding the pantry and toasting to their victory. He kept walking. 

The rising sun was an orange slice on the horizon. The early birds chirped each other good morning. Lovino walked around the fountain towards the open gates. Two steps and he was going to be a free man, finally. 

“Romano!” Pasquale shouted. “Romano, where are you going? Aren’t you going to celebrate with the other guys?” 

Lovino stopped in his tracks as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over his head. Pasquale was eyeing him warily, and Lovino felt suddenly very vulnerable under the other’s inquiring stare. 

“I’m leaving,” Lovino announced. 

“Where to?” Pasquale asked, getting on the defensive. Lovino shot a look upwards, towards one of the windows facing the front yard, and a small smile graced his features. 

“Away,” Lovino said, feeling unexpectedly sure of himself. “But not from you”. 

Pasquale followed his gaze and his lips narrowed into a thin, displeased line. 

“He’s still alive?” he asked, frustrated, and pulled out his gun. 

“I know I can’t leave you,” Lovino blurted, before Pasquale could barge into the mansion again. “I won’t. As long as you promise me you aren’t going to hurt him”. 

“What?” Pasquale exclaimed, furious. “You little-!” 

“If you kill him, if anything happens to him,” Lovino interrupted him, feeling more confident by the second, “I won’t hesitate and I will do whatever is in my power to bring you down. I will use everything I know against you. I know people who I can trust; I will pull some strings and you are going down”. 

“Are you blackmailing me?” Pasquale asked, boiling with anger, and aimed his gun at Lovino’s head. “What the hell, lad. Were you working for him all this time? What is he to you, anyway? You swore to kill him and yet, here you are!” 

“I swear, Pasquale,” Lovino said, defiant, “I will make your life a living hell if you hurt him”. 

Pasquale burst out laughing. 

“Did he bribe you into this?” Pasquale asked. Lovino kept silent. “What if I kill you?” Pasquale asked then, loading his gun, “It will take you more than this to intimidate me, kiddo”. 

“Kill me,” Lovino said, his voice softening when he saw Antonio sitting at his window and staring down at them, “and you are going to die next”. 

Pasquale glanced over his shoulder and swore loudly when he saw Antonio’s rifle being pointed at him. 

“And then he won’t mind dying too, just so you know,” Lovino continued, his eyes fixed on Antonio. 

“You are unbelievable,” Pasquale muttered under his breath. 

“Pasquale,” Lovino said, tearing his gaze away from Antonio to focus on the older man. “I swear I won’t do anything if you let him live. I’ll keep working for you, but not here. But even if I am not here, I will be kept informed, I assure you of that. As long as Carriedo lives, I am not going to harm you”. 

“You are one of a kind, kiddo,” Pasquale said. “I always liked you. You could have taken my place, and I would have given it to you gladly. In the end, your pathetic attempt at blackmailing is a win-win situation for me. I won’t kill him, Romano. Move north and be my informant there”. 

“I will,” Lovino swore. 

Pasquale nodded and put his gun away. He glanced over his shoulder again and ran a hand through his thinning hair. 

“They do say he is a pedophile,” Pasquale commented. “But to see someone actually love him back…” he trailed off and shook his head in disappointment. Lovino’s face remained impassive. 

“Suit yourself, see if I care,” Pasquale said. “Just remember, working for me is a lifetime deal until I say stop. You can blackmail me, you can try and hinder my plans, if you wish, but I will always have the upper hand. You can’t just waltz away from me. Remember, I might have proposed the deal, but you were the one who shook hands with me. It will take you a lot more than this to wipe me out of your life”. 

Lovino kept his mouth shut. 

“But I’m an honest man,” Pasquale continued. “I’ll keep him alive for you”. 

Lovino nodded and finally turned on his heels. He kept walking, feeling Pasquale’s gaze burning holes in the back of his shirt. He passed the gates and kept walking right into the woods, where once upon a time Antonio and he had kissed for the first time. It was at that point that a sob escaped Lovino’s throat. The tears gushed down his cheeks. He wiped them away with the back of his hands, but it was futile. 

Lovino was finally free. Not from Pasquale, but from slavery. He owned his life. His body. His soul. And he was never going to see Antonio again. 

The sobs tore through his chest. He kept walking and bit his lips hard. His eyes stung. He kept walking. 

His lungs burned. His hands shook violently. He had a stuffy nose and his hair was a mess. He kept walking. He abandoned his empty gun holster on the way. 

Lovino didn’t realize he wasn’t alone until the coach suddenly obstructed his path. A man hopped off of it and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Lovino hid his face in the crook of the other’s neck. 

“Come on, we have to go,” Feliciano whispered in his ear, and Lovino shook his head no. His legs refused to move, but then another pair of stronger arms helped him on his feet and pushed him on the coach. 

“Is Antonio alive?” a man’s voice asked when Feliciano closed the door behind him and slid into the seat next to Lovino. 

“He is, Francis,” Feliciano answered in Lovino’s place. Lovino looked up at the familiar blond man sitting on the lackey’s seat and then shifted his gaze on Ludwig next to him, who was scrutinizing their surroundings, pistol in hand. Everything felt like a dream. 

“Come on, let’s go,” Ludwig ordered and Francis whipped his riding crop to steer the horses forwards. Lovino let out a sigh of relief and grabbed Feliciano’s hand. His brother snapped his attention to him, shocked by Lovino’s unexpected need for human contact. Lovino, however, kept his eyes fixed on Francis’ back. 

“Sleep, Lovino,” Feliciano whispered. “You must be exhausted”. 

“Don’t be a mother hen, Feli,” Lovino reproached him. “I’m fine,” he said but closed his eyes anyway. Feliciano held him close, his thumb massaging the back of his hand. 

It would take him some time, Lovino thought before he passed out from fatigue, but he would manage. He would forget Antonio’s kisses. He would even forget his name. He would forget someone trying to stop Adnan from kidnapping him. He would forget his face, the sound of his voice. He would forget sleeping peacefully next to him. He would forget green eyes that looked at him so affectionately as if he were a God. He would forget the first time someone told him they loved him. He would forget a letter carved on the trunk of a lemon tree. He would forget someone trying to teach him guitar. He would forget that the golden cross lying against his chest didn’t really belong to him. 

He would forget that once upon a time there was a woman and man that tried their best to be his parents. He would forget the smell of tobacco, the taste of waffles for breakfast. He would forget a busty woman that envied him because she never had the chance to break free. He would forget the whipping, the pain, the fear of being eaten by wolves. He would forget a man who had given his life to save his. He would forget Pasquale’s smirk. He would forget Maria’s caresses. He would laugh at his own stupidity. He would try to remember who was the one crying, whether it was Feliciano or him, when they first brought them to that scary mansion. He would even forget such a mansion existed. 

He definitely would. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are. This is the end of 'The lemon tree'. I want to thank each and every one of you for your awesome comments, the love and the kudos. I would have never bothered to re-edit this if it weren't for you! I hope you had fun with this as much as I did writing it. Guys, I'm kind of sad this is over, but all good things must come to an end, right? So enjoy the last chapter, and if you have any question, feel free to drop it either here or on my tumblr page. Thank you again! <3<3<3

###  Chapter Fifteen 

_Seven years later._

Lovino Vargas’ most valuable possession was his car. It was a piece of junk that was worth less than what Lovino paid for it, but it was _his_ car and he loved it. Not many could afford one, and Lovino had worked day in day out to be able to buy one from the first car seller opening in town. The fact that someone like Lovino had the right to spend his money on an advanced piece of technology like that was a clear sign that the revolution had served its purpose. 

Lovino couldn’t say they reached that utopian level of freedom the Resistance strived so hard for. It was true that slavery was no more, but there was always someone making money off the poor, and to slog away in order to earn enough to get by was not Lovino’s idea of an independent life. He wasn’t going to complain, though. He might be poor, but he was a free spirit. No one stopped him when he decided to learn to drive his baby on his own. No one asked who Lovino and Feliciano worked for when they decided to buy that small house in the outskirts of town. 

To be able to finally live with his brother was quite a feat. That part of the country they decided to move in was a vast stretch of paddy land to the west and vineyards to the east. It was really cold in the winter, hot and stuffy in the summer, and humid in between, but Lovino didn’t care. What was really important was the fact he was alive. He couldn’t quite believe that he had tried to commit suicide when he was younger. 

During the war he almost died more than once. Lovino didn’t want to experience that ever again. Hiding in a trench, waiting for sunrise and listening to people shot at each other was something that could change anyone’s soul. Feliciano and Lovino were lucky they had Ludwig by their side. The blond had run to their rescue enough times to earn the title ‘guardian angel’. Sure, Lovino owned him one but he had never thought he ought to repay him by arranging a private room for him in Lovino’s house. 

At least Ludwig was an honest man and helped out in their garden. He harvested potatoes, helped Lovino with his tomatoes and accompanied him every two days to the marketplace to sell their products while Feliciano worked in the rice factory. Lovino was busy with catering too, but fortunately Ludwig was too occupied by his part time job as a mechanic to bother Lovino while he worked in the kitchen.

Lovino would even go as far as to say that he was happy if it wasn’t for Ludwig, his bossiness and Feliciano clinging to the blond like a baby monkey to its mother. Lovino wouldn’t even mind Ludwig so much if it wasn’t for the fact he sometimes borrowed Lovino’s car without asking for permission first. 

Like that day. 

“Oh, no, he didn’t!” Lovino growled, staring at the spot on the front yard where he usually parked the car –now empty. “Feliciano!” he shouted loudly, turning his head towards the house. A face immediately popped out of one of the windows. 

“What?” Feliciano asked, puzzlement clear on his face. 

“Your fucking friend took my car, _again_!” Lovino shouted. 

“Ludwig’s coming back in a few,” Feliciano reasoned. “He just went grocery shopping. He might be strong and lean, but you can’t expect him to bring everything we need all on his own and on foot, no less!” 

“At least he could have asked me first,” Lovino retorted. 

“He’s part of the family,” Feliciano said, rolling his eyes. “I thought it was a given”. 

Lovino gagged. 

“Part of the family?” he cried out, making Feliciano wince. “If he’s family to you then I should better leave, shouldn’t I? So you can live happily together, doing everything you please, without asking big bad wolf Lovino for permission first!” 

“Why is it always all or nothing with you?” Feliciano exclaimed and angrily shut the window. Lovino’s eyes became as wide as saucers, and he put his hands on his waist, upset. 

“Well, you are going to regret it one day!” Lovino shouted. “I’m going to leave you and then you are going to shed bitter tears because I won’t come back!” 

Feliciano didn’t open the window to reply. Lovino groaned and threw his arms up in the air in frustration. He furiously kicked a pebble down the alley and walked around the house to the back garden, where he grew his tomatoes. 

It wasn’t like Lovino hadn’t thought about living on his own. Truth be told, he could perfectly have some peace in that house as well. Neither Ludwig nor Feliciano dared to disturb him when he barricaded himself in his room, where he had crammed all of his stuff on self-made shelves and under the bed. Ludwig said he had some kind of compulsive hoarding disorder, but Lovino was sure he did not. He wasn’t picking up trash, after all, but everyday items that could be reused or sold in case of emergency.

Lovino just wanted a house he could call his own, and he had found one two streets away from where they were living now. The house was not big, but it was in serious need of a renovation and it was on the market for over a year. The purchase price was high, but thanks to his savings, he was getting there. 

While Lovino was pruning the plants, an idea slowly formed in his mind. There was a way to shorten this whole procedure, but Lovino was too afraid to put his plan into action. Far away from there, deeply hidden under a lonely lemon tree, there was a bag of golden coins that might help him out. Unfortunately, he had no idea if the mansion still existed or if Pasquale and his gang were living there, and frankly he wasn’t in the mood to find out. What if someone had already uprooted that damn tree? It was a long way to get there and it could turn out to be a waste of gas and time. 

Lovino focused his whole attention on the weeds instead. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t heard from Pasquale in ages. The moment the war broke out, Pasquale had stopped sending out orders through his minions. What if Pasquale was dead? Maybe the mansion was empty, after all. 

“Hey, Lovino,” Ludwig’s voice pushed him out of his thoughts, and Lovino looked up at the blond man towering him. “Feliciano said you’re angry at me, again”. 

“No shit,” Lovino said, putting his pruners down and standing up. “I needed the car too, you know”. 

Ludwig raised an eyebrow, but Lovino clicked his tongue in annoyance and averted his eyes. 

“I have…” he hesitated, “I need to head south for some business,” Lovino said. 

“Business,” Ludwig repeated, clearly unconvinced. Lovino shuffled his feet nervously, but then stood up straighter and clenched his jaw, determined. 

“Yeah,” Lovino finally said. “I need to buy some ingredients I can’t find here for a catering order. I wanted to leave today, but I guess I’ll go tomorrow”. 

Ludwig stared at him for a long moment in silence, as if he were trying to read Lovino’s mind. Lovino held his gaze, although his thoughts began to wander. Was he really going to do this? Maybe he shouldn’t. What if things go irremediably wrong? He had sworn to himself that he would never step into that mansion again. 

“You could have told me, though,” Ludwig said. 

“I received the order this morning,” Lovino quickly replied and without another word, kneeled down on the earth again and started pulling weeds. He heard Ludwig walk back inside, but Lovino was too deep into his thoughts to pay him any heed. 

Feliciano was shocked too by Lovino’s sudden decision and although he too didn’t seem to believe Lovino’s words, he didn’t ask any questions. 

The next morning, Lovino hopped on his car and started the engine with his heart beating fast against his chest. He knew Ludwig and Feliciano were watching him from their windows, but Lovino didn’t glance over his shoulder to check. He threw the bag with his things on the back seat and pulled out in the driveway. It wouldn’t take him the whole day to reach the southern part of the country, but it was a long way to go. Too many hours alone with his thoughts couldn’t be healthy, and Lovino wondered if he should just steer the wheel and drive back home. 

He didn’t. 

He had enough fuel for the ride back. He knew there was a gas station on the way. He had food and water with him and spare clothes in case he had to stop for the night. He had planned everything to a tee like Ludwig would do, and Lovino wondered why he had. 

The long driving hours ticked by in complete silence. The landscape changed and the closer he got to destination the hotter the air got. The lush fields were soon replaced by vast stretches of arid land. Lovino didn’t remember it to be so barren. He stopped to ask for directions at least five times, and the moon had already risen by the time he reached his old town. 

Lovino was thinking of stopping in some hotel for the night, when he suddenly recognized the road that led to the mansion. He abruptly stepped on the brakes and stared at it with eyes wide with wonder. The woods surrounding him were eerily quiet and the silence was broken by the ticking noise coming from the over-heated engine. 

Lovino’s breathing quickened, and he rubbed the nape of his neck to calm himself down. He leaned against the seat and focused his eyes on the road ahead. It was pretty late. What if Pasquale was there? What would happen if they met after seven years without hearing from each other? He was unarmed. Lovino put his hands over his eyes and took a deep breath. He thought he got over it. It’s been years, after all, but there it was again, that feeling of being trapped.

Lovino slammed his hands against the steering wheel and started the engine again. He followed the road up to the mansion, his eyes shifting from side to side, waiting for something to come out from the shadows. He was completely alone. 

Finally, the mansion appeared in front of him. The gates were still standing, unlocked and slightly rusted. The fountain was in ruins. The mansion itself was boarded up and in danger of collapse. Lovino halted the car and hopped off. It was clear that the mansion had been completely abandoned, and Lovino pushed the gates open, afraid they were going to fall on him. 

Lovino walked up to the front doors but the wooden boards made it impossible to get inside. He scratched his head, twisted his lips and tried with one of the windows instead. It was futile. 

“Fuck,” he swore into the night and crossed the front yard to his car. He decided to walk around the protective walls in search of a way in. Lovino took each step carefully, a hand hovering above the wall, but the moon was so bright above him there was no way he could trip. 

It took him ten minutes to reach the back, and Lovino let out a gasp when he realized that the southern walls had completely collapsed. A blooming lemon tree stood in the middle of the debris, brimming with life, its branches stretching out in the sky. Lovino quickly stepped over the ruins and walked over to it, shooting a worried look at his surroundings. The weeds had taken over; the orange trees were dead, the old cabin was no more. Only the lemon tree survived, and Lovino ran a hand over its trunk, tracing an old scar with his fingertips. It oddly resembled the first letter of the alphabet

Lovino felt like laughing. 

He fell on his knees and started frantically digging a hole using his hands. When he finally found what he’d been looking for, Lovino let out a scream of joy. He brushed the dirt off the bag and opened it to peek inside. 

“Thank you, lady Fortune,” Lovino said, smirking, and took a single golden coin out to inspect it. Satisfied, Lovino closed the bag again and stood up. He shot a look behind him at the abandoned mansion and let his eyes linger on the back door a little longer than necessary. He immediately shook his head no and took a step forwards towards the debris, before he suddenly changed his mind and turned towards the door again. 

He crossed the back yard and gently put his hands on the wooden door, wondering why this hadn’t been boarded up yet. He pushed it, and the door unexpectedly fell off its hinges. Lovino coughed violently when the sudden movement whipped up a cloud of dust right into his face. Lovino looked away and waited for the dust to settle down before facing the black hole in front of him. Summoning all the courage he had, he took a tentative step inside. 

Cobwebs covered every corner. The moonlight seeped through the cracks in the windows and the walls, casting skewed shadows on the floor. Lovino’s legs moved on his own and the steps creaked under his weight as he climbed upstairs. The mansion was empty: the pictures on the walls, the expensive vases and even the furniture had been stolen. There was only a reminder of human presence here and there: a cigarette, a broken broom, a bullet. 

Lovino walked down the corridor, grateful for the moonlight guiding his footsteps. When he finally stood in front of Antonio’s room, Lovino’s heart made a flip in his chest. He pushed the door open, wincing at the creaking sound. As expected, the room was practically empty. The piano was broken in half, ripped pages covered part of the floor along with the dust and there was a rectangular dent in the floor where the bed used to be. 

Lovino took a step farther in and looked down in terror when tiles creaked. He had to get out of there before the ceiling collapsed, he thought, and turned on his heels when he suddenly noticed a strange oval thing peeking out from under the broken piano. He hastily made his way there and picked it up, blinking in surprise when he realized that it was the lower part of Antonio’s guitar. 

“Look at that,” Lovino whistled, blowing the dust away. He tilted his head to the side when he spotted a carving on its rear. “What the fuck?” 

He squinted his eyes and brought it closer to the moonlight to read it. It said: _I will always belong to you. A.F.C._. Lovino dropped it as if burned and shot up on his feet. 

The tiles creaked again, and Lovino turned around and made a bee line to the door. He didn’t look behind as he quickly climbed the stairs down and stepped outside. Lovino kept walking, past the lemon tree and past the debris, following the same path he had taken to get there. He hopped on his car and leaned against the driver’s seat, his hands tightly wrapped around his bag. 

He fell asleep in his car, regretting it the morning after when he woke up with a stiff neck and a backache. He hopped off and stretched his hands in the air, cursing slightly when he realized he had nothing to eat for breakfast. The gradually appearance of the sun flooded the mansion in a new light, but it failed to give it its old splendor back. Lovino thought it actually looked pitiful. Soon enough the ivy would invade the façade, the gates were going to disintegrate and it would all soon become barely recognizable. It was already difficult to imagine that people used to live there, slaves, servants, and rich landowners sharing a roof. 

Lovino decided to park the car under one of the pistachios trees and hide his bag of money somewhere safe before heading to town to get some food and fresh water. He slicked his hair back and ran a hand over his two-day stubble. Hopefully, no one would recognize him. 

His hands started shaking when he met the first townspeople making their way to the fields. It was still early in the morning, but the laundresses were already walking all together with their linen stacked in their laundry baskets. They giggled when he passed through them, and Lovino flashed them a bright smile, making them swoon. 

It was at that point that Lovino realized the big mistake he had committed. Lovino was looking around in search of a tavern when someone yanked him by the shirt. 

“Romano Vargas?” a woman asked, her voice shaking. Lovino looked at her, and her lips quivered as her eyes wandered all over his face. 

“Y-you must be mistaken,” Lovino said, batting her hand away and taking a step back. She put her basket down and grabbed his arm, and Lovino finally recognized her. Maria.

“I would recognize that walk everywhere,” she said, overwhelmed with dread. “You were dead,” she whispered. “Pasquale told us you were dead. I saw the burned body with my own eyes. Romano”. 

Lovino opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of the water, and Maria finally let go of him. Lovino looked around him in panic when the young woman burst out crying. The rest of the laundresses shared worried looks, but before one of them could ask Maria what was wrong, she raised her hand to keep them from coming closer. 

“I’m sorry,” she shouted at them in between sobs. “I thought of the baby. Give me a few minutes”. 

The women nodded and finally left them alone. Maria wiped her tears with the back of her hand and bended down to pick her basket up. Lovino looked at her in puzzlement but didn’t protest when she grabbed him by the arm again and dragged him in a deserted alley. 

“Was Pasquale lying?” Maria asked, her wet eyes brimming with hope. “Because there was no way I’m mistaken. You are Romano Vargas”. 

Lovino shot a look around him and heaved out a sigh of relief when he realized there were indeed alone. Maria nodded and put the basket back down. 

“I’m sorry, I guess I wasn’t supposed to recognize you,” she said. “Are you going to kill me?” 

“What?” Lovino cried. “No!” 

“I just had a miscarriage. Actually, I had more than one in these past two years,” Maria said, averting her eyes. “I am a disgrace to my family. Everybody would be happy if you killed me”. 

“Please, Maria, don’t be stupid,” Lovino said, putting his hands on her shoulders, and Maria looked up at him in surprise. 

“You look different. You act different,” she whispered. Tears started rolling down her face, and Lovino pulled her into a crushing hug. She sobbed against his chest, and Lovino whispered soothing words into her ear. When she finally calmed down, Lovino let her go and slid down to the ground. 

“Why did you think I was dead?” Lovino asked, watching Maria sitting down in front of him. She dried her eyes with her apron and looked at him. 

“Pasquale told us so,” Maria said. “A shepherd found a dead body in a gutter, and Pasquale immediately told us it was you. Someone burned him alive. It was grotesque. I thought he had been the one to kill you, but since I’m not supposed to ask, I’m not sure”. 

“Where is Pasquale now?” Lovino asked. Maria shook her head. 

“Dead,” she replied. “Along with the rest of them”. 

Lovino’s forehead creased and his heart started to beat faster. 

“A rival gang killed them all two years after the war broke out,” she continued, shooting a sad look at her dirty apron. “There was a traitor among them, who sold them out. Now don Carlo is in control. He laughed at Pasquale’s plans and decided to do things his way. Now even the tavern we used to hang out in is closed because it reminded him too much of his rival”. 

“What about the mansion?” Lovino asked, and Maria blinked at him, uncomprehending. 

“The mansion?” she repeated, but Lovino shook his head and leaned back against the wall. 

“No one must know I’m here,” Lovino told her. “If you recognized me, someone else will too and I don’t want to meet this don Carlo, ever”. 

She smiled bitterly at him. 

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” Maria said, and Lovino’s breath hitched. He immediately recognized the signs and he rushed to her side on all fours, squeezing her hands in his. 

“Don’t ever think about it,” he reproached her. “You are young, you have time. No man is worth your life, Maria. Miscarriages happen, and if he loves you, he is not going to blame you for it. Have patience”. 

Maria’s hands gripped onto his, and she fixed her eyes on him. Lovino smiled encouragingly, and the woman’s lips quirked slightly upwards. 

“I was so in love with you, Romano,” Maria said, voice cracking. “I wished I could have married you instead. I’m so glad you’re alive”. 

Maria let go of his hand to caress his cheek and another sob escaped her throat. Lovino hugged her again and slowly helped her back on her feet. She wiped her eyes on her apron and shot a glimpse at the street. 

“I think you should leave town,” Maria whispered. 

“I can’t,” Lovino said. “I need to buy food and water first”. 

“Wait here,” Maria ordered him. “I’ll bring you something,” she promised him and walked quickly away. Lovino let out a sigh and did as told. 

Lovino didn’t wait long. Ten minutes later Maria was back with two loaves of bread and a bottle of water. 

“What about the women who saw us together?” Lovino asked. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Maria said with confidence. “I’ll deal with them. It’s easy to put them on the wrong track”. She pushed him out of the alley and picked her basket up. “Now go”. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” Lovino said. “One day you are going to laugh at your own stupidity. I promise you that”. 

“I believe you, Romano,” Maria said after a moment of silence and smiled softly at him. “If I ever have a baby I will name them after you, so they will be as strong and kind as you are”. 

Maria’s words brought tears to his eyes. Lovino thanked her and finally walked away. Maria stared after him for a moment longer, then stood up straighter and walked in the other direction. 

* * *

In the days that followed, Lovino couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened on his excursion to the south. The moment he returned back home and showed the local products he had bought on the way back, Feliciano and Ludwig seemed relieved to see that Lovino wasn’t acting any different. At first, the fact that Lovino started to get busy with his catering business reassured Feliciano immensely. 

Lovino, however, didn’t have complete piece of mind. So many things had changed within a period of seven years. Pasquale was dead, which meant he had actually got rid of him years before without him knowing. However, Romano Vargas Jr. was dead to the world too. What if Antonio got wind of it? What if Pasquale told him and pushed the idiot to do the unthinkable? What if Pasquale had bluffed and Antonio was not in this world anymore? Why should Lovino care, anyway? 

Antonio could be alive and well. Maybe he was living in a villa in his hometown. Lovino would have gone to check him out if he knew where Antonio’s hometown was. Maybe he didn’t even make it out of the war alive. Lovino had no idea what a guy like Antonio could do. Actually, he had no idea who Antonio really was. There were many things Lovino had never bothered to ask. 

“Anybody home?” someone shouted from the front yard, and Lovino dropped his knife on the kitchen counter and rushed to open the window. Feliciano was working in the rice factory, while Ludwig had taken his car –again- and was running some errands somewhere. Lovino didn’t expect company, but as soon as he spotted Francis peeking over the fence, Lovino realized he was in serious need of someone to talk to. 

Francis Bonnefoy, ex-Resistance member, was now their neighbor. He lived five minutes away from them, so close that Lovino could smell his stinky escargot and onion soup from his back garden. It was a real martyrdom every Sunday afternoon. 

“What the heck are you doing here?” Lovino shouted from the window, and Francis snapped his head to him. 

“Is Ludwig here?” Francis asked back. “He asked for a sack of potatoes, so I brought him one”. 

“Potatoes?” Lovino repeated, scrunching up his nose. “I’m sick and tired of potatoes. Take them back”. 

“They are not for you, darling,” Francis said, snickering, and pushed the gate open. 

“Whatever,” Lovino said beckoning him inside. “I need to talk to you”. 

“Oh ho!” Francis exclaimed. “Are you finally giving in to my advances?” 

“No chance in hell, bastard,” Lovino said and opened the front door. Francis dropped the sack of potatoes on the porch and wiped the sweat from his eyebrows with the back of his right hand. Lovino scanned him from head to toe, and his scowled deepened when Francis made a bee line to the kitchen and sat down at their table as if he owned the house. Lovino figured Francis couldn’t do otherwise; he was born into nobility, after all. 

“You’re as charming as always,” Francis said, running a hand through his hair. 

“I know, thank you,” Lovino replied, and sat down in front of the other man. 

“People never believe when I say I knew you way before the revolution started,” Francis said. “I actually can’t believe it myself”. 

Lovino didn’t rise to the bait. He wasn’t in the mood for playful banters with his perverted neighbor. 

“Speaking of which…” Lovino trailed off, tapping his fingers on the table. Francis’ teasing smile slowly disappeared from his face, and the blond eyed Lovino apprehensively. 

“Did something happen on your trip to the south?” Francis asked, taking Lovino totally aback. 

“Were you speaking behind my back?” Lovino asked, annoyed. “And, anyway, how’s that even relevant? I went there to buy some things. It was not some kind of get-together with old friends or something equally stupid. The south is big, you know. There are millions of villages!”. 

“So?” Francis prompted. 

“I was just thinking,” Lovino snapped, looking out of the window. “A-are you still in contact with Carriedo? Or any of your fancy friends. Not that I care, it’s just-!” 

Francis’ face softened. 

“He was a really lonely man, don’t you think?” Francis asked, taking Lovino totally off guard. Lovino stared at him as if he had grown a second head, but Francis continued before he could ask any question. 

“When you are rich and have someone do everything for you, you get a lot of free time in your hands and no idea how to kill it,” Francis said, a melancholy look crossing his pale face. “I had a lot of friends. Lovers. I loved to party and spend my money in new clothes and perfumes and jewelry. It took me a while to see what an empty life that was. I walked around and saw people starving. People who had practically nothing, that would do everything in their power to buy a cupful of rice just so their kids could go to sleep with their stomachs full”. 

“It’s nice to be rich,” Lovino muttered, and Francis’ blue eyes fixed on his. 

“Yes, it is,” Francis said, “but money is not everything, is it?” 

Lovino shrugged. 

“Anyway,” Francis said scratching the wood grain in Lovino’s table with his nail. “I felt like I was committing an injustice. Why did I have so much and everybody else did not? So I decided to leave. I turned my back to my family and joined the Resistance, where I met your brother”. 

“That’s so unfortunate”. 

Francis snickered. 

“I guess what I want to say is,” Francis continued, “Antonio too had a lot of time in his hands and no purpose in life. His cousin hated him. He had no friends besides us. A few lovers, sure, but that’s about it. The Carriedos came from a little town like the one you lived while you were a slave to him. Their trading business made them rich. Their fame and legacy was built step by step, and when Antonio’s parents died he suddenly became in charge of a very huge fortune. He was born to be greedy”. 

Lovino lowered his head. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear the rest of the story, but Francis seemed intent on continuing. 

“Your father, Romano Vargas, was more powerful than him. He almost crushed the Carriedos, but left the marketplace before he could merge their companies. Antonio was not even born back then, but your father left an impression on him all the same. We don’t even want to know what the Carriedos said of your father. Fact is, Antonio started to want to be like Romano Vargas. He always needed a purpose in life, and that was a good dream as any”. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Lovino asked suddenly. “Do you want to rub my dad’s greatness in my face again?” 

“No, this is not about your father,” Francis said with a sad smile. “I’m trying to tell you that Antonio stopped being a landowner the moment he met you”. 

Lovino’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Striving to be great can consume you,” Francis said. “Antonio thought there was nothing more important than gold and new lands to conquer. Romano Vargas had managed to make the Carriedos kneel once, and it should never happen again. He was stubborn and lost his temper easily. When something didn’t go according to plan, the alcohol was there to remind him what he should do. Truth be told, drinking to achieve a certain state of mind is not ideal”. 

“I know,” Lovino said. 

“I don’t think he was an alcoholic,” Francis said, scratching his stubble absentmindedly. “He was a good business man and he rarely resorted to alcohol. That’s not what alcoholics do”. 

“Stop justifying him,” Lovino snapped. “He was a stupid man”. 

“He was,” Francis said, laughing. “Moreover he was a hopeless romantic”. 

“Be that as it may, I don’t remember him drinking when he started getting poor,” Lovino said. 

“Because by the time Adnan and Jones destroyed his trading business, Antonio’s purpose in life was not to get rich anymore,” Francis explained. Lovino almost jumped back in surprise. 

“Adnan had a grudge against him,” Francis said. “Jones was young but getting stronger. Antonio had no chance against them. Step by step they bought his stocks in the market. The marketplace started promoting Jones and his new ideas, and Carriedo was left behind. Technology won over tradition”. 

“I see,” Lovino said, although he wasn’t sure if he got it right. 

“But to Antonio that didn’t matter anymore,” Francis said. “He was a different person. He was happier, and it didn’t matter if he had to sell his business to make ends meet. You changed him”. 

Lovino averted his eyes. 

“Do you think he’s still alive?” Lovino asked, his voice just above a whisper, and his face fell when Francis shrugged. 

“I have no idea,” Francis said. “The last time I talked to him was way before the war broke out”. 

Lovino heaved a sigh and stood up from his chair. He heard his car pull up in front of their house, and Lovino mentally prepared himself for a fight over the potato sack sitting on the porch. 

“I might know someone who does, though,” Francis said, and Lovino snapped to attention. “His cousin. I know where he lives”. 

Lovino had no idea why, but his heart filled up with hope again. 

It took Lovino a month, however, to finally make up his mind. The journey to Martim Brandao’s hometown was a long one, and Lovino didn’t know how to explain his long absence to Feliciano. All in all, Lovino wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know if Antonio was alive or not. In the end curiosity got the best of him, and Lovino prepared for a trip to Portugal under the guise of a man tired with routine and in need of vacation. Ludwig clearly didn’t believe him. He couldn’t see how a lazy-bum like Lovino could be in need of vacation, when the real hardworking one was Feliciano slogging away in the rice factory. Lovino knew that Ludwig didn’t like him, but Lovino didn’t like him back, so there was no reason for him to explain himself to him. Feliciano gave him permission to go, and the catering business closed for a month. 

Lovino took his car and left. All he wanted to do was make sure Antonio was alright and return back home. Details were not important, and if Brandao could provide him with that information, then Lovino didn’t need anything else. 

It took him a week to reach his destination, but just a few hours to find Brandao’s house. The town where Carriedo’s cousin lived was a small one, and everybody knew everybody. He just needed to ask to the first fisherman he met on the way in order to knock on the right door. 

Lovino didn’t expect the house to be pink. Neither did he expect to see Antonio’s double answering the door. Lovino took an imperceptible step back when Brandao, wearing a white button down shirt with a popped collar and aviator goggles around his neck, fixed his green eyes at him. Lovino stared at him; Brandao stared right back. 

“Err…” Lovino said, suddenly at a loss for words, and Brandao smiled kindly at him, tucking a strand of brown hair behind his ear. Lovino unconsciously reached for the necklace around his neck, and Brandao carefully followed his movements. 

“Did Antonio send you?” Brandao asked, clicking his tongue in annoyance when he recognized the necklace around Lovino’s neck. “What did he do this time?” 

“Carriedo is alive?” Lovino asked, heart beating fast, and Brandao laughed. 

“Fernández Carriedo,” Brandao said. A puzzled look crossed Lovino’s face, and Brandao continued: “Everyone thinks that Carriedo is his last name, but it´s not. It´s Fernández Carriedo. Hey, you look pale. You want to come in? I have coffee and rabanadas. It’s like French toast. You know French toast? Why are you still there? Come on in,” Brandao pulled him inside and closed the door. Lovino followed him inside and didn’t protest when the man pushed him towards one of the couches. “Call me Martim,” Brandao said, smiling amiably at him. 

“I’m Lovino Vargas,” Lovino introduced himself, scratching his head in embarrassment. 

“Vargas, huh?” Martim repeated. “So coffee?” 

“Thanks,” Lovino said, not knowing what else to say. Martim disappeared in what Lovino supposed to be the kitchen, and Lovino let his eyes wander over the other’s living room. Expensive paintings decorated the walls and the antique furniture had obviously costed a million, but all in all Martim seemed to be living quite modestly. Lovino wondered if he had been a rich landowner like Antonio, or if he had chosen a different path to walk than his cousin. Lovino didn’t want to ask and accepted the coffee and the rabanadas Martim brought without a fuss. 

“You used to work for Antonio, didn’t you?” Martim asked sitting down in front of him. “Since Antonio abandoned his mansion and moved back in his old hometown, he stopped talking about his old servants. How are you doing?” 

Lovino almost chocked on his coffee. 

“W-well,” he muttered. 

“Those gangsters,” Martim said, shaking his head. “Taking over someone else’s propriety, steal all valuable items and then boarding it up like they owned it... Despicable, that what it is. I told Antonio: ‘Why don’t you take it back?’ and he said he had no reason to. Well, he could have given it to me, but no, he doesn’t want me to have something nice”. 

“You’re not missing out on anything,” Lovino interrupted him. “That mansion looks like shit”. 

“Of course it does,” Martim said. “It was Antonio’s after all. He has bad taste in everything. His bravado pisses me off. How could you stand him?” 

Lovino wanted to laugh. 

“I have no idea”. 

“I guess you are just one of those few who didn’t misunderstand him,” Martim continued. “I hate him as much as anyone, but going as far as to call him a pedophile? That’s low, man”. 

Lovino cocked his ears. 

“I guess he brought it upon himself, though,” Martim continued. 

“What do you mean?” Lovino asked, curious. 

“Well, when his parents died, he started collecting orphans as someone would collect stamps. Most of them were destined to become prostitutes,” Martim said, shaking his head in disappointment. “So people started talking and said that Antonio was into underage sex and shit. Antonio, however, being the naïve guy he is didn’t put an end to the rumors. I think he never actually realized they were calling him that”. 

“But why did he buy all of those children?” Lovino asked. “They became slaves anyway”. 

“Oh, come on. Being a slave in Antonio’s mansion was no worse than being sexually abused day in day out, was it? He knew what being an orphan was like, and he just thought that his solution to the problem was the lesser of two evils”. 

Lovino had no idea. He slowly put his cup of coffee on the coffee table in front of him, and looked up at Martim’s amiable face. 

“I’m searching for him,” Lovino said, using the little courage he had. He knew that he had been a special case and that Antonio had brought him because he wanted to take revenge on Romano Vargas for what he had done to his family. But to know there was a second, much more human reason behind it? Lovino’s heart broke. “I don’t know where to find him”. 

“He’s back in his old hometown,” Martim promptly replied. “I can draw you a map if you like. It’s going to take you a day to get there, and you still look pale. Do you want to take a nap before you head there? I have a guest room upstairs”. 

Lovino didn’t wake up until the morning after. 

Even if they didn’t know each other very well, Martim treated him like a long lost friend and even gave him food and water for his trip. Lovino liked him immediately and wondered why the two cousins didn’t get along. Lovino supposed it was because of Carriedo’s family business, but he didn’t bother to ask. 

When he finally arrived at Antonio’s hometown, it was already dark. The absence of people in the streets meant that Lovino had no one to ask for directions, and he decided to spend the night in some inn and call it a day. The town was a little bit smaller than the one Feliciano and he were currently living in, but it curiously resembled the one some miles away from Antonio’s mansion. Lovino would go as far as to say that it actually smelt like home. The building’s architectural style was kind of peculiar but not that weird. 

It was strange to think that Antonio was born there and that he had spent his childhood years playing along with the other kids in the town square. Thinking back on it, however, Lovino realized that Antonio had probably spent his time alone in his room. He had to grow fast in order to take charge of the family business. Francis said Antonio had been a lonely man, didn’t he? 

Lovino pushed those thoughts away and eyed his surroundings. There were some shops, a lot of restaurants and just one inn, where Lovino could stay the night. He had no other choice; he had to ask if they had a spare room there and if not, he was going to sleep in the car. 

He yawned loudly and made a bee line to the inn’s front door. As soon as he stepped inside, however, all thoughts of a good sleep vanished into thin air. 

“I’m sorry, we’re closed,” someone said when the bell above the door clinked, marking Lovino’s entrance. Lovino froze when a familiar pair of eyes looked up from the counter he was cleaning to him. 

Antonio blinked at Lovino, who opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of the water. Antonio slowly put his dirty rag on the counter, and Lovino’s heart skipped a beat. No way, he thought. No fucking way. 

But there he was, as gorgeous as Lovino remembered him to be. Antonio was alive. Lovino’s breathing quickened, but before he could find the courage to speak, Antonio spoke: 

“Am I dreaming?” 

The tension in the room got thick. Lovino had no idea what to do and he took a hesitant step backwards when Antonio moved around the counter to stand in front of him. Lovino’s shoulder hit against the closed door. 

Should he leave? Should he lie and say that Antonio was mistaken? Should he run back to his car and return back home? Antonio was alive, wasn’t it? That was all Lovino wanted to know, wasn’t it? Lovino blushed. 

“I-!” he began, gulped down, tried again: “I wanted-! W-well, I probably should-!” 

“Are you here to eat or to sleep?” Antonio asked instead, breaking the awkward silence that had formed between them. “Because the kitchen’s closed for the night,” Antonio explained. “But I could whip up something if you’re hungry”.

“N-no,” Lovino said, furrowing his eyebrows. Antonio’s words didn’t make any sense to him. “Do you work here?” he asked, voice cracking. 

“The inn is mine,” Antonio replied. 

“I just want a room,” Lovino said. 

“I have a spare one,” Antonio said, smiling brightly at him. He stretched out his hand to take Lovino’s suitcase, but Lovino violently shook his head no. Antonio withdrew his hand and beckoned him to follow him. Lovino shot a look around him and climbed the stairs up after Antonio, who grabbed a pair of keys from under a counter situated on the second floor and handed it to him. 

“Here,” Antonio said, cheerful, standing in front a door on the furthest end of the corridor. Lovino eyed him warily and unlocked the door, which opened with a muffled thud. He took a tentative step inside. It was smaller than his room back home, but it felt cozy enough. It had a single bed, a bedside table and a wardrobe, and Lovino supposed he had to share the bathroom with the other guests. Lovino didn’t want to ask. 

He turned to face Antonio again and he was surprised to see that Antonio hadn’t followed him inside. Lovino unceremoniously dropped the suitcase on the bed and sat down next to it. Antonio’s eyes wandered over his face, and Lovino blushed under the other’s stare. 

“Good night, Lovino,” Antonio said, and Lovino’s breath hitched. It had been years since the last time he heard his name spoken in that way. 

“Good night,” Lovino said, and Antonio softly closed the door behind him, leaving him finally alone. Lovino waited until Antonio’s footsteps faded before shooting up and locking the door. He kicked off his shoes and dropped on the bed again. The spring mattress squeaked under him. 

“What the fuck,” he swore, closing his eyes. “What the actual fuck”. 

He slept like a log. 

The sunrays filtering through the blinds woke him up. He had slept with his arms wrapped around the suitcase and he had managed to kick the pillows off the bed at some point in the night. His neck was stiff, but Lovino was much more concerned with the fact he was hungry and didn’t know how to act in front of Antonio, the innkeeper, apparently. 

As anticipated, Lovino was sharing the bathroom with the other guests, but he was amazed by the number of people coming in and out of their rooms when he stepped out in the corridor. The sound of cutlery against plates reached him, and Lovino’s stomach growled. He quickly dressed and made himself presentable before he headed downstairs. 

“Amazing,” he muttered. All tables were full, while three waiters tried to take everybody’s orders. Antonio was one of them, greeting everybody with a bright smile and marking his guest’s wishes on a notepad. To say Lovino felt awkward when Antonio beckoned him to an empty table would be a huge understatement. 

“So, what are you getting?” Antonio asked, amiably. Lovino scratched the back of his ear. 

“Just coffee?” he tried. Antonio blinked at him. 

“Aren’t you hungry?” Antonio asked. “Do you want some toast? Eggs? Oh, yes. You liked Belgian waffles, didn’t you? The cook knows how to make those. I’ll bring you some!” 

Antonio left him before Lovino could answer him. He clapped his mouth shut and stared at a family eating all together right next to him. Antonio brought some toasts to another table, and Lovino shook his head in disbelief. To see Antonio, his master, waiting tables was simply unbelievable. Ten minutes later, Antonio was back with Lovino’s breakfast. He put a plate full of waffles and a cup of steaming coffee in front of him and wished him “bon appetite” in Spanish. 

Antonio was ready to walk away when, suddenly, Lovino grabbed him by the shirt. 

“Yes?” Antonio asked, concern written all over his face. Lovino bit his lower lip. 

“Do you mind sitting with me for a sec?” Lovino asked. Antonio shot a look at the other waiter, who nodded and flashed him the thumbs-up. Lovino fiddled with his fingers as Antonio happily sat down on the empty chair next to his. 

“Come on, eat, or they’re going to get cold,” Antonio prodded. 

“Are you my mother or what?” Lovino snapped, but grabbed his fork and dug in. Antonio beamed when Lovino gulped down his first bite. 

“They’re not like the ones Bella used to make,” Antonio said, “but they’re close to the real thing, aren’t they?” 

“They’re good,” Lovino said, mouth full. He sipped his coffee and looked at Antonio again: “So you work here now?” he asked as an ice-breaker. 

“It’s fun,” Antonio said casting a look at his guests enjoying their meal. “It makes me feel useful. As you can see it’s a lot of work, but I have a cook and two waiters to help me out. A laundress down the street helps me with the cleaning too. Do you have everything you need in your room? Did you sleep well?” 

Lovino blushed and shrugged. Antonio smiled. 

“It feels nice when people are happy,” Antonio said. Lovino rolled his eyes to the ceiling. 

“How can you even enjoy serving people?” Lovino asked. “Everybody ordering you around, cleaning after their mess…” he trailed off. “It’s annoying”. 

“I’m making a profit,” Antonio said, laughing. 

“Ha!” Lovino exclaimed, his lips quirking upwards. “So you were lying,” he said pointing a finger at him. “You just want the money”. 

Antonio smiled, and Lovino felt as if he had been mesmerized. He focused his attention back on his food again and drank his coffee to help him gulp down his sudden embarrassment. Antonio didn’t tear his gaze away from his face.

“I’m glad you’re doing well,” he said, his voice soft and soothing. “Did you find your brother?”

“We’re living together,” Lovino said and casually mentioned the town they were living in. “Along with his friend. A German,” he pointed out as if that was some kind of insult. Antonio laughed. 

“I’m sure you secretly like him,” Antonio teased him. “You’re good at pretending you don’t”. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Lovino said. “I hate his guts. You can’t even imagine how annoying he is. According to him, a meal is not a meal if there are no potatoes in it, plus he always steals my car! I worked hard to buy my baby, and he can’t take it without asking for permission first!” 

Antonio’s eyes twinkled with amusement. 

“Is that why you came to this God-forgotten town?” Antonio asked. “To get away from him?” 

“Business,” Lovino blurted, hiding his blush by stuffing his mouth with waffles. 

“Right,” Antonio said. 

“I’m doing catering,” Lovino explained. “I need local products”. 

“That’s nice,” Antonio said. “You’ve always been a good cook”. 

“I’m leaving the day after tomorrow,” Lovino announced. Antonio raised an eyebrow in question, and Lovino too wondered why he said that. The day after tomorrow? What was he thinking? Wasn’t he supposed to just make sure Antonio was alright and leave? 

“There’s not a lot of sightseeing to do here,” Antonio said, “but I can show you around if you want. I grew up here and it was so boring. Fortunately, things changed a lot since then and now it got better. We even have a theater!” he exclaimed, excited. 

“What’s up with you and theaters?” Lovino groaned. 

“Considering that there was no entertainment besides the carnival once a year and some country fairs once every two months, it’s kind of a huge thing,” Antonio said. 

“I didn’t mean it in that way,” Lovino said, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. 

“Why don’t we meet in the town square after lunch? It’s usually time for siesta so there’s not much I have to do here. I can guide you around!” 

Lovino wanted to say no. 

“Fine,” he said, and Antonio’s smile grew wide. Lovino watched him stand up and go back to work. Lovino shifted his gaze on his almost empty plate and stabbed his last waffle with his fork. His heart sped up with anticipation. Well, might as well buy some local products for real then, Lovino thought. 

Lovino squandered his morning in the open market, buying canned goods and homemade jam. He ate a tomato a kind old woman offered him and he was shocked by its great taste. It was a pity he couldn’t bring some to Feliciano. He ate something for lunch in one of the local restaurants and when he finally decided to head to the town square, he was surprised to see that Antonio was already there. 

“Have you been waiting long?” Lovino asked stopping in front of him. 

“Not at all,” Antonio reassured him. Lovino’s eyes lingered on his face, taking him in, and he was surprised to see that he didn’t look any older. There was one difference, though: he seemed much more at peace with himself. Lovino thought that letting Antonio be his tour guide would be as awkward as letting him be his personal waiter. It wasn’t. The moment Lovino recognized that part of Antonio he had fallen in love with more than seven years before, hidden under layers of maturity, he stopped being afraid. 

Lovino wondered why he had been afraid in the very beginning. 

As Antonio had warned him, there wasn’t much to see in that little town, but Lovino unexpectedly enjoyed his tour anyway. 

“And there is the barbershop,” Antonio said. “When my mom was younger she was supposed to marry him, but fell in love with my dad instead. Isn’t it funny? I would have been a barber now!” 

“Idiot, you wouldn’t have been born”. 

“Yes, you’re probably right”. 

“Probably?” 

“And there’s the church. I was baptized there. Oh, and there used to be a candy shop. The first one in the whole region. And there’s the playground. When I was younger there was nothing but bushes and old weeds. All the boys in town used to gather here every afternoon after siesta to play. I know because I could see them from the music school, which is right there-!” 

Lovino couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

“Lovino,” Antonio said suddenly, “you said you have a car, right? I know a place you need to see before you leave, but we need to get the car first”. 

Lovino was surprised. 

What surprised him more, however, was the fact he didn’t mind when Antonio hopped on in the driver’s seat. The jam jars he had brought that same morning rattled in the trunk. A gentle breeze blew through the windows, messing with their hair, and Lovino felt his lips quirk upwards every time Antonio’s hand momentarily left the steering wheel to brush his bangs from his forehead. 

“This is where my father’s estate used to be,” Antonio said, stopping the car and hopping out. They had reached the top of a hill and they could see the small town under their feet. A vast meadow stretched behind them, and Lovino let his eyes wander over it, searching for a sign of the estate Antonio had mentioned. 

“It was destroyed during the war,” Antonio explained sitting down on the grass. Lovino joined him. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Antonio asked stretching his hand towards the landscape at their feet. Lovino shot him a glance and followed his finger. 

“Yeah”. 

The contemplated the view for a long moment in silence, and Lovino started to play with a daffodil he had plucked when they parked, searching for something to say. 

“So,” Lovino began. “Are you-! Err… are you doing well?” 

“Yes, pretty much,” Antonio said turning to face him. Lovino kept his eyes on the daffodil. 

“Are you in a relationship?” Lovino asked, almost slapping himself for his impulsiveness. 

“Nope,” Antonio said shaking his head in amusement. 

“Why not?” Lovino asked, taken aback. “I saw the way the women in town looked at you before, and that waiter you’re working with too. He seemed interested in you”. 

“Really?” Antonio asked. “I didn’t even notice”. 

“Then?” 

“Oh, well, it wouldn’t be fair to them if I asked anyone of them out, would it?” Antonio asked softly, and Lovino’s heart skipped a beat when he finally noticed how Antonio looked at him. “I made a promise once upon a time, and this one is not even difficult to keep”. 

Lovino gulped and looked down at the daffodil again. Antonio turned his attention to the landscape in front of them. 

“For the past seven years I thought about you every day, and when I saw you coming in yesterday I honestly believed my eyes were deceiving me. For years I wondered if you had finally moved on and if you were doing well. I hurt you a lot and every day I prayed that you weren’t suffering because of me anymore. When I saw you yesterday, I was so relieved”. 

Lovino let out a sigh. 

“Do you still belong to me?” Lovino whispered. 

“Always, Lovino,” Antonio said. 

“That’s so stupid,” Lovino said, suddenly boiling with anger. He felt the gold cross necklace burn against his skin and wondered why he hadn’t throw it away yet. Years before, Feliciano asked him where he got it. Lovino answered he had picked it up from the street. 

Neither of them had really moved on, had they? 

“It’s so stupid,” Lovino repeated. “You should move on, find someone who truly loves you and settle down like everybody else. You have a job and people that depend on you. Why do you keep holding on a dream? We weren’t even in a relationship. In fact, our attachment was not even fucking healthy. We could have never worked out. We were using each other. You were my master and I was nothing but a slave-!” 

“You are not anymore,” Antonio interrupted him. “And I’m no one’s master. I’m a simple guy”. 

“You are,” Lovino conceded. 

“I don’t want to burden you, Lovino,” Antonio said. “I’m glad you’ve forgotten about me. It’s better this way. But my heart does belong to you, and now it’s too late to take it back”. 

“Stop being so damn cheesy,” Lovino groaned, massaging his temples. Antonio laughed. 

“I can’t help it”. 

They both fell silent again. Lovino threw the daffodil at their feet, and Antonio started fiddling with the blades of grass. 

“I’ve never been to a theater,” Lovino said, unexpectedly. 

“We can go tomorrow night, if you want,” Antonio said, excited. “A friend of mine is one of the actors. He can get us really good seats”. 

Lovino nodded. He had no idea why he suggested going to the theater in the first place, but now he couldn’t wait to see what all the fuss was about. 

Lovino and Antonio returned back in time for dinner. The cook and the rest of the waiters were already busy with preparations, while some of the inn’s guests were chatting good-naturedly at their tables, patiently waiting to order. Antonio beckoned him to sit, a big smile on his face, and disappeared into the kitchen. Lovino sat down, staring absentmindedly out the window. 

In a matter of minutes the dining room was filled with people. Dinner was served, and Lovino finally realized just how hungry he was. His place was almost empty when Antonio suddenly appeared in the room, guitar in hand. 

Silence flooded the room, and all eyes fixed on Antonio. 

“Today is a special occasion, my friends,” Antonio said, cheerful, and sat atop of the counter. He tuned his guitar and plucked a few chords until he was satisfied with the sound. Lovino finally realized that one of the waiters had an instrument too, a tambourine, and was waiting for Antonio to start. 

“I hope you’re enjoying your dinner!” Antonio exclaimed. There was a roar of approval, and Antonio finally started playing. His friend started banging his tambourine and the inn’s guest clapped their hands to the rhythm. Lovino’s attention was completely on Antonio. He was playing much better than he used to, and Lovino’s heart filled suddenly with melancholy. Despite the cheery tune, Lovino felt like crying. A couple even stood up and started dancing. He recognized the songs; all of them. Antonio was playing for him. 

Another couple stood up to dance, and the third waiter moved the tables to make room for them. Everybody was happy, but no one knew Antonio was playing for someone in particular, and Lovino was glad that Antonio didn’t know how much Lovino missed him. 

The next day Lovino spent it with Antonio. The latter had taken his day off just for him and decided it wouldn’t hurt to take Lovino to the city just a few miles away. It was much bigger than the town Antonio lived in and it was much more interesting. Antonio guided him through the streets, brought him to the cathedral, which used to be a mosque ages before, he said, showed him a palace, now the city’s university, stopped at the main plaza to buy him something to eat, and laughed when a pigeon sat on Lovino’s head to eat his toast. Lovino bought a souvenir for his brother, and after a few minutes of hesitation, one for Ludwig as well, splashed Antonio with the fountains’ water, laughed to tears when an old lady mistook Antonio for her long lost son, wrapped her arms around his waist and had no intention of letting him go. Antonio sang off-key throughout the ride back. Lovino pretended to be angry and threatened to kick him out of the car. 

And finally Lovino saw what a theater truly looked like. 

Lovino watched the play as if mesmerized. Antonio sat next to him, and Lovino could feel the other’s eyes on him throughout the play. He didn’t really mind. 

It was past midnight when the two returned back to the inn. Lovino let Antonio accompany him back to his room and unlocked the door feeling Antonio’s shoulder press against his. 

“So,” Lovino said, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning”. 

“I hope you had a good time,” Antonio said, voice soft. Lovino looked up at him; his eyes lingered on his lips, on his loving smile. “I guess I should wish you good night,” Antonio continued. 

“Yes, good night,” Lovino said. 

“Do you want me to wake you up?” 

“No, I’m good”. 

“Good,” Antonio breathed. Lovino’s heartbeat sped up. He remembered Antonio singing off-key in the car and a soft smile stretched across his lips. 

He had finally met the real Antonio. 

It had taken him a while. 

“So,” Antonio said. Lovino’s eyes snapped back on his face. “See you in the morning”. 

“I wish I could stop thinking of you,” Lovino blurted. The words were out of his mouth before Lovino could register them in his head. “Damn it,” he swore under his breath. He moved his leg to move further into his room but ended up taking a step closer to Antonio instead. 

“Me too,” Antonio said. 

“If you kiss me, it’s going to be a mistake,” Lovino said, shooting him a warning look. Antonio’s arms hang limply to the side. 

“I know,” Antonio finally whispered. Lovino’s eyes shifted down to Antonio’s hands then up to Antonio’s lips. His gaze lingered a moment longer than necessary on Antonio’s green eyes. He suddenly felt a little too hot under the collar and tugged his shirt to get some fresh air. Antonio’s attention was suddenly on the gold cross necklace. 

“You still have it?” Antonio asked, surprised. Lovino didn’t know what he was doing. He leaned in and kissed Antonio on the lips. He hooked his fingers around Antonio’s collar and pulled him closer, stepping backwards towards his bed. Antonio didn’t break the contact. Lovino heard the door click close, and Antonio’s hands were finally around his waist. Antonio slightly parted his lips, and Lovino gasped when the other pushed him on the bed. 

“We shouldn’t,” Antonio whispered against his skin. 

“We shouldn’t,” Lovino agreed. His fingers found the first button of Antonio’s shirt, then the second and the third. Antonio traced his lips on Lovino’s neck, pressing a kiss on a spot just above his collarbone. 

Lovino’s shirt was suddenly gone too. Antonio’s fingers were on his back, hovering over past scars that didn’t ache anymore. Lovino moved his head and kissed Antonio eagerly. 

He tasted sweeter than he remembered. 

* * *

Lovino cursed. Antonio had long left, but the sheets still held his scent, reminding Lovino of his weakness. How could he be so stupid? He rubbed his eyes with his hands and groaned into the pillow. He slowly got up and started picking up his clothes from the floor, shoving everything into his suitcase. His departure was long overdue. What were they supposed to do now? Should they talk about it? Should they pretend it didn’t happen? 

Lovino put on clean clothes and cursed loudly. He had no idea what to do, but he had to leave, and soon. He grabbed his suitcase and checked that he hadn’t left anything behind before heading out. The dining room was already full, but Antonio had held a table just for him. 

“Good morning,” Antonio said putting a plate of waffles in front of him. Lovino let go of his suitcase and put his hands on the table. 

“’morning,” he muttered. “Thanks,” he added after a moment of hesitation. Antonio’s smile was bright, and Lovino’s heart melted. He didn’t stop Antonio when the latter turned his back to attend his other customers’ needs. 

Lovino watched him work, leaning against his hand. He had no appetite, but he nibbled on his breakfast just for the sake of it. At one point Antonio turned to look at him, and Lovino smiled against his will. 

It was time to leave. 

Who knew when they were going to see each other again, if they were. To push himself out of those thoughts, Lovino finished his breakfast and chugged his coffee. 

“It’s time to leave, right?” Antonio asked appearing in front of him again. Lovino nodded and slowly stood up. “Let me walk you to the car”. 

“Shouldn’t I pay first?” 

“No, everything’s on me,” Antonio reassured him, picked his suitcase up and followed Lovino to the door. They walked completely in silence, and Lovino opened the trunk of his car to put the suitcase in. 

“It was a mistake,” Lovino said facing Antonio head on. “I-I shouldn’t have kissed you and-! I’m leaving and I don’t think I will ever come back here”. 

“It’s fine,” Antonio said, and Lovino hated to see the loving look in the other’s eyes. 

“No, it’s fucking not”. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Antonio said. “It’s going to be easier than last time”. 

Lovino wanted to hit him. He clenched his hands into fists and unclenched them immediately after. Suddenly, Antonio moved forwards, cupped his face for a fleeting second and then pulled him into a crushing hug. 

“Take care, Lovino,” Antonio said. 

“You too,” Lovino mumbled against Antonio’s shirt. He pushed him softly away and got into the car without looking back. Antonio waved at him as he started the engine. 

Goodbye for good, Lovino thought, and pulled into the traffic. He didn’t glance into the rearview mirror. He just kept driving. 

Against all expectations, nothing had changed back home. Lovino thought that he was going to miss Antonio immensely, but once he got back to routine, Lovino had no time to think about him anymore. Or, at least, that’s what he told himself.

His wish to buy a house all for himself increased each day, especially when Ludwig burrowed his car without asking for it first. Nevertheless, Lovino managed to raise enough money for it only two months after he came back from his long trip. 

It was time he told his brother about his plans. 

“A house?” Feliciano asked, blinking at him in surprise. “With what money?” 

“Mine, of course!” Lovino snapped. 

“Is that why you went south last time?” Feliciano asked, arching an eyebrow. “Did you borrow money from… someone?” 

“You’ve got no faith in me, Feli,” Lovino said, clicking his tongue. “I earned every fucking cent”. 

“Fine, I believe you!” Feliciano exclaimed, raising his hands up in the air. “But are you sure you don’t want to live together, Lovi? We are doing great, aren’t we?” he asked, his eyes brimming with tears. 

“Oh, come on, with Ludwig around, I feel like a third wheel,” Lovino said. “Moreover, I need more space for my stuff…” 

“Your garbage, you mean?” 

“Shut up,” Lovino said, and Feliciano snickered. The joy on the younger Vargas’ face didn’t last long, however, and Lovino’s lips twisted into a thin line when Feliciano suddenly turned sad again. “I’m not going far,” Lovino reassured him. “It’s just two streets away from here”. 

Feliciano nodded. His forehead creased, and he looked down at Lovino in question. 

“Are you talking about the house that was for sale?” 

“Come again?” 

“Someone bought it a month ago,” Feliciano explained. “In fact, they are moving in right now. Ludwig went to welcome them”. 

“Someone bought it?” Lovino cried, shocked. He turned on his heels and bolted out of the room. 

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him and almost tripped over someone’s trunk in his haste to get to his dream house’s front door. Lovino looked around at the bags and the furniture scattered all over the front garden and spotted Ludwig talking with someone on the porch. He violently pushed the gate open and marched to the door. 

“Hey! Hey!” Lovino exclaimed, angrily. Ludwig slowly turned to look at him, and Lovino froze when he saw who exactly was standing on the porch with his brother’s friend. “Y-you?” 

“Lovino,” Antonio greeted him, and Lovino almost had a heart attack when Antonio smiled at him. 

“You know each other?” Ludwig asked, but Lovino didn’t pay him any attention. Antonio didn’t either and stepped around Ludwig to get closer to Lovino. 

“You bought the house?” Lovino asked, amazed. 

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Antonio said, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I was thinking…” 

Lovino was too stunned to come back with a retort. 

“I was thinking,” Antonio repeated, “that it would be nice to have a change of scenery. This town is much bigger than mine, plus it’s close to the factories, so there are going to be a lot of people coming and going. This house is perfect. After I renovate it, it’s going to become one of the most beautiful and comfy inns in town. A lucrative business, I tell you”. 

Lovino couldn’t breathe. 

“Of course, I still need to find a new waiter and a cook. I should hire a cleaning staff too, now that I think about it,” Antonio continued and pointed his finger towards the back of the house. “And I’m going to live there, you see? I will build an addition to this house. In this way, there’s going to be enough place for everyone”. 

Lovino walked over to him, and Antonio turned his face towards him again. 

“Do you want to move in with me?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Lovino said, no hesitation in his voice. Antonio beamed. 

“We can run this business together”. 

“Yes,” Lovino said, a bubble of laughter escaping his throat. 

Antonio reached for his hand, and Lovino intertwined their fingers together. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Suddenly, the past didn’t matter anymore. Understanding came like a bolt from the blue: the moment he stepped into Antonio’s inn and saw him there, alive and well, Lovino had been reborn. 

In those two days they have started everything from the very beginning, and now Antonio was there to stay. 

And Lovino could move on. He could stop comparing himself to a lemon tree standing on its own in the middle of a garden; its fruits too sour to be loved by anyone and marked forever by a letter on its trunk. This was their new life. A better life. 

“Lovino,” Antonio said caressing his cheek. “Don’t cry, please,” he whispered, and Lovino shook his head. 

“I’m not crying, you’re crying,” Lovino snapped. His voice cracked, and he suddenly wrapped his arms around Antonio and hid his face in the other’s shirt. 

“I love you,” Antonio whispered in his ear. “I love you so much I couldn’t stand to stay a moment longer away from you”. 

“Stop being so cheesy,” Lovino reproached him, although he was secretly smiling. “You don’t need to woo me anymore. I love you too”. 

THE END 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we don't have an official name for Portugal, I took the liberty to chose one at random. Seriously, I just picked the name and the surname with my eyes closed while looking for Portuguese baby names.


End file.
